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Subfiend · 2 February 2008, 10:42 PM

Well, it's early morning and I have been up for hours. My brain will not shut off. I thought February was going to be better than January, but I was wrong.

The year 2007 ended on a somber note, with the funeral of an old friend and neighbor who had died of cancer the weekend before Christmas. He had a good life and he lasted eight years longer than the doctors gave him, so there were few tears. Then I tore my rotator cuff, which was incredibly painful and put another damper on the start of the new year.

On Jan. 3 came the shocking news that my brother-in-law had committed suicide. My wife and I immediately traveled to California to help my sister and her family. This was extremely difficult for all involved. I could only stay for a week because of emergencies developing back at home, so I came home without my wife. She stayed for another week. Meanwhile, I received the news that Sir Ed died just as I was boarding the red eye to come home. He was a great man who I admired and was fortunate enough to meet on two occasions, so this was a further down note. I returned home alone, with my arm in a sling, to the dog, kids, work and the house for the next five days. I had to be alert, so I stopped taking pain killers for my shoulder. There is nothing like excruciating pain to keep you awake and help you focus.

Work has been brutal for the past two weeks, but the pain in my shoulder has subsided to just numbness and tingling, as long as I don't put any weight on it. The death of a famous actor under circumstances nearly identical to those of my brother-in-law's death brought back fresh and unpleasant memories of the experience of just two weeks before. I didn't need the reminder. So I poured myself into my work, until I was beginning to feel like this:

Last night was Friday, Feb. 1, the beginning of the end of a long month. I was really looking forward to coming home and relaxing, finally taking down the Christmas tree and having a mellow weekend. That's when I received the news that another old and very good friend had died of prostate cancer. Frankly, I don't know what to think anymore. I just wish I could stop thinking and get some sleep. But the sun is coming up now, the birds are chirping outside, and the dog wants to play. I guess it's time to make some coffee.

Thanks for letting me bitch. Go Patriots!

redshirt1957 · 2 February 2008, 10:50 PM

Hug your kids. Pet your dog. Love and enjoy your wife. Hold on......things will get better.

away36 · 2 February 2008, 11:37 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Subfiend

Frankly, I don't know what to think anymore. I just wish I could stop thinking and get some sleep. But the sun is coming up now, the birds are chirping outside, and the dog wants to play. I guess it's time to make some coffee.

Joe's advice is pretty valuable. I'd take it. This too shall pass.

Gedanken · 3 February 2008, 12:27 AM

Man, that's a very rough run, Dave. Bubba's a wise man - appreciating what's there is the best way of dealing with what's gone. Hang in there!

SSD · 3 February 2008, 12:30 AM

Subfiend,

This is going to sound quite mean and harsh, but please don't take it in that spirit. I have quite a few problems as well, but that's not the point so I won't delve into them.

Lifs is not about our problems. It is all about how well we handle them. It is about the example we set for others, and relying on our faith in our Lord. Before my Mom lost her battle with brain cancer, she told me one simple thing: God doesn't put more on us than we can take. She was right! Because of her faith, she handled even her own passing in dignity and bravery. When things get next to me, I think of her and how well she did.

I sincerely hope your rotator cuff gets better, too. It is also my experience that when folks are sick or injured it somehow magnifies problems and concerns. And geez, I hate that! Drives me nuts!!! Almost as bad as pain killers

. I don't blame you for stopping them.

So, when things get tough for me, I also kiss the wife, hug the kids and scratch the dog. Until he piddles on the carpet again, that is... It looks like you're taking things pretty good, considering. Sorry to start off with such a sour note, let us know how things are going!

