Ahem…. Well, those of you that have known me for a while on here know I have posted some… Interesting… experiences. From Rolex affecting my dating life to realizing I was running on the treadmill in a T-shirt and underwear at the packed gym, I always seem to find myself in …. Eventful….situations. Today… today was no exception.
I have to start this off by explaining I have latrophobia. For those of you that do not know what this is (and Doctors take special note) it is the fear of Doctors, medical offices, procedures; et all. It is otherwise known as “white coat syndrome.” My BP is always sky-high for a normal Doctor’s appointment, please, go ahead and laugh, I flew combat missions over Iraq but if I watch myself getting a blood test I almost faint. Now, to try and make these visits a little more tolerable, I use humor. My Primary’s office is very familiar with my dry jokes and grumpy attitude. When one of the medical assistants is about to take my pulse or blood pressure or something I ask if they are qualified to do this. When they yes, the graduated from medical assistant school I say I want to see their diploma. They are very familiar with this old curmudgeon and always get a kick out of my grumpy attitude. When they ask me how tall I am I say 6’5”… (like a foot over my real height) and they laugh. I then say it was before my terrible accident. Whenever they ask how I am doing I say “Miserable, I think this is the day it all ends” or other such gruesome words. When they ask the reason for my visit I say: “Euthanasia” They all know me, I have been going to this Doc for about ten years, and everyone gets a laugh out of my visit.
Well…….
I am having some issues, and needed to see a Urologist. I will be having a minor surgical procedure in a coupld weeks, but let’s not talk about that. I have only been to see this Urologist a couple times, so do not know them very well and visa-versa. ALSO, I am required to wear a mask. SO…. This morning, I am welcomed in, give a urine sample, and am lead in to the examining room. The (very nice) medical assistant asks what was the reason for my visit today. I answer: “Euthanasia” Now keep in mind, because I am wearing a mask she can’t see the smirk on my face. She responds: “Oh.. no.. you don’t want to hurt yourself, you have a lot to live for” I (playing the usual game I do in my GPs office say: “No… I’m done, mine as well get it over with….” She asks if I have a relationship with GOD, some other things, but I just act like the grumpy old curmudgeon like I normally do… all in fun. She says: “OK, the Doctor will be here in a minute” and leaves the room. I wait about 15 minutes and in walks the Doctor… and two BIG orderlies and the medical assistant. They all look very serious, and the doc says: “Come on Mr. Dragos, we’re going to take you over to the hospital.” I jump up, (obviously) very concerned. Did they find something that bad in just my urine sample!? “OK” I answer, what’s wrong? But I am being escorted down the hallway, one orderly on each arm. I am wondering if I am about to pass out or something, when the Doctor says: “We are just taking you to a safe place and make sure you won’t hurt yourself..”… …. ….
…. ….. .
…… … .. …..
I WAS GETTING “ESCORTED” TO THE HOSPITAL PSYC WARD!!!!!!!!!!!!
“WAIT!” I please, with still the orderly holding one arm each “Guys, I was only kidding!!!!!” Then begins 10 minutes of pleading not to be committed and explaining it is just a method of my (obviously terrible-timing) humor, and please call my regular Doc, he will explain I always say stuff like that and I DON’T WANT TO BE COMMITTED!!!!!!!!!
Really… if it wasn’t so scary….. it would have been funny…. FINALLY, they talk to a couple people in my regular Doctor’s office and are assured, I have no intention of hurting myself, it is just dry old-man grumpy humor, and they are subjected to it every time I have an appointment. They finally believed it and I was allowed to return to the exam room…. Where I think my BP and pulse set a new world record. Ahem….
I know what you’re thinking…. I shouldn’t even joke about stuff like that in a Doctor’s office, and you’re right, it is just second nature when I am in my GPs office I didn’t even think of it. And if I hadn’t had a mask on, the medical assistant would have seen my smirk and laughing when I was pretending to be an old-grumpy man giving up on life. Go ahead… flame me, I admit it probably was a bad idea in a new Doctor’s Office, I just didn’t think of it. I promise you, I paid a price for it.
So…. I was almost committed today…. … … … Anyone else have an interesting day?
Only me….
These things only happen to me…
As I thought about the incident this afternoon, I started to ponder…. Maybe I should have gone with them(?).