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The Polite Way to Call Someone a Bastard:

A guy was getting ready to tee off on the first hole when a second
golfer approached and asked if he could join him.

The first said that he usually played alone, but agreed to the twosome.

They were even after the first few holes. The second guy said, "We're
about evenly matched, how about playing for five bucks a hole?"

The first guy said that he wasn't much for betting, but agreed
to the terms.

The second guy won the remaining sixteen holes with ease.

As they were walking off number eighteen, the second guy was busy
counting his $80.00. He confessed that he was the pro at a neighboring
course and liked to pick on suckers.

The first fellow revealed that he was the Parish Priest.

The pro was flustered and apologetic, offering to return the money.
The priest said, "You won fair and square and I was foolish to bet
with you. You keep your winnings."

The pro said, "Is there anything I can do to make it up to you?"

The Priest said, "Well, you could come to Mass on Sunday and make a
donation... And, if you want to bring your mother and father along,
I'll marry them.