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lavaman · 13 June 2012, 01:21 PM

(1)If you are a single dad, EVERY woman will assume you are married, or have some other female in your life doing the work. Whenever something happens, it will take the school at least 6 months to stop asking for your wife. Most all women will assume you are incompetent. Country music and Lifetime television love this, as does Hollywood and Madison Avenue.

(2) I would not wish single parenthood upon anyone. But you will learn that you can float, you can rise. Because drowning is just lame. Oddly, being a single parent is what got me through law school. Anyone who ever said the Peace Corps is the toughest job you will ever love was never a single parent.

(3) On the other hand, I have little patience for Dads who can't wipe their kid's tail.

(4) NOTHING but NOTHING hurts like a child who cries for their other (deceased) parent. After 10 years of emergency services work (paramedic, then cop, then firefighter), I always thought I could hold my own. But watching my son's tears fall is like getting a rectal exam with God's own Tesla coil. Please, if you are more worried about your lifestyle and getting notches on your bedpost, or getting high or stupid, PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE don't breed.

(5) Children know what fair is. They are all legal scholars. And they are ALWAYS watching. Does that scare me? Yea it does.

(6) I am so domestic now it makes me sick. Iron Man becomes Ironman becomes Iron Man again. I mow the lawn now, and obsess over mulch beds.

(7) Do I miss my former life of chasing skirts and working out 40 hours a week? Sometimes. It's not Hallmark and roses. But it's a mission. And it is without end. Raising a son. Trying to keep him out of the minefields. Being amazed when he stands up when I do because the Judge calls my name and I think "What? I didn't tell him to do that!". And he walks right next to me, approaching the bench. All balls, no fear. And now he wants to get up on Sundays and watch F1 with me. My kid is 7 and he knows words in Hawaiian, he knows words in Mandarin and Spanish, he knows who Senna is and Celia Cruz and that there isnt any air on the Moon.

(8) I have no damn clue what I am doing. I see all the little ways I fail him every day. I can't cook worth a damn, but he suffers through it anyway. And yea, no lie, he is probably missing out by not having a step mom, as I have essentially shut down my personal life since I got back custody a couple of years ago. Am I doing the right thing? I don't know. I hope he (He?) will be kind when he judges me. Yea, I am tough on him. It's a leap of faith, any parenting, isnt it? It's like building a submarine over the phone.

(9) You are gonna mess up. My son teaches me to be fearless. Because he is man enough to forgive me. The rest of us "grownups" have to re-learn that.

(10)Yea, when he goes off to college I am off to China for a few weeks. He'll know how to get ahold of me.

Happy Father's Day to all the Dads out there, past, present, and those who don't even know they've signed up yet.

-The Lavaman

seand442 · 13 June 2012, 01:36 PM

Well said. Being a dad is the most difficult, yet most rewarding job I can think of. I wouldn't trade it for the world. Here's to you Dad.

Lisa · 13 June 2012, 02:19 PM

You're doing the right thing. I wish there were more dads like you.

Runnin' Rebel · 13 June 2012, 06:12 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Lisa

You're doing the right thing. I wish there were more dads like you.

I went through a similar situation, nothing is more gratifying then watching your
child succeed and become a grown women with a heart of gold knowing that you did you best. Watching her from 350 miles away, reading letters from the university president saying she's doing great, and maintains a 3.85 GPA.

Makes all the sacrfices worth it.

Yes, it's great to be a dad!!

Linzjnr · 13 June 2012, 02:38 PM

Well said my friend, it's a difficult job but one that is SO important and special. You are doing well

Esexx · 13 June 2012, 03:08 PM

Very well said.

I relate to everything you said( except for the death part). I am 2 years divorced and things are good, but learning a lot. Kinda sucks learning for ones own 4 year old about the spouses affair. But hey, who said life was fair anyways.

I was always the person who did the daily cooking, cleaning, laundry, etc. But not all. 50/50 is good so I do get to spend a lot of time with my boys.

Single parenting is not the greatest, but we do what has to be done. I have learned to forgive and forget and I don't dwell in the past, but look to the future. Thanks to many people here for getting me through tough times.

Happy Fathers day to you Lavaman and all other TRF dads and soon to be dads.

FeelingTheBlues · 13 June 2012, 03:35 PM

My parents are still happily married and both do a great job in their own ways. I love both of them and I've always felt that my father was a very good one, I have a lot of respect and admiration for that man.

Here's to all of you gentlemen who are as wonderful as I know you are, I hope to become like you when I'll have my children.

Cru Jones · 13 June 2012, 07:23 PM

that's a nice read, thanks.

mailman · 13 June 2012, 07:56 PM

Sounds to me like your a great father already

This is going to be my father's day and I can't wait

Happy Father's Day

HL65 · 13 June 2012, 08:24 PM

Great post--sounds like you have the right perspective. Happy Father's Day to all the dad's out there!! Happy 1st Father's Day Paulie!!

mailman · 13 June 2012, 08:24 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by SteelerFan65

Great post--sounds like you have the right perspective. Happy Father's Day to all the dad's out there!! Happy 1st Father's Day Paulie!!

