Bipolar disorder

[blassy]

I cannot thank all of you for your advice and kind words of encouragement. After all these years, this place still never ceases to amaze me.
I know we have a long road ahead. I voiced some of my concerns to our family doctor yesterday and he immediately called her at work mentioning only that I had mentioned to him in passing that she was experiencing insomnia. She’s agreed to go see him on the weekend and he’s going to try to ask some leading questions to see if he can begin a dialogue. She’s mad I spoke to him but this can’t continue.
I just don’t want to ruin Christmas for our girls if things spiral out of control quickly now but I felt I had no choice.

[1st amg]

OMG Chris, this is so hard to read. I know over the years you have shared your family travels, life, and children here on TRF. I know it is the most important thing for you. I pray that things get back to normal for you and the children and that your wife realizes what problems she is creating and is able to stop.

[subtona]

Hope you find the best treatment asap and move back toward normalcy.

[RW16610]

Originally Posted by blassy

I cannot thank all of you for your advice and kind words of encouragement. After all these years, this place still never ceases to amaze me.
I know we have a long road ahead. I voiced some of my concerns to our family doctor yesterday and he immediately called her at work mentioning only that I had mentioned to him in passing that she was experiencing insomnia. She’s agreed to go see him on the weekend and he’s going to try to ask some leading questions to see if he can begin a dialogue. She’s mad I spoke to him but this can’t continue.
I just don’t want to ruin Christmas for our girls if things spiral out of control quickly now but I felt I had no choice.

I'm praying that this doctor's appointment leads to the seemingly needed referral to a psychiatrist.

You certainly did the right thing and had no other choice.

[Yobber76]

Sorry to hear about your wife. It is a horrible illness. I agree that your battle should include a psychiatrist, probably more than a medical doctor.
From the couple of people I've seen that were Bi-polar, in time they become very compulsive, with huge ups and downs. Unfortunately, this can lead to serious drug addiction, first prescription, then beyond. My wife worked with a nurse that went bi-polar in her late 20's, they were ER nurses together, the nurse started stealing prescription drugs from the dept.
The other i've known was the daughter of my old boss, who showed bi-polar in college, and by the time she was in her late 30's was in jail for robbery to feed her drug habit. My retired boss was raising his pre-school granddaughter.

I realize my knowledge is limited, but the outcomes I've seen are not good.
I would block your finances, talk to a lawyer, a psychiatrist, as well as your doctor.

Good luck to you and your wife.

[zengineer]

She will not get better without professional intervention. There may be no other option but to force this to happen. Seek out a family law attorney.

[emersm]

Hoping for the best possible outcome for you and your family Chris.

[Dyim]

When she is at the manic stage, she probably won't listen very well since she 'feels' fine. She is not going to want treatment.

Might have to wait for her to get to the depressed stage to get a bit more cooperation.

GL. It is a life long illness.

[Old Expat Beast]

Originally Posted by blassy

So kind of at my wits end, and just looking for advice anywhere I can get it.
My wife who has always struggled with anxiety disorder, has had a rather dramatic behavioral change over the last few months.
She suddenly stopped sleeping and was always in her phone. Soon found out she was incessantly texting some 25 year old boy she works with (she's 48) because he was showing her lots of attention.
Suddenly the obsession grew - googling things like "how should I list my crush in my phone". I honestly thought it was my 12 year old daughter doing it. Her texting not only with him, but all her new friends became a frenzy. Up until 2 or 3 am and back at it for 7am.
For comparison - she sent 70 text messages in August. In November it was over 1500.
Then the spending started. Found out she took out a credit card in just her name in August when I found a bill under one of her pillows. She's managed to run it up to 22K in just 4 months. New obsession is the hair salon....goes two to 3 times a week and last month was over 500 dollars. Last night spent 3K on concert tickets for her and our daughters without discussing it. I've brought it up many many many times, but explaining there's something wrong or asking if she needs help or telling her I'm worried about her...falls on deaf ears.
I've learned you can't help someone who doesn't want it.
Our family doc thinks her anxiety meds have been masking a bipolar disorder for years.
At a loss right now but wondering if anyone out there has had experience with this in a loved one.

Could it just be that she's extremely and irrationally obsessed with this young guy, rather than bipolar? Have you spoken to him?

