ROLEXROLEXROLEXROLEXROLEXROLEXROLEXROLEXROLEXROLEXROLEXROLEX
14 October 2017, 11:01 AM | #1 |
2024 ROLEX DATEJUST41 Pledge Member
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: New Mexico
Watch: 116710 BLNR
Posts: 34,347
|
The Cynical Philosopher
I read that 4,153,237 people got married last year. Not to cause any trouble, but shouldn't that be an even number?
Today a man knocked on my door and asked for a small donation towards the local swimming pool. I gave him a glass of water. I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandfather. Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car. I find it ironic that the colors red, white, and blue stand for freedom until they are flashing behind you. When wearing a bikini, women reveal 90% of their body... men are so polite they only look at the covered parts. A recent study has found that women who carry a little extra weight, live longer than the men who mention it. Relationships are a lot like algebra. Have you ever looked at your X and wondered Y? America is a country which produces citizens who will cross the ocean to fight for democracy but won't cross the street to vote. You know that tingly little feeling you get when you like someone? That's your common sense leaving your body. Did you know that dolphins are so smart that within a few weeks of captivity, they can train people to stand on the very edge of the pool and throw them fish? My therapist says I have a preoccupation with vengeance. We'll see about that. I think my neighbor is stalking me as she's been googling my name on her computer. I saw it through my telescope last night. Money talks ..but all mine ever says is good-bye. You're not fat, you're just... easier to see. If you think nobody cares whether you're alive, try missing a couple of payments. I always wondered what the job application is like at Hooters. Do they just give you a bra and say, "Here, fill this out?" I can't understand why women are okay that JC Penny has an older women's clothing line named, "Sag Harbor." My therapist said that my narcissism causes me to misread social situations. I'm pretty sure she was hitting on me. My 60 year kindergarten reunion is coming up soon and I'm worried about the 175 pounds I've gained since then. Denny's has a slogan, "If it's your birthday, the meal is on us." If you're in Denny's and it's your birthday, your life sucks! The pharmacist asked me my birth date again today. I'm pretty sure she's going to get me something. The location of your mailbox shows you how far away from your house you can be in a robe before you start looking like a mental patient. I think it's pretty cool how Chinese people made a language entirely out of tattoos. Money can't buy happiness, but it keeps the kids in touch! The reason Mayberry was so peaceful and quiet was because nobody was married. Andy, Aunt Bea, Barney, Floyd, Howard, Goober, Gomer, Sam, Earnest T Bass, Helen, Thelma Lou, Clara and, of course, Opie were all single. The only married person was Otis, and he stayed drunk.
__________________
JJ Inaugural TRF $50 Watch Challenge Winner |
14 October 2017, 11:39 AM | #2 |
"TRF" Member
Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: U.S.A.
Posts: 2,796
|
Thanks for this, needed a good laugh ! Mailbox one really rings true! |
14 October 2017, 11:44 AM | #3 |
2024 ROLEX DATEJUST41 X2 Pledge Member
Join Date: Aug 2017
Location: Tampa
Watch: SD4K
Posts: 2,674
|
LOL, those are awesome!!
Love the mailbox one too and quite a few others
__________________
Sea-Dweller 116600 - the manly one GMT II 16710 - the manly one Daytona 116500 - the manly-womanly one Yacht-Master 268622 - the chick version Speedy Mitsukoshi <3 Tag Heuer Aquaracer WAF141C.BA0824 - the chick version Thank you logan5tx!!! Have to link it. Too long for the signature. https://www.rolexforums.com/showpost...0&postcount=14 |
14 October 2017, 12:04 PM | #4 |
2024 Pledge Member
Join Date: Sep 2015
Location: Florida
Posts: 3,063
|
|
14 October 2017, 03:32 PM | #5 |
"TRF" Member
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: United States
Posts: 2,008
|
Awesome jokes. I plan to use some of these! Thanks for sharing.
|
14 October 2017, 07:51 PM | #6 |
"TRF" Member
Join Date: Jun 2014
Location: Socal
Posts: 860
|
|
14 October 2017, 10:06 PM | #7 |
2024 ROLEX DATEJUST41 Pledge Member
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: North Carolina
Watch: Rolex/Others
Posts: 44,749
|
Great jokes. Thanks.
|
16 October 2017, 08:14 PM | #8 |
2024 Pledge Member
Join Date: Dec 2007
Real Name: Peter
Location: Sydney
Watch: The Game
Posts: 17,407
|
|
16 October 2017, 10:08 PM | #9 |
"TRF" Member
Join Date: Oct 2017
Location: US
Posts: 24
|
|
18 October 2017, 12:35 PM | #10 |
"TRF" Member
Join Date: Apr 2012
Real Name: Alex
Location: Chicago
Watch: AP,PP, Rolex
Posts: 37,156
|
Awesome!
__________________
Instagram: @Hairdude Watches in Collection 5070R, 5522A, 214270 MK1, 228238 16750, 26401, 5711, 116718, 116710LN, 116300, 16710"Coke", 372, 15300, 15703 (All Flipped) Official Member "Perpetual 30" Las Vegas GTG 2016 Official Member "WIS-CON" Las Vegas International GTG 2017 Official Member 'WIS-CON' Las Vegas Int'l GTG 2018 |
19 October 2017, 10:09 AM | #11 |
Banned
Join Date: Apr 2017
Location: Usa
Posts: 93
|
|
20 October 2017, 02:43 AM | #12 |
2024 Pledge Member
Join Date: Jul 2017
Real Name: jb
Location: Texas
Posts: 2,250
|
super
thanks |
Currently Active Users Viewing This Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests) | |
|
|
*Banners
Of The Month*
This space is provided to horological resources.