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THC · 15 July 2019, 06:06 AM

[QUOTE=BBL;9809670]Tom:

I truly feel sad for you and your lady. Actually, what you described brings flashbacks about my own parents. So many reasons they drifted apart and I remember, even in elementary school, the pain and guilt I felt as the eldest child that I couldn't make them understand how it was affecting us.

In the end, my Dad passed away in his 70's from metastatic cancer, and so very unhappy. They never did divorce, but the relationship was tense up to approximately six months before his death.

Tom, I agree with Gus.

- - - -

My humble thoughts are about some things that could lend to harmony and bond-healing: (my personal experience here)

- little sticky notes with thoughtful/complimentary short messages, left to be found in surprise places... ie. on favorite coffee cup, tooth brush - the first-thing-in-the-morning things your lady touches that will bring a smile

- a hand written, mailed letter - nothing negative, outlining the best memories and hopes for future

- time out and counting: when a hot topic that you feel is sure to erupt into discord, without another word, immediately call a timeout and count to a number (eg: 30, or 50) that will cool the temper and potential, harsh responses. We used this approach frequently in my last job for patients to calm down before they said or did something they would regret. This approach could be outlined in a written contract - don't laugh, it works more than you think.

- volunteer your time together at pet rescues, nursing homes, soup kitchens, etc.: these volunteering experiences are very sobering and can make one evaluate what the important things in life really are about.

- dates to places that brought you joy and happiness in the past.
- faith: worship together

Regardless how your future evolves, I wish you the best and hope that all the kind and caring messages from the TRF members, some of which were quite heart-felt, interesting and educational, will give you some "steering" in this critical phase of your life going forward.

Indeed, I agree with you: TRF is a great, cyber place of some special people who are so willing to help with positive suggestions!

Best regards, and
Blessings,
DM

[/QUOTE

I am overwhelmed at the support here, thanks Daniel, Carlos, and everyone.

15 July 2019, 06:06 AM	#111
THC 2024 ROLEX DATEJUST41 Pledge Member Join Date: Jun 2013 Real Name: Tom Location: Mandeville La Watch: 16610M Posts: 10,484	[QUOTE=BBL;9809670]Tom: I truly feel sad for you and your lady. Actually, what you described brings flashbacks about my own parents. So many reasons they drifted apart and I remember, even in elementary school, the pain and guilt I felt as the eldest child that I couldn't make them understand how it was affecting us. In the end, my Dad passed away in his 70's from metastatic cancer, and so very unhappy. They never did divorce, but the relationship was tense up to approximately six months before his death. Tom, I agree with Gus. - - - - My humble thoughts are about some things that could lend to harmony and bond-healing: (my personal experience here) - little sticky notes with thoughtful/complimentary short messages, left to be found in surprise places... ie. on favorite coffee cup, tooth brush - the first-thing-in-the-morning things your lady touches that will bring a smile - a hand written, mailed letter - nothing negative, outlining the best memories and hopes for future - time out and counting: when a hot topic that you feel is sure to erupt into discord, without another word, immediately call a timeout and count to a number (eg: 30, or 50) that will cool the temper and potential, harsh responses. We used this approach frequently in my last job for patients to calm down before they said or did something they would regret. This approach could be outlined in a written contract - don't laugh, it works more than you think. - volunteer your time together at pet rescues, nursing homes, soup kitchens, etc.: these volunteering experiences are very sobering and can make one evaluate what the important things in life really are about. - dates to places that brought you joy and happiness in the past. - faith: worship together Regardless how your future evolves, I wish you the best and hope that all the kind and caring messages from the TRF members, some of which were quite heart-felt, interesting and educational, will give you some "steering" in this critical phase of your life going forward. Indeed, I agree with you: TRF is a great, cyber place of some special people who are so willing to help with positive suggestions! Best regards, and Blessings, DM [/QUOTE I am overwhelmed at the support here, thanks Daniel, Carlos, and everyone.