[KatGirl]

I am so sorry that you and your family are dealing with this. I pray that you get the help and guidance you need. I hope that you can persuade your wife to seek psychiatric care, as it does sound like she needs it, regardless of the actual cause for her sudden behavioral changes, or an official diagnosis. If she won’t seek professional treatment, please consider seeking some form of therapy, for yourself, so that you can better deal with this very difficult situation. Mental illness affects 1 in 5 families, and professional help should always be sought, if possible.

Kat


Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk

[TC94]

Originally Posted by blassy

I cannot thank all of you for your advice and kind words of encouragement. After all these years, this place still never ceases to amaze me.
I know we have a long road ahead. I voiced some of my concerns to our family doctor yesterday and he immediately called her at work mentioning only that I had mentioned to him in passing that she was experiencing insomnia. She’s agreed to go see him on the weekend and he’s going to try to ask some leading questions to see if he can begin a dialogue. She’s mad I spoke to him but this can’t continue.
I just don’t want to ruin Christmas for our girls if things spiral out of control quickly now but I felt I had no choice.

At some point, there will be a clear demonstrable risk of harm to the patient, the family or others.

If you care to work on a solution, get a mandatory psychiatric hold order, which the individual cannot fight. That allows for a much deeper assessment by a team of pros.

It’s your best chance at stopping progression, hopefully long enough to make the person accept that help is needed.

https://blog.opencounseling.com/involuntary-commitment/

[DLRIDES]

Originally Posted by airchitect

I’d grab kids and head the opposite direction. Would not derail the future for this.

/\ THIS /\

See a GOOD divorce attorney, plan you exit, get custody of your girls ! You are NOT going to save her, but you CAN save your girls !

.
.
.
.
.
.
.
or, you can try all the intentions matter more than results and symbolism over substance methods, then end up supporting a mentally unstable person to raise your children in an unfavorable environment for the rest of her life while working yourself to death eating bologna sandwiches in a 300 sq ft room behind someone’s garage.

Run hard and fast, take proper care of those girls !

White knights on big white horses are for fairy tales.

[Lesnerelli23]

Definitely sounds like bipolar disorder and experiencing a manic episode.

These are the hardest times to get someone help. However, as other members have mentioned, there will most likely be a down swing coming. That may be a much easier time to get her help.

The high associated with a manic episode is such that she probably doesn’t see any need for help. Imagine a months long cocaine high!!! This is similar, only she didn’t choose it…

If there hasn’t been an episode like this before during your years together, I’m not sure I’d run for the hills as others have suggested just yet. Something could be off or there could have been a sudden trigger of something that’s beneath the surface.

Hopefully the Dr can get her to start considering the idea of help. The insomnia approach seems like a good angle to start with! A concern for her physical health might be better received than accusations (even if they ARE founded).

Sometimes when a person’s child or children reach a certain age, an age where a parent may have experienced a trauma, it is triggering for that parent. It could be COMPLETELY subconscious, they most likely don’t even realize the connection. It’s all so repressed.

Anyway, I’m very sorry your family is going through this but, if she’s willing, there could be light for you all!

Btw - I have a psych degree from UofM so I hope that adds a little more substance and comfort to my response here.

I wish you all the best!!!


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[Michael1968]

Sorry to hear that

[White Collar Boy]

No advice, but real sorry to read this. You sound like an incredibly solid guy — good on you for keeping it all together for your girls.

I know you asked, but I don’t think anyone should make assumptions about your relationship, as there’s clearly love there. Much genuine respect and hoping it works out for everyone.

[xrole]

Originally Posted by blassy

I cannot thank all of you for your advice and kind words of encouragement. After all these years, this place still never ceases to amaze me.
I know we have a long road ahead. I voiced some of my concerns to our family doctor yesterday and he immediately called her at work mentioning only that I had mentioned to him in passing that she was experiencing insomnia. She’s agreed to go see him on the weekend and he’s going to try to ask some leading questions to see if he can begin a dialogue. She’s mad I spoke to him but this can’t continue.
I just don’t want to ruin Christmas for our girls if things spiral out of control quickly now but I felt I had no choice.

Are you going to take measures to protect your assets or are you just sticking your head in the sand with regards to that side of things? Take precautions now to avoid massive regret later and you can always reverse it if the situations calms.

[colpol]

Originally Posted by xrole

Are you going to take measures to protect your assets or are you just sticking your head in the sand with regards to that side of things? Take precautions now to avoid massive regret later and you can always reverse it if the situations calms.

