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23 June 2010, 01:10 PM
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#1 |
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Member
Join Date: Dec 2009
Real Name: Joe
Location: Ontario Canada
Watch: "V" GMT IIc
Posts: 185
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Life Decision
Ok...I am in a middle of a life decision and I guess I need some friendly advice...I have been seeing this woman for over a year now...I love her, and we get along well, she needs to make a decision about her living arrangement soon and I don't want her to make a commitment on a lease just yet because I have been thinking about her moving in with me...BUT...she has two kids, both girls aged 14 and 10...nice enough kids...but this is what makes me hesitant...I have no kids of my own...how will I handle the lose of freedom, the responsibility, the additional parenting, I am a hardass when it comes to certain things like manners and education...
Advice please Thanks in advance |
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23 June 2010, 01:19 PM
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#2 |
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"TRF" Member
Join Date: May 2009
Real Name: Richard
Location: California
Posts: 1,092
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Children deserve stability. If you have even the slightest doubt don't disrupt their lives.
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23 June 2010, 01:21 PM
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#3 | |
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"TRF" Member
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Location: the doc side
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Quote:
But...you may surprise yourself. Big Q is where is their father ? Way easier if he's deceased.
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The payments remain long after the novelty has worn off. # 26371 NAWCC Member |
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23 June 2010, 01:27 PM
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#4 |
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"TRF" Member
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Without more information (and therefore a complete picture), it is difficult to give solid advice. The dynamic between the mother and the ex-husband is vital, as is the relationship (if any) between the two daughters and their biological father.
Regardless, it sounds as if you are considering taking on the considerable responsibility of stepfather, which is an EXTREMELY difficult role even if the dynamics between you and the children's mother are perfect. The potential difficulties are magnified by the daughters' ages which, from my experiences in education, are very difficult ages for another parental figure to emerge on the scene. It is potentially a relationship fraught with resentment and rebellion, one that must be handled with the most tact, communication, commitment, and dedication--in other words, not for the faint of heart. Best of luck whatever your decision. |
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23 June 2010, 01:28 PM
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#5 |
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"TRF" Member
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Real Name: Aldo
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Give it more than a year before you commit to co-habitating. Typically after the 2nd to 3rd year, the "TRUE" person comes out. The "children" subject is very touchy. I have seen marriages fall-apart because of the step-kids. My recommendation is to continue to LOVE her and her children, but not live together until a couple more years. There is NO RUSH!
Good Luck!!!
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 "The Rolex Sickness is Great, when your support group is TRF!"-CZ 
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23 June 2010, 01:38 PM
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#6 | |
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"TRF" Member
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Quote:
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23 June 2010, 05:09 PM
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#7 |
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2024 ROLEX DATEJUST41 Pledge Member
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Real Name: Eddie
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12 months is long enough to know where you are with your lady and the kids.
Grey areas will be easier to sort out when you are a family. Life is too short. Give it your best shot. Eddie.
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23 June 2010, 09:52 PM
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#8 |
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"TRF" Member
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Real Name: Mike
Location: South Carolina
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I think Richard nailed it.
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"A little sleep, a little slumber, a little folding of the hands to rest, and poverty will come upon you like a bandit, and scarcity like an armed man." Proverbs 24 "It is better to remain silent and be thought a fool, than open your mouth and remove all doubt." Unknown "Better to be a nobody and yet have a servant than pretend to be somebody and have no food." Proverbs 12 |
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23 June 2010, 10:20 PM
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#9 | |
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"TRF" Member
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Real Name: Mike
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Quote:
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23 June 2010, 10:27 PM
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#10 |
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"TRF" Member
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I am a firm believer of living together before you get married so I would say so far so good, however, you will be loosing a lot of freedom, even with just her living there. Adding two children makes it even harder. I wouldnt sign any leases or anything, dont give up your place until you are for sure this is the one. You will want a child of your own, so be prepared both financially and mentally to deal with 3 kids.
Always have a backup plan or a way out! |
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23 June 2010, 10:28 PM
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#11 |
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"TRF" Member
Join Date: Mar 2010
Location: Maui
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oh yeah, i agree, children desearve stability, it will cause issues with their entire life if something is out of wack.
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23 June 2010, 10:45 PM
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#12 |
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"TRF" Member
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You better have more than one bathroom.
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23 June 2010, 10:52 PM
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#13 |
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If you truley love her and the kids it can work. If you love her only then maybe it won't work out so good but don't take my advice as I wouldn't know the first thing about any kids.
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23 June 2010, 11:36 PM
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#14 | |
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"TRF" Member
Join Date: Jul 2009
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Posts: 3,779
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Quote:
That's a lot of estrogen under one roof ! 
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The payments remain long after the novelty has worn off. # 26371 NAWCC Member |
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24 June 2010, 12:12 AM
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#15 |
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"TRF" Member
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Follow your heart and be happy!!!
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24 June 2010, 12:53 AM
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#16 | |||
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"TRF" Member
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Quote:
Quote:
Quote:
Happiness is more important than anything, for everyone involved. More than one bathroom is quite important as well.
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24 June 2010, 03:01 AM
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#17 |
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"TRF" Member
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This is a very tough call, but I tend to agree with Richard. Put the kids at the foremost of your decision and you'll make the right choice.
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24 June 2010, 03:32 AM
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#18 |
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"TRF" Member
Join Date: Apr 2006
Real Name: Paul
Location: Wales, UK
Posts: 14,578
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Where's Faith when you need her?
 I wouldn't ask this bunch anything so intimate to be honest.
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24 June 2010, 03:35 AM
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#19 | |
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"TRF" Member
Join Date: Apr 2006
Real Name: Paul
Location: Wales, UK
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Quote:
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