Little Johnny

[padi56]

Little Johnny was 5 years old and starting school for the first time. The thing was, Little Johnny also had a brother, 7-years older, who had taught Little Johnny all the “bad words”, and for some reason Little Johnny had quite a potty mouth; his parents just couldn't’t get him to stop cursing. The parents were quite embarrassed by this, and tried not to go out in public with Little Johnny very often as it was embarrassing to be toting a little tot around that was spewing out these streams of curse words and invectives, sounding far worse than a sailor during a storm. They had tried spankings and time-outs, and had even gone so far as to take Little Johnny into the city for therapy with a renowned (and expensive) therapist. But all he said was that it was a phase and it was best to just ignore Little Johnny’s outbursts and it would eventually pass.

Anyway, so here it was the first day of school, and Little Johnny’s parents had explained Little Johnny’s problem to the kindergarten teacher, and what the therapist had said, and that it was best to just ignore Little Johnny’s problem. This was all to the teacher’s dismay, as she was obligated to shield the other students from Little Johnny as much as possible, while still educating Little Johnny. In the end she basically decided to ignore Little Johnny as much as possible, and, actually at his parents suggestion, put him at the back of the class.

So, it’s the first day of school and after getting the kids to say the ABCs the teacher was trying to teach the kids the basics of reading by associating letters with the first letter of words. So she asks the class, “Can anyone tell me a word that begins with the letter ‘A’?”

Little Johnny’s hand shot up like a spring. “Oh, I know I know,” said Little Johnny, waving his hand back and forth.

The teacher looks at Little Johnny in the back of the room and thinks, “No, too many words…” at which point she sees a little girl timidly inch her hand up. “Ah… Susan, yes, what word can you tell me begins with the letter ‘A’?”

And a very timid Susan barely whispers, “Apple?”

“Very good Susan! Apple is a word that begins with the letter ‘A’ - a bright, sweet and delicious, red apple.”

“Now class, can anyone tell me a word that begins with the letter ‘B’?”

Again Little Johnny’s hand is the first to shoot up in the back of the room, frantically waving. “Oh pick me. I know, I know!”

But the teacher thinks to herself again, “Hmmm… no, too many bad words start with ‘B’,” at which point she saw a boy near the middle raise his hand. “Yes, ah… Mark, what word begins with the letter ‘B’?”

A very tentative Mark says, “B-b-Baby?”

“Why yes Mark! Baby! Baby begins with the letter ‘B’ – a sweet smelling, cuddly, laughing baby.”

“Now class, can anyone tell me a word that begins with the letter ‘C’?”

Again, Little Johnny’s hand was the first up. “Oh, oh! Pick me! Pick me! I know! I know! Please pick me!”

The teacher instantly crossed off Little Johnny from answering this one, and saw a girl in the front raise her hand. “Yes, Bridget, what word begins with the letter ‘C’?”

“Cat,” said Bridget rather brightly.

“Very good Bridget! Cat does begin with ‘C’. A nice fluffy purring cat.”

And so it goes on through most of the alphabet, with Little Johnny’s arm waving in the air with each letter, but the teacher failing to call upon him as there were just too many words she could think of that were profane. Finally the teacher gets to the letter “R”.

“Now class, can anyone tell me a word that begins with the letter ‘R’?”

Little Johnny’s arm, without fail, shoots up. At this point the teacher has already gone through all the students, except of course for Little Johnny, and even had called on some of the children a second time. And the teacher thought for a moment, “Hmmm… I can’t really think of any bad words for the letter ‘R’.”

“O’kay… Johnny?”

At which point Little Johnny lowers his hand and answers in a dead pan voice, “Rats.”

Adds in a louder voice, “Big fucking rats!”

Spreads his hands about 10-inches apart, “… With dicks this long!!!”