Thank you my man

Lisa · 13 June 2012, 11:12 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by mailman

Thank you my man

Paul? Did I miss something?

kilyung · 13 June 2012, 11:34 PM

azguy · 14 June 2012, 12:30 AM

psv · 14 June 2012, 12:44 AM

#1 in parenting is to have your priorities and values right. You have that down pat so both you and your child will do great!

Thanks for the post! Keep the faith!

lavaman · 14 June 2012, 03:30 AM

Thanks for the kind words. I just tossed it (ok, maye the wrong word, sorry JJ, dont mean to take your verb in vain) out there for those blokes who dont get the praise they should sometimes.

The Joker · 14 June 2012, 05:00 AM

Great post Lavaman, sounds like you are a great father to me.

drockadam · 14 June 2012, 11:38 AM

Happy Fathers Day, sir! That was touching.

I love my dad very much, he's the one that got me here. He has taught me many great things over the years. I like to spend as much time with him, because I know one day, he'll be gone. His father passed away in Dec' 2004. They had a great relationship. As I got older I realized how hard it must be for my dad, to not be able to call his father. The best to all the fathers this weekend.

lavaman · 14 June 2012, 12:50 PM

You know, I had many people, friends of mine, say kind things to me as I went through school wth my kiddo. But the sad fact is this:

NOTHING I did, nothing I do now, should in any way be deemed exceptional. Especially when others have it far tougher than I ever will.

It's what simply needed to be done. Period.

Why is that unusual?

13 June 2012, 01:36 PM	#2
seand442 "TRF" Member Join Date: Apr 2007 Location: Earth Watch: 116610 Posts: 3,455	Well said. Being a dad is the most difficult, yet most rewarding job I can think of. I wouldn't trade it for the world. Here's to you Dad. __________________ NEVER ARGUE WITH AN IDIOT. FIRST THEY WILL DRAG YOU DOWN TO THEIR LEVEL. THEN, THEY WILL BEAT YOU WITH EXPERIENCE.

13 June 2012, 02:38 PM	#5
Linzjnr 2024 ROLEX DATEJUST41 Pledge Member Join Date: Jun 2011 Real Name: Linz Location: Perth WA Watch: My bank balance! Posts: 1,367	Well said my friend, it's a difficult job but one that is SO important and special. You are doing well __________________ SS Submariner Date 16610 - SS Polar Explorer GMT 216570

13 June 2012, 03:08 PM	#6
Esexx "TRF" Member Join Date: Feb 2010 Real Name: Dean Location: Redondo Beach, CA Watch: ing TRF All Day Posts: 2,105	Very well said. I relate to everything you said( except for the death part). I am 2 years divorced and things are good, but learning a lot. Kinda sucks learning for ones own 4 year old about the spouses affair. But hey, who said life was fair anyways. I was always the person who did the daily cooking, cleaning, laundry, etc. But not all. 50/50 is good so I do get to spend a lot of time with my boys. Single parenting is not the greatest, but we do what has to be done. I have learned to forgive and forget and I don't dwell in the past, but look to the future. Thanks to many people here for getting me through tough times. Happy Fathers day to you Lavaman and all other TRF dads and soon to be dads. __________________ Member Number 34171 "Remember: No matter where you go... there you are." Buckroo Banzai _________________________________________

13 June 2012, 03:35 PM	#7
FeelingTheBlues "TRF" Member Join Date: Sep 2011 Real Name: Carl Location: Always moving Watch: If you wish... Posts: 22,039	My parents are still happily married and both do a great job in their own ways. I love both of them and I've always felt that my father was a very good one, I have a lot of respect and admiration for that man. Here's to all of you gentlemen who are as wonderful as I know you are, I hope to become like you when I'll have my children. __________________ Mon corps c'est un pays en guerre sur l'point d'finir, Le général de l'armée de terre s'attend au pire, J'ai faim, j'ai frette, je suis trop faible pour me lever debout, On va hisser le drapeau blanc un point c'est tout. - André Fortin

13 June 2012, 07:56 PM	#9
mailman TRF Moderator & DATE-JUST41 2024 Patron Join Date: Oct 2005 Location: . Watch: 126610LN Posts: 35,387	Sounds to me like your a great father already This is going to be my father's day and I can't wait Happy Father's Day __________________ JJ