,
Jamie

Letsgodiving · 3 February 2008, 02:09 AM

Sorry to hear that David. Famliy, good friends and appreciating what we do have will see you through the rough patches.

unclesallie · 3 February 2008, 02:34 AM

couple of notes: these things in life run in cycles, don't know why, but they do. also, i'm near your area, and available anytime you want to talk. i do immigration and crim. defense, but same profession. so: 1) i'm in your area to talk anytime,pm for tel. #
2) you may also, adjunctively want to reach out to a mental health professional; you've been through a whole lot. Me too, just a number of years back, multiple deaths in family, same type of deal.
a WWII vet whose lovely job it was to clean up the bodies of young men killed in combat in asia once told me: if you're at the end of your rope, tie a knot and HANG ON!
let me know if you want to talk, if you do, i will make myself available anytime.
best, dan

JJ Irani · 3 February 2008, 03:24 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by redshirt1957

Hug your kids. Pet your dog. Love and enjoy your wife. Hold on......things will get better.

What he said, David. I can understand exactly where you're coming from. 2007 was a terrible year for me....starting off on a bad note.

2008, however, looks much brighter.

Good luck, pal....my very best wishes to you and your loved ones.

JJ

mailman · 3 February 2008, 03:33 AM

Hang in there Dave. Things can't possibly get any worse, only better. And please take Joe's advice

Tools · 3 February 2008, 04:04 AM

My wishes and prayers for a good year go out to all the members of TRF, but especially to those who have packed a whole years worth of sorrow and hardship in just this first month..

We're always here to listen..

tandrup · 3 February 2008, 05:11 AM

Subfiend - I am very sorry to hear about the things you have to go through right now. Hang in there!

Subfiend · 3 February 2008, 11:32 AM

Thanks to all. I appreciate it.

Believe it or not, I have been through much, much worse than this, so I know there is always a peak for every valley. Even throughout the day. Right now, the girls are singing about something, nuisance dog has been snatching vegetables from my mouth, and my wife is amazing, as usual.

I went through an experience once where I was severely injured, far from medical help, and not sure if I would live or die. Somebody took a picture of me at the exact moment I was contemplating my extremely limited options. I keep that photo on the bookshelf directly across from my desk. I look at it every time I think I am having a bad day, to remind me that I have been through much worse.

This too shall pass. I just felt comfortable enough with the good folks around here to vent early in the morning. Thanks again.

Robb · 3 February 2008, 11:38 AM

Hang in there brother.. We are here for you anytime!

Orchi · 3 February 2008, 11:47 AM

Err buddy Subfiend...life is a long n bumpy journey...remember to stop to smell the flowers...

Live long n Prosper buddy...!!!

vh_bu98 · 3 February 2008, 12:06 PM

I know the feeling...I was robbed 2 years ago in the middle of the day and I was only gone for a few hours. It's going to take some time to get over the initial shock, but even then you never really feel safe.

Just take it one day at a time.

Carolina · 3 February 2008, 01:46 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by redshirt1957

Hug your kids. Pet your dog. Love and enjoy your wife. Hold on......things will get better.

Wise words, Joe.

jasonbellevue · 3 February 2008, 03:50 PM

Subfiend, i'm sorry to hear about the things that you have to go through. Cling to the memories and let them find their way to heal you. Keep your chin up friend, things will only get better. Take care.

redshirt1957 · 3 February 2008, 11:46 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Subfiend

Thanks to all. I appreciate it.

Believe it or not, I have been through much, much worse than this, so I know there is always a peak for every valley. Even throughout the day. Right now, the girls are singing about something, nuisance dog has been snatching vegetables from my mouth, and my wife is amazing, as usual.

I went through an experience once where I was severely injured, far from medical help, and not sure if I would live or die. Somebody took a picture of me at the exact moment I was contemplating my extremely limited options. I keep that photo on the bookshelf directly across from my desk. I look at it every time I think I am having a bad day, to remind me that I have been through much worse.

This too shall pass. I just felt comfortable enough with the good folks around here to vent early in the morning. Thanks again.

I look up to and admire those who can positively effect themselves and those around them during times of tribulation. You are in that group.

away36 · 4 February 2008, 12:10 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by redshirt1957

I look up to and admire those who can positively effect themselves and those around them during times of tribulation. You are in that group.

