What would you do?

[superdog]

On this one, I’m undecided. But meaning against.

Years ago I became pals with a customer. We became tight over time. He’s a great friend. I very much value the relationship. Dinners often. Hikes. Long talks about economy, theory, finance. Etc.

He got engaged along the way. I’m super tight with her too. We do a lot of dinners together.

They asked me to be in their wedding party. I’m obviously relatively old. It’s been a long time since my wedding party days. But these are good people. I was honored and said of course.

Bachelor parties were never my thing. I’m just not a big party guy. First it was Costa Rica. Never been, I was excited. Then Scottsdale. Also cool. Both a lot of daytime outdoor activities. Now it’s Mexico City. Confirmed.

I don’t tend to fear travel. I don’t love it either. But if I’m going somewhere, I’m not often nervous. Like I say, I don’t party hard. And I don’t often put myself on a position to worry. I’m also not necessarily an easy target.

I’ve been to MC twice on business. We had handlers both times. When they started floating the idea I said I didn’t want to stop them, but I wasn’t comfortable either. It’s now confirmed.

Apparently they know people. And we are staying in the nicest of areas with people in the know.

I’m still not comfortable.

Like I said, I tend to not be worried about travel. But I also don’t put myself in positions where I’d be worried. But any area of the US, I’m rarely concerned. At all.

Foreign country (one that I do love), don’t speak the language, old guy at bachelor party, an area known for “trouble”.

But I admit I’m ignorant on the subject. They say it’s super safe. Zero concerns.

I think I’m going to bail on this particular part of the festivities. I’m confident it’ll create some waves. And these people are important to me. But….if I’m not comfortable, I’m not comfortable.

I am who I am.

What would you do?

What would you do?

[mailman]

If I weren't comfortable going I'd just be honest with them as to why. If they're good friends they'll understand.

[Dan Pierce]

If these friends are important to you then it's safe to assume you are important to them. They might be more open to your concerns than you think. An open dialog would be the smartest, even if not the easiest place to start. If they are real friends they will understand.

Best of luck,
dP

[1William]

I have learned that when in doubt, don't. I have also learned how to have difficult conversations with people. The sooner you have the conversation the better. I would not be swayed and I would not be going to places that I do not want to go. Let us know how it goes.

[superdog]

Originally Posted by Dan Pierce

If these friends are important to you then it's safe to assume you are important to them. They might be more open to your concerns than you think. An open dialog would be the smartest, even if not the easiest place to start. If they are real friends they will understand.

Best of luck,
dP

I think it’s my fault actually.

I kept saying, I don’t want to the one that stops the plans. I expressed my discomfort. But also stated I really didn’t want to hold them up.

I think I’m simply going to politely not go.

[superdog]

Originally Posted by mailman

If I weren't comfortable going I'd just be honest with them as to why. If they're good friends they'll understand.

Originally Posted by 1William

I have learned that when in doubt, don't. I have also learned how to have difficult conversations with people. The sooner you have the conversation the better. I would not be swayed and I would not be going to places that I do not want to go. Let us know how it goes.

I agree with you both. And I am confident they will understand.

I also agree about the hard conversations. I’ve actually long been saying something similar about business. This is no different.

I admit I feel bad. But not bad enough to go.

[Dan Pierce]

Seth, one thing I've learned in my old age is to go with your gut and hope for the best. It's been a good barometer that's served me well.
dP

[superdog]

Originally Posted by Dan Pierce

Seth, one thing I've learned in my old age is to go with your gut and hope for the best. It's been a good barometer that's served me well.
dP

Wise words my friend.

Very wise words. I’m confident I’ll be adhering to them.

[AzPaul]

If their friendship meant a lot to me, I'd suck it up and go. But only if I could do it making sure I appeared to be having a great time. Going and then acting like a martyr would be worse than politely backing out.

[superdog]

Originally Posted by AzPaul

If their friendship meant a lot to me, I'd suck it up and go. But only if I could do it making sure I appeared to be having a great time. Going and then acting like a martyr would be worse than politely backing out.

Yeah. I’m not the martyr type. Not my style.

But I don’t think I’ll go. Not for a party.

If he needed me, I’d go anywhere. And he knows it. But for a party. I’m okay backing out.

I very much appreciate your perspective though.

[RTG]

Personally, I would try to vet their contacts first. Wealthy communities in MC are well insulated from the world’s problems. Could be exciting. If not convinced, or enticed by the idea, I would tell them the truth and not go. You’re probably not the only one with concerns.

[superdog]

^^^

Heck. I’m certain I would have a great time.

And 999 times I’m confident it would be perfect. But it only takes one time to change my life.

[superdog]

Originally Posted by RTG

Personally, I would try to vet their contacts first. Wealthy communities in MC are well insulated from the world’s problems. Could be exciting. If not convinced, or enticed by the idea, I would tell them the truth and not go. You’re probably not the only one with concerns.

Good advice.

I think I’ll do this.

[cdmorenot]

Seth, I’ve always secretly admired you and your success. I think you’ve gotten to where you are by trusting yourself and doing only the things that feel right to you. I’m always looking for ways to challenge myself and step out of my comfort zone. I have grown as an individual when I pursue or take on adventures that I don’t immediately feel comfortable with.

Like someone said before, I’m sure these friends value you as much as you value them. I’d be upfront, let them know where my head was at and skip that part.

If you have some kind of inclination to go, I will also tell you that Mexico City is fun and safe in the areas where I assume you’ll be staying. I’m sure your friends will also accommodate anything that might make you feel more at ease.

[m j b]

I think you made the right decision. That's a dangerous place, even more so for tourists and probably worst for American's with money. It's just an unfortunately fact of life that regardless of the handlers and the place that you stay, it's not a smart move.

