Uncle-AJ
9 June 2005, 03:52 PM
I never quite figured out why the sexual urge of men & women differ so much.
And I never have figured out the whole Venus and Mars thing. I have never
figured out why men think with their head and women with their heart. I have never figured out why the sexual desire gene gets thrown into a state of turmoil when it hears the words, "I do."
FOR EXAMPLE:
One evening last week, my wife and I were getting into bed. Well, the passion starts to heat up and and my erogenous zones are pulsating heavily, but she eventually says, "I don't feel like it, I just want you to hold me."
I said, "WH - WH - WHAT????!!! What was that?!"
So she says the words that every husband on the planet dreads to hear..."You're just not in touch with my emotional needs as a woman, certainly not enough for me to satisfy your physical needs as a man." She responded to my puzzled look by saying, "Can't you just love me for who I am and not what I do for you in the bedroom?"
Realizing that nothing was going to happen that night I went to sleep. The
very next day I opted to take the day off of work to spend time with her. we went out to a nice lunch and then went shopping at a big, big unnamed dept. store.
I walked around with her while she tried on several different very expensive
outfits. She couldn't decide which one to take so I told her we'd just buy them all.
She wanted new shoes to compliment her new clothes, so I said lets get a pair for each outfit. We went on to the jewellery department where she picked out a pair of diamond earrings and a necklace to match.
Let me tell you...she was so excited. She must have thought I was one wave
short of a shipwreck.
I started to think she was testing me because she asked for a tennis bracelet when she doesn't even know how to play tennis. I think I threw her for a loop when I said, "That's fine, dear."
She was almost nearing sexual satisfaction from all of the excitement. Smiling with excited anticipation she finally said, "I think this is all dear,
let's go to the cashier."
I could hardly contain myself when I blurted out, "No dear, I don't feel like
it."
Her face just went completely blank as her jaw dropped with a baffled,
"WHAT???!!!"
I then said, "Really dear! I just want you to HOLD this stuff for a while.
You're just not in touch with my financial needs as a man enough for me to
satisfy your shopping needs as a woman."
And just when she had this look like she was going to kill me, I added, "Why
can't you just love me for who I am and not for the things I buy you?"
Apparently I'm not having sex tonight either.
And I never have figured out the whole Venus and Mars thing. I have never
figured out why men think with their head and women with their heart. I have never figured out why the sexual desire gene gets thrown into a state of turmoil when it hears the words, "I do."
FOR EXAMPLE:
One evening last week, my wife and I were getting into bed. Well, the passion starts to heat up and and my erogenous zones are pulsating heavily, but she eventually says, "I don't feel like it, I just want you to hold me."
I said, "WH - WH - WHAT????!!! What was that?!"
So she says the words that every husband on the planet dreads to hear..."You're just not in touch with my emotional needs as a woman, certainly not enough for me to satisfy your physical needs as a man." She responded to my puzzled look by saying, "Can't you just love me for who I am and not what I do for you in the bedroom?"
Realizing that nothing was going to happen that night I went to sleep. The
very next day I opted to take the day off of work to spend time with her. we went out to a nice lunch and then went shopping at a big, big unnamed dept. store.
I walked around with her while she tried on several different very expensive
outfits. She couldn't decide which one to take so I told her we'd just buy them all.
She wanted new shoes to compliment her new clothes, so I said lets get a pair for each outfit. We went on to the jewellery department where she picked out a pair of diamond earrings and a necklace to match.
Let me tell you...she was so excited. She must have thought I was one wave
short of a shipwreck.
I started to think she was testing me because she asked for a tennis bracelet when she doesn't even know how to play tennis. I think I threw her for a loop when I said, "That's fine, dear."
She was almost nearing sexual satisfaction from all of the excitement. Smiling with excited anticipation she finally said, "I think this is all dear,
let's go to the cashier."
I could hardly contain myself when I blurted out, "No dear, I don't feel like
it."
Her face just went completely blank as her jaw dropped with a baffled,
"WHAT???!!!"
I then said, "Really dear! I just want you to HOLD this stuff for a while.
You're just not in touch with my financial needs as a man enough for me to
satisfy your shopping needs as a woman."
And just when she had this look like she was going to kill me, I added, "Why
can't you just love me for who I am and not for the things I buy you?"
Apparently I'm not having sex tonight either.