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Old 8 May 2017, 03:10 PM   #1
Kingair
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Haribo Gummi Bears 10 pounds $ 10.51 . . .

Apparently there is a nice deal on Amazon for the Haribo Gummi Bears

https://www.amazon.com/Haribo-Gold-B.../dp/B000EVOSE4

Buddy of mine bought some but he ran into some problems . . . . :

Marc,

Oh man...words cannot express what happened to me after eating these. The Gummi Bear "Cleanse". If you are someone that can tolerate the sugar substitute, enjoy. If you are like the dozens of people that tried my order, RUN!

First of all, for taste I would rate these a 5. So good. Soft, true-to-taste fruit flavors like the sugar variety...I was a happy camper.

BUT (or should I say BUTT), not long after eating about 20 of these all hell broke loose. I had a gastrointestinal experience like nothing I've ever imagined. Cramps, sweating, bloating beyond my worst nightmare. I've had food poisoning from some bad shellfish and that was almost like a skip in the park compared to what was going on inside me.

Then came the, uh, flatulence. Heavens to Murgatroyd, the sounds, like trumpets calling the demons back to Hell...the stench, like 1,000 rotten corpses vomited. I couldn't stand to stay in one room for fear of succumbing to my own odors.

But wait; there's more. What came out of me felt like someone tried to funnel Niagara Falls through a coffee straw. I swear my sphincters were screaming. It felt like my delicate starfish was a gaping maw projectile vomiting a torrential flood of toxic waste. 100% liquid. Flammable liquid. NAPALM. It was actually a bit humorous (for a nanosecond)as it was just beyond anything I could imagine possible.

AND IT WENT ON FOR HOURS.

I felt violated when it was over, which I think might have been sometime in the early morning of the next day. There was stuff coming out of me that I ate at my wedding in 2005.

I had FIVE POUNDS of these innocent-looking delicious-tasting HELLBEARS so I told a friend about what happened to me, thinking it HAD to be some type of sensitivity I had to the sugar substitute, and in spite of my warnings and graphic descriptions, she decided to take her chances and take them off my hands.

Silly woman. All of the same for her, and a phone call from her while on the toilet (because you kinda end up living in the bathroom for a spell) telling me she really wished she would have listened. I think she was crying.

Her sister was skeptical and suspected that we were exaggerating. She took them to work, since there was still 99% of a 5 pound bag left. She works for a construction company, where there are builders, roofers, house painters, landscapers, etc. Lots of people who generally have limited access to toilets on a given day. I can't imagine where all of those poor men (and women) pooped that day. I keep envisioning men on roofs, crossing their legs and trying to decide if they can make it down the ladder, or if they should just jump.

If you order these, best of luck to you. And please, don't post a video review during the aftershocks.
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Old 8 May 2017, 10:39 PM   #2
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Crazy funny!

Kingair! So epically hilarious, never gets old to read this in its circulations....
Love it.

Anyway, when you are in the amazon page, scroll down to bottom Customer comments. More insane hilarity.... one of which,

quote:

Question:
Will i get hiroshima out my bum hole only if i buy the 5lbs bag or can i buy the 3.53oz bag and still have the same outcome

Answer: The ratio is prefectly balanced at 1lb per megaton of sphincter force. The 3.53oz bag is the more gentle Stinger Missile; while it would take approximately 1lb to achieve Hiroshima out your bum hole. The truly brave can eat the full five pounds to reach a sphincter core meltdown to match Chernobly, complete with evacuations of nearby villages.




Ohhhh.... now about the even lower (pun) comments .........see Customer Review headliners like: "I have seen the face of God" and "See you in hell, Haribo Sugar-Free Gummi Bears" ... Crazy, crazy....
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Old 9 May 2017, 02:23 AM   #3
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This has been going around for a while. No less hilarious every time I read it though.

Read the reviews on the platinum Daytona on amazon if you really want a good chuckle.


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Old 9 May 2017, 06:03 AM   #4
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Old 9 May 2017, 06:36 AM   #5
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Hilarious. I just had a colonoscopy last Friday. And to think, I could have done the Gummy Bear prep instead.
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Old 9 May 2017, 11:40 AM   #6
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Lol
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Old 9 May 2017, 12:22 PM   #7
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Old 10 May 2017, 12:41 AM   #8
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By the way a cousin of mine invented the measure of flatus called a Flaton. It is described as the amount of force it takes to move 1 cm of single sheet toilet paper 1 cm at 70°F and 50% humidity.
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Old 10 May 2017, 12:49 AM   #9
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By the way a cousin of mine invented the measure of flatus called a Flaton. It is described as the amount of force it takes to move 1 cm of single sheet toilet paper 1 cm at 70°F and 50% humidity.
Good for him~!
H i l a r i o u s.........
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Old 24 May 2017, 08:32 AM   #10
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Wow....
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