Lets talk

[1HotBoss70]

Well, sorry to dump on you guys/gals but things are not going so well for me lately...I have always been prone to depression, actually bipolar, and lately for the last 3-4 months I have feeling more melancholy than usual....just getting tired of the grind...I guess I would say the internal fighting more than anything....I had to give up my job that I had for over a year and a half last month...a job which I worked really hard at, and did very well at, it was a internal decision with my boss, who hired his brother and left me in the cold...nepotism at its best...got lucky I guess and got another job working further from home, at a busier location making the same money, and not really doing as much what I am trained for...but again its a job....

The girl I am living with now for 7 months or so, I am having second thoughts about why she is with me....am I just security for her...she is separated and going through a very long divorce process, but to me it seems like she is in no hurry to get divorced and have her life move forward with me...maybe my insecurity but lately I have been feeling less for her, and this is been the reason why....if she wanted to be with ME...why wouldn't she put more pressure on moving forward more quickly on this divorce...

Had major surgery almost a year ago, things are alright I guess in that aspect, but I was hoping to feel better, my sex drive has declined (maybe the depression) but I am looking for "more" not sure how to describe it....

I am feeling like I want to make a major change, a move to another city...but my insecurities and these economic times are hindering me...a few years ago, I would not have hesitated but now everything I think of or decisions I want to make seem like a chore...not sure what to do....scared all the time, unsure of who I am anymore, empty inside...no kids, no wife....my dad who is still alive and doing well health wise has never really been there and not a dad who I can talk to, never has been, my brothers are brothers via DNA only...and any professional help I seek only push the pills which I am tired of trying...that being said...I haven't had a good night sleep in months...

I know there are worse people off in this world, and I am blessed in so many ways...just tired of feeling like this

Sorry to dump

Thanks

[rsg]

If I were you I'd try to find a doctor who will work with you on solutions that suit your lifestyle if you're uncomfortable taking meds.
Depression is a serious issue and you should treat it as any other disease before it gets out of hand. Best of luck to you.

[spuds]

Joe I'm really not sure how best to advise you mate.

To be honest until someone in my family who's very very dear to me has recently been 'professionally diagnosed' with depression I'd always considered it a bit of a 'phase' kind of thing.... & it's only now that I'm even beginning to remotely understand?/imagine? what it must be like.

I can only suggest you find a Doctor you have faith in & who'll work with you but I sincerely wish you well mate I really do.

[Lion]

Joe, I'm sorry you feel trapped and unhappy. Maybe you can find a doctor who is more supportive of you and understands why you do not want to be overly medicated. Is there a support group you could check out or a group therapy session you could join. What makes you happy and work at incorporating these activities into your life. Do you have male friends who understand and you can hang out with???
Good luck and remember we are here.....

[Frogman4me]

Seek professional help, we will be here to support you in anyway but I am not qualified to be giving any advice on this matter. I just wish you the best of luck in your recovery and my prayers are with you.

[kareemthedream33]

Hey Joe. Firstly, I am not an expert and perhaps speaking to a professional, as others have said, is a good idea. However, I have some thoughts for you.

The idea of longing for something else is older than society itself. So the first thing you should know is that your feelings are completely normal and everyone goes through it at some point. Thats how philosophy was created, and its why humans have sought out the stars, the ocean, the plains, the mountains, etc. It is also normal to tie your sense of self-worth to external things i.e. your job, or even your girlfriend. But before you can do that, you have to love yourself.

I hope I am not breaking any rules by bringing this up, but I consider myself an existentialist, its branch of philosophy. I won't get into it too much, but essentially it states that meaning is something to be determined within ourselves. Thus, the individual is solely responsible for giving life meaning. In this way, you determine what makes you happy or content, don't let what you think you're "supposed" to achieve determine your state of mind. Happiness in my mind is an entirely different concept than happiness in someone elses, and I respect everyones opinion on the matter.

I believe we are all conditioned to believe that we are only successfull if we get the nice house with a yard, two car garage, picture perfect family, nice cars, nice tv's, nice vacations, blah blah blah the American Dream. But maybe the American dream isn't your dream, and it certainly isn't for everyone.

Perhaps that was a bit of a rant but I hope it gave you some things to think about. And again, if you think you need to see a professional, please do. And keep your chin up.

