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Old 10 February 2017, 08:37 AM   #1
arizonapaul
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11 bad ones, but what the heck

1. I got invited to a party and was told to dress to kill.
Apparently a turban, beard, and a backpack wasn't what they had in mind.

2. After a night of drink, drugs and wild sex, John woke up to
find himself next to a really ugly woman. That's when he realized he had made it home safely.


3. Seven wheelchair athletes have been banned from the Para-Olympics after they tested positive for WD 40.

4. A teenage boy asks his granny: Have you seen my pills? They were labeled LSD?
Granny replies: The hell with the pills, did you see the dragons in the kitchen?


5. Wife gets naked and asks hubby: What turns you on more, my pretty face or my sexy body?
Hubby looks her up and down and replies: Your sense of humor! (Hospital visiting hours are 5:00 to 6:00.)


6. A chap's wife is back on the warpath again. She was up for making a sex movie last night, and all he did was suggest they
should hold auditions for her part.(His viewing will be Saturday from 7:00 till 8:30. )


7. I've accidentally swallowed some Scrabble tiles. My next crap could spell disaster.


8 . I woke up this morning at 9:30, and could sense something was wrong.
I got downstairs and found the wife face down on the kitchen floor, not breathing!
I panicked. I didn't know what to do. Then I remembered McDonalds serves breakfast all day.

9 . My missus packed my bags, and as I walked out the front door.
She screamed: "I wish you a slow and painful death, you bastard!"
I replied: "Oh, so now you want me to stay?

10. Bought the missus a hamster skin coat last week. When we went to the fair last night it took me 3 hours to get her off the Ferris wheel.

11 . The other night, my wife asked me how many women I'd slept with.
I told her: "Only you. All the others kept me awake all night!"
(The doctor says I should be able to see again in about ten days. The broken arm will take about a month. )
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Old 10 February 2017, 09:09 AM   #2
JohnnyH75
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funny you made my day !!
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Old 10 February 2017, 09:13 AM   #3
Beauregard
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Number 11 reminds me:

I asked my pop if he's ever slept with a blond, he said "yes." How about a brunette? "Yes."
What about a redhead? To which he replied "didn't sleep a wink."
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Old 10 February 2017, 10:06 AM   #4
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Old 10 February 2017, 11:48 AM   #5
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Old 10 February 2017, 12:19 PM   #6
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Old 10 February 2017, 02:00 PM   #7
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Old 14 February 2017, 10:02 AM   #8
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Great.
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Old 14 February 2017, 12:48 PM   #9
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I like #7. May use that one!
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Old 14 February 2017, 09:43 PM   #10
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Old 14 February 2017, 09:45 PM   #11
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:)
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Old 16 February 2017, 12:12 PM   #12
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Old 23 February 2017, 04:59 PM   #13
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funny you
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Old 23 February 2017, 10:00 PM   #14
blufinz52
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Some of those made me laugh out loud. Thanks!
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Old 25 February 2017, 01:00 AM   #15
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hamster coat. priceless!. thank you!!
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Old 25 February 2017, 07:15 PM   #16
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Nice one arizonapaul
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Old 28 February 2017, 01:20 PM   #17
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Those were really good. I'm still laughing.
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Old 28 February 2017, 01:49 PM   #18
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Quite a few made me chuckle out loud... thanks
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Old 1 March 2017, 10:15 AM   #19
htbilgic
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The wife ones are amazing! Especially 2 and 5!
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Old 31 March 2017, 12:03 PM   #20
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Great!!!!
Funny you
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