So are you, Joe.

daveathall · 4 February 2008, 12:57 AM

Some years ago my wife died very young, I got prostate cancer and had the operation, that didnt work so last year I had radiology, that seems to have worked, my first Granddaughter was born, Im getting married on a cruise to Alaska in May. Never forget the past, but try to look to the future for the good things in our brief and fragile existance.

TDH · 4 February 2008, 02:03 AM

"Life is fragile; handle with prayer" - hang in there bro' and my thoughts and prayers go out to you and your family during this difficult time.

Subfiend · 6 February 2008, 12:49 AM

I would like to close out this thread, but I am sorry to say it is not time yet. One of my very best friends died last night. This is almost too incredible for words.

He was a great person, a great friend and one of us. He had an incredible resume in exploration, film-making and diving, and he treasured his collection of watches. His old Submariner has been on half the expeditions featured in Rolex ads for the past 25 years. I finally bought him an Ex II to replace it, and now that has many miles on it too. His death was sudden and unexpected, and he will be sorely missed.

mailman · 6 February 2008, 01:36 AM

I'm very sorry to hear about your friend David. Everything that's happened over the last few months must be very overwhelming, but please hang in there and know that better times are ahead.

FBender · 6 February 2008, 10:21 AM

Focus on the good times you had with your mates with fond memories. I am sure they would love to see a big smile on your face.

Chin up and Good luck

2 February 2008, 10:42 PM	#1
Subfiend "TRF" Member Join Date: Jan 2006 Location: Outside Watch: Isn't it obvious? Posts: 1,924	Can't sleep 2... bad month Well, it's early morning and I have been up for hours. My brain will not shut off. I thought February was going to be better than January, but I was wrong. The year 2007 ended on a somber note, with the funeral of an old friend and neighbor who had died of cancer the weekend before Christmas. He had a good life and he lasted eight years longer than the doctors gave him, so there were few tears. Then I tore my rotator cuff, which was incredibly painful and put another damper on the start of the new year. On Jan. 3 came the shocking news that my brother-in-law had committed suicide. My wife and I immediately traveled to California to help my sister and her family. This was extremely difficult for all involved. I could only stay for a week because of emergencies developing back at home, so I came home without my wife. She stayed for another week. Meanwhile, I received the news that Sir Ed died just as I was boarding the red eye to come home. He was a great man who I admired and was fortunate enough to meet on two occasions, so this was a further down note. I returned home alone, with my arm in a sling, to the dog, kids, work and the house for the next five days. I had to be alert, so I stopped taking pain killers for my shoulder. There is nothing like excruciating pain to keep you awake and help you focus. Work has been brutal for the past two weeks, but the pain in my shoulder has subsided to just numbness and tingling, as long as I don't put any weight on it. The death of a famous actor under circumstances nearly identical to those of my brother-in-law's death brought back fresh and unpleasant memories of the experience of just two weeks before. I didn't need the reminder. So I poured myself into my work, until I was beginning to feel like this: Last night was Friday, Feb. 1, the beginning of the end of a long month. I was really looking forward to coming home and relaxing, finally taking down the Christmas tree and having a mellow weekend. That's when I received the news that another old and very good friend had died of prostate cancer. Frankly, I don't know what to think anymore. I just wish I could stop thinking and get some sleep. But the sun is coming up now, the birds are chirping outside, and the dog wants to play. I guess it's time to make some coffee. Thanks for letting me bitch. Go Patriots! __________________ Subfiend

3 February 2008, 12:27 AM	#4
Gedanken "TRF" Member Join Date: May 2005 Real Name: Sir Location: Melbourne Watch: F-series SD Posts: 8,589	Man, that's a very rough run, Dave. Bubba's a wise man - appreciating what's there is the best way of dealing with what's gone. Hang in there! __________________ You buy a Casio to make sure you're on time; you wear a Rolex because you don't have to be on time.