And really, if you're not comfortable with it, you won't have a good time, it will be in the back (or front) of your mind, and that can't help but rub off on the rest of the group and that will bring them down.

I'm sure that they will understand. Especially since you expressed your reservations earlier on, it should not be a surprise to them.

[brandrea]

Agree with the others Seth, if they value your friendship they will totally understand.

Sure, prepare for some good natured heckling at the wedding (I’m sure you can handle it).

I would not go anywhere for anyone, if I were uncomfortable. I’m not going to be a lot of fun if I’m anxious or looking over my shoulder am I?

I’m in Dan’s camp… go with your gut

[Easy E]

One thing about real friends; you find out how solid the relationship is when you offer a counter opinion on something important to them.

To me this is an easy one. There is no foul in telling them this trip is not for you, have a great time, and I’ll see you when you get back.

[dba]

Originally Posted by Dan Pierce

Seth, one thing I've learned in my old age is to go with your gut and hope for the best. It's been a good barometer that's served me well.
dP

Always trust this. You gotta listen to the voices in your head.

Example: Couple of years ago, I stepped onto a ladder to get off my roof. The ladder gave way on the ground side and the ladder and I slid down the roof until the base found some purchase and stopped with a couple of inches to spare before the top cleared the eve of the roof. Scariest 10 seconds of my life. As a cop, I'd been shot at multiple times and even stabbed. This was scarier.

Fast forward a couple of years and I needed to get photos of some shingles the roofer had done a crappy job on. I climbed up the ladder and took some photos, and I couldn't step onto the ladder to get back down. I tried several times and I just couldn't do it. Thought about waiting the three hours until my wife got home, but she's the one that told me not to get on the roof to take pictures. (She'd witnessed the ladder slipping incident first hand). Finally called a friend who came over and held the ladder and I stepped right down.

You gotta listen to the voices in your head. Best of luck to you.

[Langnam]

I wasn’t comfortable when my 29 yo daughter went solo to Mexico City a few weeks ago. She went and stayed in the nicest part of the city and had a blast.

She was fine, my wife and I weren’t…

That trip changed my mind about MC.

I’m sure you’ll only be in the nicest part of the city.

You’ll be fine.


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[Tri-Tip]

You have made the right choice to not go if it doesn't feel right to you. You won't be able to enjoy yourself if you do go.

On the same note, it doesn't sound like you would ever ask them to move it to a different place, and if they offer to, you should tell them that they should have it where they want to and not let your choice influence their decision.

[HL65]

Agree Seth go with your gut.

[piratfisk]

Originally Posted by RTG

Personally, I would try to vet their contacts first. Wealthy communities in MC are well insulated from the world’s problems. Could be exciting. If not convinced, or enticed by the idea, I would tell them the truth and not go. You’re probably not the only one with concerns.

@Seth, this seems like the move, IMO. Do your own due diligence. I know you're not amped about traveling in general (like your trip to Bora Bora) & factor in any uncertainties about a foreign country... you'd be too in your head to have a good time.

Originally Posted by superdog

^^^

Heck. I’m certain I would have a great time.

And 999 times I’m confident it would be perfect. But it only takes one time to change my life.

I'm certain you'd have a good time, too. I've had a great time every time I've been to Mexico (never to D.F./CDMX are they're calling it nowadays). I was looking into Mexico GP F1 tickets & a friend in a local watch group underscored how important having a handler is in Mexico City.

Let's say you vet the contacts yourself & they "don't pass the Seth test." I think, if these friends know your aversion to travel, saying you're uncomfortable with the travel & you'll make it up to them at the wedding or something like that. You're in the wedding party, NOT the best man, correct? I believe your presence is requested/encouraged for these events, but not mandatory. You do have that as a +1 in the "no go" column.

[77T]

If one bump along the lifetime of your friendship causes a rift, then it wasn't as strong as it could be in the first place. If you don't go, your messaging matters most. I can't say this enough, the idea of vetting the "importantes" will translate into distrust of your friends. I would tread lightly there.

If it helps your discomfiture, there are places in Miami that are as dangerous and English is a second language. So gut check your discomfort and perhaps "share-travel" with another of their friends for the party?
Hopefully with a bilingual one.


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[1st amg]

Seth, I think you’re fine. Your spatial awareness is what makes you a smart guy. You’re in great shape for your age and that is intimidating to others. Your already thinking about this location so your on high alert already. Your mentally prepared believe it or not. You’re a natural battler. Give it a go, you may surprise yourself. If you feel it’s too over the top when there, get a strong bout of montezuma revenge and hide out in the fancy resort.


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[swils8610]

If you’re not comfortable Seth don’t go. Always go with your gut.


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[Watchdog]

You would be fine; however, nothing's guaranteed. In addition, there is no chance you would enjoy yourself with so much worry. Franky, it's better for your friends to enjoy themselves without your apprehension/energy around this one time (and I'm not saying I wouldn't be concerned either). So ultimately, the altruistic and best thing is for you to stay home and explain it, if necessary. You're a good dude for caring so much, and I'm certain they know it a million times more than we.

[East Bay Rider]

Trust your gut.

[JasoninDenver]

I will have to go against the prevailing opinion here and say go provided that: (1) your friend’s “contacts” are actually people who live there, (2) you trust your friend’s judgment, and (2) this isn’t solely a drunk fest.

I have a couple close friends who go down there all the time and love it. They speak Spanish, stay in the nice areas of town and tend to have private car service for their daily transport.

Honestly, it is like going anywhere in the world. If you are drunk, in the wrong part of town, and looking for trouble…. It will find you.

[996marty]

I don’t think it’s unreasonable to tell them you don’t want to go. If you put it to them like you have here I’m sure they’ll completely understand, good friends would get it