"The thing is to find a truth which is true for me, to find the idea for which I can live and die. ... I certainly do not deny that I still recognize an imperative of knowledge and that through it one can work upon men, but it must be taken up into my life, and that is what I now recognize as the most important thing."
- Soren Kierkegaard

[DCgator]

Joe, I wish you find the help you need and that everything works out for you. We are here for you.

[girltime]

Joe,

I hope you find a doctor that can work within your comfort zone. Seeking out support groups in your area would be good for you and I'm sure you would be a great person that could help others.

In this economy, if you have a job that's a good thing. Best to consider leaving your job once you've secured a new one. It may seem like a good idea in moving to another city to escape issues at hand, but I'm sure you will work them out.

Be honest with your girlfriend on how your feeling and you will find out if she is the right person for you.

I wish you all the best.

[toph]

Once again i am not qualified to help per se. But you want to talk and i like to talk.

One thing comes accross to me is that you feel so many things are going 'not quite right' some are in your control and some are not. My advice is to tackle one at a time. Be it the easiest or the most important. ( none of it will be easy though) but just sorting one issue will give you that feeling of success and belief that you can do it. Much easier said than done i know.

One other question.. and feel free to tell me to mind my own business. How much do you really know and talk to your partner, who is going through a divorce, about it? It depends on how important it is too you though. Maybe she struggles too and wants you to be there for her to be someone she can rely on? she has already been let down before by a man. Do you know how hard it is for her at all, do you discuss it? she is a woman and women by nature are more sensitive than men in these things. You say she is taking it slowly not moving on with Divorce but maybe she needs help too and i bet she wants it from you. that shoudl be an honour. Talk to her, tell her about your anxieties and get her to talk about hers with you? maybe a third objective person might help? When partners dont talk things build up and they feel awkward like they cant discuss things and that is another real problem too which quite often affects many other things in life.

Hope i haven't offended anyone.
cheers

[Esexx]

Joe...I have a little bit of a clue of what you are feeling. Right now I am going through the worst time in my life. Working through a divorce and my situation is pretty bad.

Even though it is the worst time ever, it is also the best! I am learning from the experience and I have 2 kids which I have always focused on. Usually I keep everything to myself and not open up to anyone. I have learned I cannot go through thisby myself and I have a huge support system of family and friends. I am also going through hmmm, counseling and it is helping me a lot.

So, my only advise it to seek counseling and talk with your girlfriend (friends too). PM if you need anything.

[HL65]

Originally Posted by Frogman4me

Seek professional help, we will be here to support you in anyway but I am not qualified to be giving any advice on this matter. I just wish you the best of luck in your recovery and my prayers are with you.

Well said David-- agree 100%. Keep the faith and focus on the good in your life and talk to a pro!! May good things lie ahead for you!

[GradyPhilpott]

I agree with the seeking professional help.

Going further, I would say that any involvement with a married woman cannot end well.

To me, it sounds like you've more going for you than against you.

Take a look at your strengths and build on those--not married, no kids, no family enmeshment.

The correct meds with the proper supervision can make all the difference in the world. Don't rule it out, even in you've tried it before.

Good luck.

[oneillba]

My prayers are with you.

[folexhater]

I know there are worse people off in this world, and I am blessed in so many ways...just tired of feeling like this

Sorry to dump

Thanks[/QUOTE]

Just always keep that in mind, friend! That stage in your life will pass...and positive changes usually occur! Life is all about challenges and we just have to surpass our obstacles! Good Luck to you!

[smartson]

Hi Joe, I think you do pretty good.

You share your inner struggle openly and clearly, you obviously is not out of your mind.
You are able to secure another job rather quickly, you indeed is good at what you do.
You have an intimate relationship even when you think you don't deserve, you must have some charm yourself don't even realize.

For a moment, I wanted to be like you. I know, I know...I can only be myself cause everyone else has been taken!

However, I can certainly sense the depression in your tone, perhaps a sense of insecurity facing economic situation.
Perhaps the love faded, and you don't know how to deal with it.
Perhaps you want to be a better you, but don't know how to get there.
Perhaps you want someone to share your thoughts and life.

I know the standard advise is to get professional help, but these days the only thing psychiatrist do is to prescribe anti-depressant. I heard those drugs could do more good to the pharma companies than to you. Unlike the early days of this profession, psychiatrist would tried to understand you by doing 'psycho-analysis' and give you advices. Not any more. Otherwise at least you can have them to talk to.

