Dear Ommie:
I have given your proposal serious consideration. Under the circumstances, and given your limited financial resources, I am prepared to make you the following offer. You may choose any one of these beauties for your mate. They are all low maintenance. In fact, if you leave the little gem lying across the middle out in the sun on a regular basis, she will need no maintenance for at least 15 years. However, I must warn you, that any attempt at coupling could result in a shocking experience for you. This is my best offer. Take it or leave it.
