Dating Advice: How do you guys get over someone that was “special”

[tyler1980]

Originally Posted by Star Ferry

Another issue is that women in America, on average, weigh over 160 pounds. The literary James Bond was 6 feet, 167 pounds. I'm not dating a 5'4" 165 pound woman with 40% body fat. I can't appreciate the female form when it's obscured by 30 pounds of excess lard

its not gender specific. I always notice that the BMI of the airport passengers doubles in 8 hours when i take off from Heathrow airport and land at Houston airport. Its shocking to all of a sudden see people twice as big. Maybe not literally double but its always the first thing that i notice so its way different.

[Star Ferry]

Originally Posted by tyler1980

its not gender specific. I always notice that the BMI of the airport passengers doubles in 8 hours when i take off from Heathrow airport and land at Houston airport. Its shocking to all of a sudden see people twice as big.

Agreed. It's a public health issue that affects both genders. I only mentioned women because in the context of dating, that's who I'm interested in. What constitutes a normal weight, for both genders, is trending dangerously upward in the USA

On the opposite side of the coin, many young Korean women aim to weigh under 50 KG. There's a sophisticated shaming process that convinces them that a weight like 54 KG (119 pounds) is too big. I think medical professionals are in agreement that 5'2" (a typical Korean female height) 54 kg is a healthy size.

[Etschell]

what does bmi have to do with pauls problem? the way i see it he just lost about 130 lbs.

[superdog]

Originally Posted by directioneng

You talkin' 'bout your next car?

Wait?? We are not talking about cars?

[CRM114]

Originally Posted by tyler1980

its not gender specific. I always notice that the BMI of the airport passengers doubles in 8 hours when i take off from Heathrow airport and land at Houston airport. Its shocking to all of a sudden see people twice as big. Maybe not literally double but its always the first thing that i notice so its way different.

Lots of transients from all corners of the earth at Heathrow, but as a regular traveler, time-killer, and observer there the UK too is catching-up, hard on America's pork-choppy heels.

[Vivalas]

Seems my views are in the minority but I’d want closure myself, even,if,just for peace of mind. Wouldn’t want to spend the rest of my life thinking ‘what if?’.

That’s just me though and at the end of the day what does any of us really know what someone else is thinking?

Good luck though, I hope you things improve for you soon.

[CRM114]

d

Originally Posted by Vivalas

Seems my views are in the minority but I’d want closure myself, even,if,just for peace of mind. Wouldn’t want to spend the rest of my life thinking ‘what if?’.

That’s just me though and at the end of the day what does any of us really know what someone else is thinking?

There's no need to for closure or "what if's" because through the miracle of thread drift, innuendo, and assumptions we've pretty much established the woman is;

1) Afraid to commit, obviously.

2) A fool for letting Paul get away. Indicates a poor judge of character.

3) Has an inexplicable hang-up about age differences but she went ahead and dated him anyway, which causes one to ask "What other neurosis is lurking below the surface which will reveal itself at a later time? Totally cray cray?". As you said, what does any of us really know what someone else is thinking? Here's what I'm thinking: Bunny Boiler.

4) Is overweight, and if she isn't at this moment being American hexes her, so she will be.

5) A taker, not a giver. She called him on his birthday, but where's the card? Where's the present? She must know Paul would like a new Rolex. Talk is cheap.

6) Not as fun or as sexy as a Pitts S2B even though the Pitts weights over 1100lbs empty, 5 times as much as her (or what she will be once the Ameri-hex kicks in). Plus, as big as she is (or will be) even if she can manage to squeeze into her seat he'd have to take less fuel to stay under aircraft's maximum takeoff weight which in turn decreases his range. Not a good trade-off any pilot wants to make, you have to really, really love someone to be willing to do that. Furthermore, if they do get airborne and she shifts around or her harness breaks while he's decides to fly inverted, and she slides halfway out to grab a strut, or worse, flight control surface and hangs there like a dummy instead of doing she should; fall away cleanly and open her parachute, not only will it play hell with the aircraft center of gravity but also it's lateral stability so if Paul can't shake her off with a quick snap roll towards the heavy side where she's hanging in order to fling her well clear and she's screaming too loudly/is too emotional to hear him yelling or understand his hand signals for her to let the f*** go, who knows what could happen to him! He might have to abandon his aircraft and get out himself, and not only would that destroy a beautiful, sexy airplane but if he's over trees his chute could get snagged in one and he'd hang there like that paratrooper on D-Day did from the French church steeple.