Fortunately, all your concerns and situations are still within your control. I think only you know what is best for you. May be it takes some courage and effort, I think you can get there.

Let's talk more. We are here for you.

------
I am a born pessimist and often suffer from anxiety attack. The mental and emotional turmoil often have physiological effects (raising heart beat, sweating, hyperventilating, pressure on chest, unable to concentrate, poor sleep quality). I will PM you for something I tried.

[cyglee]

Hey Joe,
Look at all the friends you have, from all around the globe.
If you feel comfortable talking, we will listen.
It could be about life, muscle cars, or.... even watches!
You are not alone.
Be well.

[kareemthedream33]

Here's a quote I like, not only for the OP, but for everyone. I know we joke about our spouses/wives/girlfriends but the truth is we all get frustrated at some point in our relationships. I'm young but I've had the same girlfriend for 5 years and she's great, but I always read this quote when I'm upset. It's from Bob Marley.
"You may not be her first, her last, or her only. She loved before she may love again. But if she loves you now, what else matters? She's not perfect - you aren't either, and the two of you may never be perfect together but if she can make you laugh, cause you to think twice, and admit to being human and making mistakes, hold onto her and give her the most you can. She may not be thinking about you every second of the day, but she will give you a part of her that she knows you can break - her heart. So don't hurt her, don't change her, don't analyze and don't expect more than she can give. Smile when she makes you happy, let her know when she makes you mad, and miss her when she's not there." -Bob Marley

[Lisa]

Originally Posted by kareemthedream33

Hey Joe. Firstly, I am not an expert and perhaps speaking to a professional, as others have said, is a good idea. However, I have some thoughts for you.

The idea of longing for something else is older than society itself. So the first thing you should know is that your feelings are completely normal and everyone goes through it at some point. Thats how philosophy was created, and its why humans have sought out the stars, the ocean, the plains, the mountains, etc. It is also normal to tie your sense of self-worth to external things i.e. your job, or even your girlfriend. But before you can do that, you have to love yourself.

I hope I am not breaking any rules by bringing this up, but I consider myself an existentialist, its branch of philosophy. I won't get into it too much, but essentially it states that meaning is something to be determined within ourselves. Thus, the individual is solely responsible for giving life meaning. In this way, you determine what makes you happy or content, don't let what you think you're "supposed" to achieve determine your state of mind. Happiness in my mind is an entirely different concept than happiness in someone elses, and I respect everyones opinion on the matter.

I believe we are all conditioned to believe that we are only successfull if we get the nice house with a yard, two car garage, picture perfect family, nice cars, nice tv's, nice vacations, blah blah blah the American Dream. But maybe the American dream isn't your dream, and it certainly isn't for everyone.

Perhaps that was a bit of a rant but I hope it gave you some things to think about. And again, if you think you need to see a professional, please do. And keep your chin up.

"The thing is to find a truth which is true for me, to find the idea for which I can live and die. ... I certainly do not deny that I still recognize an imperative of knowledge and that through it one can work upon men, but it must be taken up into my life, and that is what I now recognize as the most important thing."
- Soren Kierkegaard

I like this a lot.

[1HotBoss70]

Thanks everyone for their posts and well wishes....it has been a tough few months, more so than usual...my past job or past employer per se really did a job and kicked me in the b@lls ... i hate the way I feel about this....I have lost all faith in people and the words people say...it seems like I am constantly trying to catch my breathe...when I do come up for air and I start to feel better it is only for a short time, then I feel like I am drowning again...constant worry about my job, what people are saying, my own feelings, I am tired of trying to make others happy and not focusing on myself...and I do know the key is to focus on myself, but how does one do so, and get the mind set off of my insecurities...

[Johny]

hi joe...its been a long winter. spring is on the way. i have noticed that the daylight is lasting longer now...not dark so early. i have opened all the blinds and curtains to let the light in to the house. it feels warmer. j

[Kapture1]

On the record The Strangest Secret, it says to write in a 3x5 card what you want. We all want something, so write it down. On the other side, write down the sermon on the mound.

We all want something, we are all scarred of something. Anytime you start thinking of fear,what scares you, replace in your mind with the goal you want. Do this for thirty days.