3 February 2008, 12:30 AM	#5
SSD "TRF" Member Join Date: Jul 2007 Real Name: Jamie Location: Georgia Watch: Stainless Sub Date Posts: 3,023	Subfiend, This is going to sound quite mean and harsh, but please don't take it in that spirit. I have quite a few problems as well, but that's not the point so I won't delve into them. Lifs is not about our problems. It is all about how well we handle them. It is about the example we set for others, and relying on our faith in our Lord. Before my Mom lost her battle with brain cancer, she told me one simple thing: God doesn't put more on us than we can take. She was right! Because of her faith, she handled even her own passing in dignity and bravery. When things get next to me, I think of her and how well she did. I sincerely hope your rotator cuff gets better, too. It is also my experience that when folks are sick or injured it somehow magnifies problems and concerns. And geez, I hate that! Drives me nuts!!! Almost as bad as pain killers. I don't blame you for stopping them. So, when things get tough for me, I also kiss the wife, hug the kids and scratch the dog. Until he piddles on the carpet again, that is... It looks like you're taking things pretty good, considering. Sorry to start off with such a sour note, let us know how things are going! , Jamie __________________ SUBMARINER OWNERS' CLUB ESTABLISHED 1953 TRF Member # 5464

3 February 2008, 02:09 AM	#6
Letsgodiving "TRF" Member Join Date: Jul 2007 Real Name: Mike Location: Virginia, US Watch: SD 16600 Posts: 4,310	Sorry to hear that David. Famliy, good friends and appreciating what we do have will see you through the rough patches. __________________ The fool, with all his other faults, has this also - he is always getting ready to live. - Epicurus (341–270 BC)

3 February 2008, 03:33 AM	#9
mailman TRF Moderator & DATE-JUST41 2024 Patron Join Date: Oct 2005 Location: . Watch: 126610LN Posts: 35,372	Hang in there Dave. Things can't possibly get any worse, only better. And please take Joe's advice __________________ JJ

2 February 2008, 10:50 PM	#2
redshirt1957 "TRF" Member Join Date: Sep 2007 Real Name: Bubba Location: Bitsyville! Watch: Blue YM today! Posts: 10,053	Hug your kids. Pet your dog. Love and enjoy your wife. Hold on......things will get better.

3 February 2008, 02:34 AM	#7
unclesallie 2024 Pledge Member Join Date: Aug 2007 Real Name: dan Location: Pennsylvania Watch: keystone pocket Posts: 5,915	couple of notes: these things in life run in cycles, don't know why, but they do. also, i'm near your area, and available anytime you want to talk. i do immigration and crim. defense, but same profession. so: 1) i'm in your area to talk anytime,pm for tel. # 2) you may also, adjunctively want to reach out to a mental health professional; you've been through a whole lot. Me too, just a number of years back, multiple deaths in family, same type of deal. a WWII vet whose lovely job it was to clean up the bodies of young men killed in combat in asia once told me: if you're at the end of your rope, tie a knot and HANG ON! let me know if you want to talk, if you do, i will make myself available anytime. best, dan

3 February 2008, 04:04 AM	#10
Tools TRF Moderator & 2024 DATE-JUST41 Patron Join Date: May 2007 Real Name: Larry Location: Mojave Desert Watch: GMT's Posts: 43,071	My wishes and prayers for a good year go out to all the members of TRF, but especially to those who have packed a whole years worth of sorrow and hardship in just this first month.. We're always here to listen.. __________________ (Chill ... It's just a watch Forum.....) NAWCC Member

3 February 2008, 05:11 AM	#11
tandrup "TRF" Member Join Date: Jan 2008 Location: USA Watch: 14060M Posts: 921	Subfiend - I am very sorry to hear about the things you have to go through right now. Hang in there! __________________ Regards, Lars 14060M, 16570 White, 116200 Tuxedo Dial Georg Jensen 2347