So really, the worst thing that could happen would be she says she'd like to get back together.

[Art 1]

Thought about this a lot, Paul. Too much to get into here with some things I have gone through. But I will say this is what I would do. Go see her, not call, not text, if that can't happen call. Straight out ask her if she has feeling and wants to continue on. You will know within 3 seconds. If it's not what you want to hear, or see in her eyes, delete and block numbers, and move on. As hard as that might be, waste no more time.

[SG56]

Originally Posted by CRM114

5) A taker, not a giver. She called him on his birthday, but where's the card? Where's the present? She must know Paul would like a new Rolex. Talk is cheap.

Or at least a Tumi!!

[twitch54]

I'm 64 years old, I've had it with those young chicks. I'm dating older gals now, 21-22 years old .........

as for the Op and his situation, find out if she has a sister and try and date her, it worked for me !

[DARK_KNIGHT]

Originally Posted by CRM114

And after Columbia there's Hong Kong, Japan, Ukraine, Russia, Italy.....but not until after the Pitts. Faithful mistress first.

My travel so far? Costa Rica, Panama, Nicaragua.........Venezuela......... in fact , Paul, come down to Costa Rica, will have you meeting doctors, lawyers, engineers, professional chics, not "working girls", unless...........gulp.........that is what you want. I am not joking Paul. Just PM me.

Originally Posted by Star Ferry

Another issue is that women in America, on average, weigh over 160 pounds. The literary James Bond was 6 feet, 167 pounds. I'm not dating a 5'4" 165 pound woman with 40% body fat. I can't appreciate the female form when it's obscured by 30 pounds of excess lard

I hear the same thing all the time from my ex-pat patients. They are repulsed by what they consider "fat" girls. I emphasize "what they consider".

Originally Posted by CRM114

stuffing my face with Doritos, Moon Pies, and drinking RC Cola" (No Xboxes, Playsations, or computers back then). Developed good habits, and people were normal-size

Ouch. I just had some Lays Staxx - no joke.........with two mason jars of ice cold home brewed sweet Ice Tea.

[TheVTCGuy]

Originally Posted by DARK_KNIGHT

My travel so far? Costa Rica, Panama, Nicaragua.........Venezuela......... in fact , Paul, come down to Costa Rica, will have you meeting doctors, lawyers, engineers, professional chics, not "working girls", unless...........gulp.........that is what you want. I am not joking Paul. Just PM me.







I hear the same thing all the time from my ex-pat patients. They are repulsed by what they consider "fat" girls. I emphasize "what they consider".




Ouch. I just had some Lays Staxx - no joke.........with two mason jars of ice cold home brewed sweet Ice Tea.

Thanks again everyone, I appreciate the kind words

BTW Jack, I speak Spanish.

[CRM114]

Originally Posted by SG56

Or at least a Tumi!!

Exactly right! Any woman who was even half paying attention would know to give Paul Tumi anything, no matter how small, and would. There's Tumi key fobs, Tumi phone cases, lots of Tumi stuff that wouldn't be extravagant but would mean a lot. So now we know she is also....

7) So into herself, all the time, she was oblivious-to and couldn't be bothered to learn Paul's favorite things even though that's one of the very first things one should find out about the other person. She probably didn't know his favorite food, color, or band from the 1980's either.

That girl was bad news.

[BNA/LION]

Originally Posted by TheVTCGuy

… So tell me TRF, how do you guys get over one that was so much fun, it’s hard to stop thinking about?

• "The best way to get over one is to get on top of another"

I hear Tinder https://tinder.com/?lang=en is the place to go these days if you are single. Some of my friend's both guys/gals say put a recent picture, be totally honest, take nothing personal and Have Fun. I understand it can be work but if you are looking for a partner to share your life with it is worth the effort.

[bayerische]

Originally Posted by JasoninDenver

I remember a good friend of mine’s answer when I lamented after a nasty breakup with a woman that “I dont know if I will ever have another girlfriend like her” and my friend bluntly said “I hope the f*@k not”.