My thoughts too

Hope the doctors appointment sheds some light on what’s happening but if was me - I’d be planning 2 courses of action in parallel. With or without her. No point in ruining 3 life’s to try & save 1

[THC]

Originally Posted by JasoninDenver

X2.

As a former divorce lawyer, I can tell you these things rarely improve. If they do, it is because the affected person recognized they had a problem and agreed to seek help.

Your duty here is:

1. Protect your kids. Having them see their mom unravel will do harm of orders of magnitude greater than a divorce ever will.

2. Protect yourself. Sadly filing for a divorce is your best option here. You can always withdraw it if she changes course. However, you need her away from the financial accounts as much as possible. More importantly, you will need to protect yourself from false accusations of spousal abuse. The temporary injunctions that come with a divorce action will offer this.

3. Help your wife. But only once the above two conditions are met.

It will take some time to accept the realization that you have been cheated on both financially and emotionally. Once this dynamic has entered any marriage, the odds for its continuous existence are slim to none.

This 100%

[AzPaul]

Tough read. Not an easy journey ahead for you, whatever the outcome.
Not qualified to offer advice, just my best wishes to you and all involved.

[TRS1]

I am so sorry to hear this. Makes it so difficult with kids. I would seek counseling and prepare. She is doing many things that would disturb me and prepare me to run. Seek counseling and God.

[HHIslander]

Ouch. Very sorry to hear this. To me, this sounds like somewhat of a midlife crisis. Happens to lots of folks as we age and I hope you both emerge on the other end with a stronger and more happy relationship. I strongly agree with the others that you should take steps to prepare for the worst from a financial standpoint. It can’t hurt and it will ensure your kids are taken care of in the future.

[1William]

You asked, so here we go. Her mental health/behavioral issues are such that I would not tolerate them. My first stop would be a good divorce attorney, second the bank and all financial institutions that she can utilize to impact you and your children. Once the course is explained to you by the attorney, you must act. This, at best, is a real bad show and not one that I would live in nor my children. The behavior will get worse on her part and all of the best intentions on your part will not work until she is ready for them. Even if she is ready, and it sounds like she is not, I would still get out while I could. It is only going to get worse until an event, or events, occur that will be significant. I delt with individuals with mental heath issues for 30 years a LEO and have personal experience with family and friends and it typically does not end well. Life is too short to tolerate this kind of behavior and based on her actions she has done irreputable harm to the relationship. Save yourself and your children and get out.

[Maleg]

Originally Posted by HHIslander

Ouch. Very sorry to hear this. To me, this sounds like somewhat of a midlife crisis. Happens to lots of folks as we age and I hope you both emerge on the other end with a stronger and more happy relationship. I strongly agree with the others that you should take steps to prepare for the worst from a financial standpoint. It can’t hurt and it will ensure your kids are taken care of in the future.

I agree with this assessment. It reads like a midlife crisis. If the case description were applied to a man, that would likely be most people’s first impression.

Protecting finances would be my first step. Many midlife crises do end in divorce, so protecting the family future is a priority. Hire a lawyer before you force her to hire one by insisting she needs psychiatric intervention.

[blassy]

Thanks to all of you. I certainly appreciate everyone's perspectives which is why I brought this out in the open.
There's no right or wrong here - just what I think is best for her, and most importantly the kids and the family.
To give some frame of reference. She has always struggled with bad feelings of low esteem, anxiety and insecurity. Her anxiety has gone up a lot for the last couple years and she has struggled, but all of this is new behavior.
She's cut all our friends out of her life. Kids were getting older, so she took at job at a local retail store filled with kids half her age....all of which she tends to identify more with now than people her own age. They are the only people she communicates with anymore. Guess a mid life crisis may be part of all of this.
But like I said - all of this is new behavior.
In the end, we all have our faults and mine might be loyalty to a fault. I promised to love this woman for better or worse, and now it's worse.
Don't get me wrong - I have contacted a lawyer, have protected assets she no longer has access to and kept a daily journal of her behaviors on advice of counsel. Those journals will be key when and if custody comes into question.
I am trying to help while protecting everyone else in parallel as I feel it's best right now.
I work from home for myself so am able to be with the kids 24/7.
I cook them breakfast, take them to school. grocery shop, cook dinner and get them ready for bed.
She gets ready for work, comes home and eats and goes upstairs to bed and on her phone.
I have no interest in this being my life long term...simply letting the kids have a somewhat normal possible last Christmas as a family before the real possibility their world completely crumbles.
If there's a chance to put this back together, I will. If I can't...I'm prepared to do what's best for my girls too.