[bulldogdaddy]

Originally Posted by 1HotBoss70

<snip>I feel like I am drowning again...constant worry about my job, what people are saying, my own feelings, I am tired of trying to make others happy and not focusing on myself...and I do know the key is to focus on myself, but how does one do so, and get the mind set off of my insecurities...

Lots of warm feelings and good advice here. Right now you are in deep crisis, that is clear. I have respect for whatever might work for you, certainly support groups, therapy, SSRIs (been there) and even Kareem's approach. It has to work for YOU, and it looks like it needs to work now.

My thoughts:

Dale Carnegie (How to stop Worrying and Start Living) In a nutshell, imagine the worst that could happen and figure out how you would deal with it. Then try to work from there - ex. You lose your job, your house, your girl. What would you do today, starting from there?

Alcoholics Anon. Take one day at a time. Deal with today. Let tom'w take care of itself.

I don't agree that you have to focus on yourself. My view? Looking at others brings distraction, looking within brings despair. Looking to God brings deliverance. (Even AA acknowledges that you should look to a "higher power".)

It only works for those who it will work for (you have to want it), but try praying for God to lead you to deliverance, guidance, and a knowledge of Him. "When my father and my mother forsake me, then the Lord will take me up." Ps. 27:11

[axxeman01]

I fight depression too; just remember this, there *will* be sunnier days ahead, no matter how crappy it feels today, tomorrow will be better. And if not tomorrow, then the day after or the day after.

[1HotBoss70]

I don't understand why I give a crap about so much little things...like what certain people who don't even know me may think of me, or comment about me...I guess its my insecure nature....how can I get the " I don't give a sh!t attitude"

[toph]

Originally Posted by 1HotBoss70

I don't understand why I give a crap about so much little things...like what certain people who don't even know me may think of me, or comment about me...I guess its my insecure nature....how can I get the " I don't give a sh!t attitude"

I guess that is to do with being confident in what you do and how you do it. Dont worry about others, real people and friends like you for who you are. if you have to worry about what they think of you then that is not a true friend IN my opinion. Nothing wrong though with giving a sh!t but cocnetrate on what really matters to you and not what others think

[Medtech]

Originally Posted by 1HotBoss70

Thanks everyone for their posts and well wishes....it has been a tough few months, more so than usual...my past job or past employer per se really did a job and kicked me in the b@lls ... i hate the way I feel about this....I have lost all faith in people and the words people say...it seems like I am constantly trying to catch my breathe...when I do come up for air and I start to feel better it is only for a short time, then I feel like I am drowning again...constant worry about my job, what people are saying, my own feelings, I am tired of trying to make others happy and not focusing on myself...and I do know the key is to focus on myself, but how does one do so, and get the mind set off of my insecurities...

Joe,

Hang in there bro...

IMO, You need meds, and a good support group.

You are in what I like to call a "swirlie" right now (think toilet bowl). You can't get your bearings, everything is blurred, nothing makes sense.

Now is NOT the time to make big changes or to pull a "geographic" change; "wherever you go, there you are".

Now IS the time to stand perfectly still, and try to slow everything down.

Yes, you need to take care of your depression, however at the same time you need to stop obsessing on your negative "perceptions" of your situation.
Find some positive, healthy distractions (ie exercise). Make sure you are sleeping enough, eating regularly, and taking a multivitamin (the basics, but often overlooked).

I say "perceptions" because I'm sure things are far worse in your head than in reality. But then again, what's in your head IS your reality (at the moment). Therein lies both the problem and the solution.

It's like wearing sh*t covered glasses. Everything you see looks sh*tty, no matter how good or benign it might be. When you process the entire world w/ this negative view, of course bad things will happen. Some of these things are just part of normal life, some are "self-fullfilling prophecies". The key is to try your best not to take them all so personally (easier said than done, I know).

How do you turn this around?

Go see a professional. Depression is fast becoming one of the top disabling diseases. If you suffer from this chronically, it's likely you need medications to help get you over the hump.

Then, you need to re-program your negative centered thinking. Use positive afformations posted on the mirror, tell yourself you love yourself 3 times a day, (cheesy but they work). You don't have to believe these positive sayings at first, just keep doing them every day. Build on these small things daily to build new, positive habits. Set backs will happen, don't sweat them.

Sound too simple?? Well, you can always tell yourself it's just lame advice you got for free on some watch forum...

Take Care, you're not alone...