13 June 2012, 01:21 PM	#1
lavaman Banned Join Date: Apr 2009 Location: The Airport Watch: what happens next Posts: 1,942	Dad (some thoughts) (1)If you are a single dad, EVERY woman will assume you are married, or have some other female in your life doing the work. Whenever something happens, it will take the school at least 6 months to stop asking for your wife. Most all women will assume you are incompetent. Country music and Lifetime television love this, as does Hollywood and Madison Avenue. (2) I would not wish single parenthood upon anyone. But you will learn that you can float, you can rise. Because drowning is just lame. Oddly, being a single parent is what got me through law school. Anyone who ever said the Peace Corps is the toughest job you will ever love was never a single parent. (3) On the other hand, I have little patience for Dads who can't wipe their kid's tail. (4) NOTHING but NOTHING hurts like a child who cries for their other (deceased) parent. After 10 years of emergency services work (paramedic, then cop, then firefighter), I always thought I could hold my own. But watching my son's tears fall is like getting a rectal exam with God's own Tesla coil. Please, if you are more worried about your lifestyle and getting notches on your bedpost, or getting high or stupid, PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE don't breed. (5) Children know what fair is. They are all legal scholars. And they are ALWAYS watching. Does that scare me? Yea it does. (6) I am so domestic now it makes me sick. Iron Man becomes Ironman becomes Iron Man again. I mow the lawn now, and obsess over mulch beds. (7) Do I miss my former life of chasing skirts and working out 40 hours a week? Sometimes. It's not Hallmark and roses. But it's a mission. And it is without end. Raising a son. Trying to keep him out of the minefields. Being amazed when he stands up when I do because the Judge calls my name and I think "What? I didn't tell him to do that!". And he walks right next to me, approaching the bench. All balls, no fear. And now he wants to get up on Sundays and watch F1 with me. My kid is 7 and he knows words in Hawaiian, he knows words in Mandarin and Spanish, he knows who Senna is and Celia Cruz and that there isnt any air on the Moon. (8) I have no damn clue what I am doing. I see all the little ways I fail him every day. I can't cook worth a damn, but he suffers through it anyway. And yea, no lie, he is probably missing out by not having a step mom, as I have essentially shut down my personal life since I got back custody a couple of years ago. Am I doing the right thing? I don't know. I hope he (He?) will be kind when he judges me. Yea, I am tough on him. It's a leap of faith, any parenting, isnt it? It's like building a submarine over the phone. (9) You are gonna mess up. My son teaches me to be fearless. Because he is man enough to forgive me. The rest of us "grownups" have to re-learn that. (10)Yea, when he goes off to college I am off to China for a few weeks. He'll know how to get ahold of me. Happy Father's Day to all the Dads out there, past, present, and those who don't even know they've signed up yet. -The Lavaman

13 June 2012, 02:19 PM	#3
Lisa "TRF" Member Join Date: Sep 2007 Location: oklahoma city Posts: 15,741	You're doing the right thing. I wish there were more dads like you.

13 June 2012, 07:23 PM	#8
Cru Jones 2024 ROLEX DATEJUST41 Pledge Member Join Date: Mar 2010 Location: Paris, France Posts: 34,574	that's a nice read, thanks.

13 June 2012, 08:24 PM	#10
HL65 TRF Moderator & 2024 DATE-JUST41 Patron Join Date: Dec 2007 Real Name: Ken Location: SW Florida Watch: One on my wrist. Posts: 63,474	Great post--sounds like you have the right perspective. Happy Father's Day to all the dad's out there!! Happy 1st Father's Day Paulie!! __________________ *SPEM SUCCESSUS ALIT*

13 June 2012, 11:34 PM	#13
kilyung 2024 Pledge Member Join Date: Jul 2009 Location: Cave Watch: Sundial Posts: 33,873

14 June 2012, 12:30 AM	#14
azguy Banned Join Date: Sep 2011 Real Name: ------- Location: ------- Watch: --------- Posts: 12,609

14 June 2012, 12:44 AM	#15
psv "TRF" Member Join Date: Oct 2009 Location: North America Posts: 11,066	#1 in parenting is to have your priorities and values right. You have that down pat so both you and your child will do great! Thanks for the post! Keep the faith!

14 June 2012, 03:30 AM	#16
lavaman Banned Join Date: Apr 2009 Location: The Airport Watch: what happens next Posts: 1,942	Thanks for the kind words. I just tossed it (ok, maye the wrong word, sorry JJ, dont mean to take your verb in vain) out there for those blokes who dont get the praise they should sometimes.

14 June 2012, 05:00 AM	#17
The Joker "TRF" Member Join Date: Sep 2010 Location: Gotham Posts: 9,634	Great post Lavaman, sounds like you are a great father to me.

14 June 2012, 11:38 AM	#18
drockadam "TRF" Member Join Date: Nov 2010 Real Name: Adam Location: Ontario, Canada Watch: Pepsi. Posts: 5,749	Happy Fathers Day, sir! That was touching. I love my dad very much, he's the one that got me here. He has taught me many great things over the years. I like to spend as much time with him, because I know one day, he'll be gone. His father passed away in Dec' 2004. They had a great relationship. As I got older I realized how hard it must be for my dad, to not be able to call his father. The best to all the fathers this weekend.

14 June 2012, 12:50 PM	#19
lavaman Banned Join Date: Apr 2009 Location: The Airport Watch: what happens next Posts: 1,942	You know, I had many people, friends of mine, say kind things to me as I went through school wth my kiddo. But the sad fact is this: NOTHING I did, nothing I do now, should in any way be deemed exceptional. Especially when others have it far tougher than I ever will. It's what simply needed to be done. Period. Why is that unusual?

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