[blassy]

And on a complete sidenote - I'm not unfamiliar with the struggles involved in mental health.
December 16 will be the 14th anniversary of my brother's suicide. While he lived a somewhat normal life, he began to have schizophrenic break that resulted in him believing many individuals were after him, that my mother was trying to poison him with her food...you get the point.
He took his life - in his poor broken mind - to save our lives. Last thing he said to my mom on the phone was..."Don't worry, as long as they're chasing me, they'll leave you and Chris alone".
We tried to get him help, but his slide was quick. Mental illness is not something I take lightly.
Did this experience have any influence on how I'm handling this...perhaps. I just know I don't give up on people until I have to.

[KatGirl]

Originally Posted by blassy

And on a complete sidenote - I'm not unfamiliar with the struggles involved in mental health.
December 16 will be the 14th anniversary of my brother's suicide. While he lived a somewhat normal life, he began to have schizophrenic break that resulted in him believing many individuals were after him, that my mother was trying to poison him with her food...you get the point.
He took his life - in his poor broken mind - to save our lives. Last thing he said to my mom on the phone was..."Don't worry, as long as they're chasing me, they'll leave you and Chris alone".
We tried to get him help, but his slide was quick. Mental illness is not something I take lightly.
Did this experience have any influence on how I'm handling this...perhaps. I just know I don't give up on people until I have to.

I’m sorry for your loss, Chris. This must be a tough time of year, for you. I admire your marriage commitment, and your willingness to fix things, if possible. As you’ve learned, some things are beyond our control. It sounds like you have a workable plan. You and your family are in my prayers. God bless you all.

Kat


Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk

[DLRIDES]

My apologies in advance for being blunt, but after reading over you posts again, IMO, she is in “heat”, plain and simple.

@JasoninDenver has the actions covered.

[-dustin]

Originally Posted by blassy

I promised to love this woman for better or worse, and now it's worse.

Originally Posted by blassy

I just know I don't give up on people until I have to.

Glad to see this. Gives me hope.

Don't really ever talk to my wife about stuff on the internets, but had to tell her about this thread. She teared up seeing some of the responses. She's been through a lot, and it's been a long road to recovery (17 months now). I know she wouldn't have chosen her path, and as long as she's doing what she can to control it, and heal, I'm not going anywhere.

Hope y'all find the help y'all need.

[Ballzzz]

I do not know how I would react in your situation but I can only hope I take your stance! God Bless you and I wish you luck and strength in your current struggles. You are who you are DO NOT LET THIS CHANGE YOU! Everything in life happens for a reason.

Originally Posted by blassy

Thanks to all of you. I certainly appreciate everyone's perspectives which is why I brought this out in the open.
There's no right or wrong here - just what I think is best for her, and most importantly the kids and the family.
To give some frame of reference. She has always struggled with bad feelings of low esteem, anxiety and insecurity. Her anxiety has gone up a lot for the last couple years and she has struggled, but all of this is new behavior.
She's cut all our friends out of her life. Kids were getting older, so she took at job at a local retail store filled with kids half her age....all of which she tends to identify more with now than people her own age. They are the only people she communicates with anymore. Guess a mid life crisis may be part of all of this.
But like I said - all of this is new behavior.
In the end, we all have our faults and mine might be loyalty to a fault. I promised to love this woman for better or worse, and now it's worse.
Don't get me wrong - I have contacted a lawyer, have protected assets she no longer has access to and kept a daily journal of her behaviors on advice of counsel. Those journals will be key when and if custody comes into question.
I am trying to help while protecting everyone else in parallel as I feel it's best right now.
I work from home for myself so am able to be with the kids 24/7.
I cook them breakfast, take them to school. grocery shop, cook dinner and get them ready for bed.
She gets ready for work, comes home and eats and goes upstairs to bed and on her phone.
I have no interest in this being my life long term...simply letting the kids have a somewhat normal possible last Christmas as a family before the real possibility their world completely crumbles.
If there's a chance to put this back together, I will. If I can't...I'm prepared to do what's best for my girls too.

[Madman37]

Hi

I am very sorry to hear this. I dont agree with anyone who says run a mile. You would not do this to your kids.

Can I ask a personal question and sorry if its to personal but has there been any trauma or extremely traumatic experienced before you met her?