[CRM114]

Originally Posted by DARK_KNIGHT

[B]
Ouch. I just had some Lays Staxx - no joke..

No worries, the operative word here is "Some".

In my purely unscientific, casual studies observing people eat, how much they eat, how often they eat, and what they have in their baskets in grocery stores (You know, those places where wheezy, waddling 40 year-olds now shamelessly drive around those motorized carts originally intended for the truly handicapped and elderly yet never steer near to the produce section unless it's on the way to the frozen pizzas and donuts), I reckon 80% of America's obesity problem is less about an absence of "healthy" foods and more about constantly...and I mean all the time... shoveling large...and I mean huge compared to anywhere else....portions of stuff into faces without doing much...and I mean virtually nothing... in the way of physical activity/exercise.

That 80% number I just pulled out of my a$$, but if one could put time locks on cupboards/refrigerators/freezers and had people eating a normal amount of calories per day no matter how they got them (healthy, unhealthy, whatever) plus forced them to move (using whips if necessary) the way most people should, it would solve most of the problem. America is obsessed with eating food. Half of all advertising is about food. What's good, whats bad, doesn't matter, just eat eat eat. It's a habit, something to do, the constant grazing between massive meals. It's the national pastime.

I also used the word "operative" in my first sentence because you're a Doctor, and if I was clever enough to do that, surely my diagnosis holds water?

For instance, that girl Paul knew is probably eating some food right now with some friends who are also eating, eating, eating, just to be social. Huge cheesy nachos and chicken quesadillas piled with avocado and sour cream, downing high-calorie drinks after starting the day with white chocolate mochas and caramel cocoa cluster frappuccinos. Then they'll all go home alone and Paul's ex will sit watching TV, mindlessly munching away on leftover pizza before killing off an entire box of Lindt chocolate truffles. Later, she'll lay all blame for her weight gain on the nacho's corn chips because they were probably GMO so, therefore (she heard from one of her friends), "not healthy". In the future, she will only get her daily calories via organic food....all 4,600 of them.

[DARK_KNIGHT]

Originally Posted by TheVTCGuy

BTW Jack, I speak Spanish.

Paul, you are ahead of the game. I have a really good friend - ex Microsoft Engineer - he got stock when he joined (no it was not at the beginning when it was founded - but he got stock like in 1988 or what ever ) and he retired around 2005 before he was 39, just from those options. We co-invested in a couple of things , that eventually went south. Anyways - he met a really skinny and bro, I mean skinny chic from Nicaragua (he decided that Costa Rican chics ) - while smoking hot - were just too sophisticated (high maintenance), they fell in love and her father gave her a piece of land in Nicaragua. He is over there, as happy as a pig in shi*.

She was like 22 years old. One day we are hanging out and while we are both intellectuals, I have a mean streak to me, which he doesn't. I started messing around and wrestling with my bro and out of nowhere - his wife comes straight at me with a baseball bat - because she thought we were fighting (she doesn't speak English), His wife is fiercely loyal. I asked her later, where you going to use the bat? She said - we don´t have a _ _ _ _ _ _ insert the no-no word , so it was the first thing I saw. I asked her again - where you going to use it? Stern look from her face, but no reply.

Originally Posted by CRM114

I also used the word "operative" in my first sentence because you're a Doctor, and if I was clever enough to do that, surely my diagnosis holds water?

Yes it does. Calories in vs calories out (barring any other endogenous or exogenous factors.

[Jocke]

Paul, PM me her address and I will fix everything for you.

[City74]

Honestly just move on. There are girls I dated years and years ago I still think about sometimes. It doesn’t hurt anymore but I still think about them and fun we had or good memories etc. Time heals wounds. It will yours also

[AK797]

Originally Posted by CRM114

And after Columbia there's Hong Kong, Japan, Ukraine, Russia, Italy.....but not until after the Pitts. Faithful mistress first.



If he stays at home, yes. However, half the female world out there (nor did our society for most of it's history) isn't so hung up on ages differences, and an older guy is seen as actually good. If Paul's woman liked him enough to date him yet ultimately waved him off because of something as narcissistic as age difference, good riddance, her loss. There's at least a billion women out there who don't see it the way, millions of which would be just as special plus would happily be his end game, and him hers.