3 February 2008, 11:32 AM	#12
Subfiend "TRF" Member Join Date: Jan 2006 Location: Outside Watch: Isn't it obvious? Posts: 1,924	Thanks to all. I appreciate it. Believe it or not, I have been through much, much worse than this, so I know there is always a peak for every valley. Even throughout the day. Right now, the girls are singing about something, nuisance dog has been snatching vegetables from my mouth, and my wife is amazing, as usual. I went through an experience once where I was severely injured, far from medical help, and not sure if I would live or die. Somebody took a picture of me at the exact moment I was contemplating my extremely limited options. I keep that photo on the bookshelf directly across from my desk. I look at it every time I think I am having a bad day, to remind me that I have been through much worse. This too shall pass. I just felt comfortable enough with the good folks around here to vent early in the morning. Thanks again. __________________ Subfiend

3 February 2008, 11:38 AM	#13
Robb 2024 Pledge Member Join Date: Jun 2007 Real Name: Robb Location: USA Watch: BLNR Posts: 4,936	Hang in there brother.. We are here for you anytime! __________________ 126610LN l 166610LV l 126619LB l 116710BLNR l 126710BLRO l 126720VTNR l 126718GRNR l 116500 white l 116500 black l 116508 john mayer l 116519LN l 116503 white l 126655 l 226627 Ti Master

3 February 2008, 11:47 AM	#14
Orchi Banned Join Date: Dec 2007 Location: Malaysia Posts: 2,934	Err buddy Subfiend...life is a long n bumpy journey...remember to stop to smell the flowers... Live long n Prosper buddy...!!!

3 February 2008, 12:06 PM	#15
vh_bu98 "TRF" Member Join Date: Nov 2006 Real Name: Vu Location: Dallas area Watch: Platinum YM Posts: 2,646	I know the feeling...I was robbed 2 years ago in the middle of the day and I was only gone for a few hours. It's going to take some time to get over the initial shock, but even then you never really feel safe. Just take it one day at a time.

3 February 2008, 03:50 PM	#17
jasonbellevue "TRF" Member Join Date: Mar 2007 Real Name: Jason Location: at home Posts: 5,098	Subfiend, i'm sorry to hear about the things that you have to go through. Cling to the memories and let them find their way to heal you. Keep your chin up friend, things will only get better. Take care. __________________

4 February 2008, 12:57 AM	#20
daveathall "TRF" Member Join Date: Dec 2007 Real Name: Dave Location: England. Watch: Various Posts: 7,305	Some years ago my wife died very young, I got prostate cancer and had the operation, that didnt work so last year I had radiology, that seems to have worked, my first Granddaughter was born, Im getting married on a cruise to Alaska in May. Never forget the past, but try to look to the future for the good things in our brief and fragile existance. __________________ KINDEST REGARDS DAVE

4 February 2008, 02:03 AM	#21
TDH "TRF" Member Join Date: May 2007 Real Name: Jay Location: Here n there Watch: Sub Posts: 1,641	"Life is fragile; handle with prayer" - hang in there bro' and my thoughts and prayers go out to you and your family during this difficult time.

6 February 2008, 12:49 AM	#22
Subfiend "TRF" Member Join Date: Jan 2006 Location: Outside Watch: Isn't it obvious? Posts: 1,924	I would like to close out this thread, but I am sorry to say it is not time yet. One of my very best friends died last night. This is almost too incredible for words. He was a great person, a great friend and one of us. He had an incredible resume in exploration, film-making and diving, and he treasured his collection of watches. His old Submariner has been on half the expeditions featured in Rolex ads for the past 25 years. I finally bought him an Ex II to replace it, and now that has many miles on it too. His death was sudden and unexpected, and he will be sorely missed. __________________ Subfiend

6 February 2008, 01:36 AM	#23
mailman TRF Moderator & DATE-JUST41 2024 Patron Join Date: Oct 2005 Location: . Watch: 126610LN Posts: 35,372	I'm very sorry to hear about your friend David. Everything that's happened over the last few months must be very overwhelming, but please hang in there and know that better times are ahead. __________________ JJ

6 February 2008, 10:21 AM	#24
FBender Member Join Date: May 2007 Real Name: Phil Location: Perth Australia Watch: LV Posts: 201	Focus on the good times you had with your mates with fond memories. I am sure they would love to see a big smile on your face. Chin up and Good luck

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