No, the women are not the issue, it is more Paul from him saying that she is quite a bit younger than Paul and thus it was a non-starter from the get go, plus the latest one is also the same age. There's a little pattern here forming and generally a large age gap does not work out, not even for Leo.

[Star Ferry]

Paul, I think you might benefit from a dating coach (a real coach, not a "pick up artist" in a fedora hat) or a (male) clinical psychologist

Former military pilot with a radio-quality voice, successful career, happy & friendly personality... You have all the tools to crush the dating game. Your barriers to relationship success may be psychological (a.k.a. psyching yourself out)

Best of luck

[swils8610]

Had a female employee once say the best way to get over a guy is to get under another one!


“I think a man and his watch have a special bond”~Ralph Lauren

[BNA/LION]

Originally Posted by Jocke

Paul, PM me her address and I will fix everything for you.

Jocke- Please keep us posted... I'm very interested to see how you go about fixing this for your buddy!

[Tmac478]

You said yourself that you both knew this would not last. I know it's tough but get back on that horse and move on. A lot of ways to meet chicks these days.

[GradyPhilpott]

Originally Posted by TheVTCGuy

Here we are, coming up on one year since I got dumped, she called me on my birthday a couple months ago and there were vague references about getting together... blah blah blah. When I am alone, contemplating the world, (like I am tonight) I find my thoughts drifting towards her. It couldn’t ever work out, I SHOULDN’T want it to, still.... those thoughts drift where they do.

It would seem to me that that woman is jerking your chain for the fun of it.

Do yourself a favor and cut all ties with her, go through your grieving process, and in the meantime find some novel activity to engage in that is sufficiently challenging to take your mind of the source of your pain.

As you already know, it's not an easy process, but using such circumstances to build strength and also a sense of emotional independence, whereby you don't need anyone else in your life to be happy is the ideal path.

This way, you are more likely to not get into high-risk relationships, because you can bide your time looking for something more substantial and if all that fails, you won't really care, because you have become a happy, healthy, unit unto yourself.

[1911dude]

Originally Posted by TheVTCGuy

She is quite a bit younger then me so we both knew we were not each other’s “end games”

You said it all here, move on.

[Fleetlord]

Originally Posted by SG56

Wow, thumbs down.
you must look like James bond to claim that.

I'm not dating shallow people, even if they look like any of the bonds.

I'm 5'9" 145 lbs for the record.

I must agree. That was an appalling comment.

[enjoythemusic]

.

...we both knew we were not each other’s “end games” but nonetheless, we got along great and it was a very enjoyable relationship. The inevitable happened, I got dumped. It ended very abruptly with her saying: “Let’s just be friends.”

Tried being friends afterwards like you did, in the end it was best to ghost her. She might not even realize it but she might be keeping you around as a parachutte and you don't need the drag as being second best.

Ghost her.

[Fleetlord]

No contact.

If she wants back in, it will be her idea. She will contact you. It has to be up to her...

But then it is up to YOU to accept her back.

[gmh1013]

As many know ive been thrown back into "single" cat again. I cant stand the thought of having to date again at 61 sooo Im trying to get rid of stuff the reminds me every 10 mins of my deceased wife.....trying to sell house her SUV etc. Got rid over furniture and just start over with everything new.
The last watch she gave me a few years ago was a 38mm SS Omega AT with a brown strap white face and 18k gold hands....I liked it plus the store was going out of biz...she paid 3950 for it brand new. Since she died its the only watch ive worn or will wear so im getting rid of my Rolex/Omega/Breitling collection.....Keeping just the AT Omega. IMHO to Stop thinking of the person you have to get rid of stull that reminds you if them....which im doing except the one Omega.
I told my friend at a Mustang club meeting...I really dont want to ever get involved with anybody again and have to learn to be happy with my cats myself only. I still wear my wedding ring and plan to the rest of my life out of respect for my wife. Kinda answer your question....I dont understand why you cant find anybody.....being an ex Navy Pilot etc.
I would be thinking you would have to carry a bat to beat them off of you....You have lived a life most of us guys only dream of.
And Grady is right she may be playing some head game because she can.