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padi56 · 10 June 2017, 04:46 PM

A woman decides to have a face-lift for her 50th birthday. She spends £5,000 and feels pretty good about the results. On her way home, she stops at a news stand to buy a newspaper. Before leaving, she says to the clerk, "I hope you don't mind my asking, but how old do you think I am?"

"About 32," is the reply.

"Nope! I'm exactly 50," the woman says happily.

A little while later she goes into McDonald's and asks the counter girl the very same question. The girl replies, "I guess about 29."

The woman replies, "Nope I'm 50."

Now she's feeling really good about herself. She stops in a drug store on her way down the street. She goes up to the counter to get some mints and asks the clerk this burning question.

The clerk responds, "Oh, I'd say 30."

Again she proudly responds, "I am 50, but thank you."

While waiting for the bus to go home, she asks an old man waiting next to her the same question.

He replies, "Lady, I'm 78 an and my eye sight is going. Although, when I was young, there was a sure way to tell how old a woman was. It sounds very forward, but it requires you to let me put my hands under your bra. Then, and only then can I tell you EXACTLY how old you are."

They wait in silence on the empty street until curiosity gets the best of her. She finally blurts out, "What the hell, go ahead."

He slips both of his hands under her blouse and begins to feel around very slowly and carefully. He bounces and weighs each breast...He gently pinches each nipple. He pushes her breasts together and rubs them against each other.

After a couple of minutes of this, she says, "OK, okay...How old am I?"

He completes one last squeeze of her breasts, removes his hands, and says, "Madam, you are 50."

Stunned and amazed, the woman says, "That was incredible, how could you tell?'

The old man says, "promise you won't get mad?"

"I promise I won't." she says.

"I was behind you in line at McDonald's."

Psmith · 10 June 2017, 06:10 PM

MonBK · 10 June 2017, 06:45 PM

Good one.

SemperFi · 11 June 2017, 09:21 AM

Haha. I'm still laughing.

Hairdude1 · 13 June 2017, 01:33 PM

brkanand · 14 June 2017, 02:47 PM

Great!

swatty · 19 June 2017, 08:44 PM

Sperry · 20 June 2017, 07:04 AM

Dang nabbit! Got me again!

BNA/LION · 20 June 2017, 07:09 AM

cop414 · 20 June 2017, 08:14 AM

Good one Peter!

Rebel · 20 June 2017, 08:56 AM

Cute.

Al1969 · 20 June 2017, 02:02 PM

Cobain · 21 June 2017, 03:10 AM

Bill Burr has a great bit about face lifts

10 June 2017, 04:46 PM	#1
padi56 "TRF" Life Patron Join Date: Jun 2005 Real Name: Peter Location: Llanfairpwllgwyng Watch: ing you. Posts: 52,235	Face lift. A woman decides to have a face-lift for her 50th birthday. She spends £5,000 and feels pretty good about the results. On her way home, she stops at a news stand to buy a newspaper. Before leaving, she says to the clerk, "I hope you don't mind my asking, but how old do you think I am?" "About 32," is the reply. "Nope! I'm exactly 50," the woman says happily. A little while later she goes into McDonald's and asks the counter girl the very same question. The girl replies, "I guess about 29." The woman replies, "Nope I'm 50." Now she's feeling really good about herself. She stops in a drug store on her way down the street. She goes up to the counter to get some mints and asks the clerk this burning question. The clerk responds, "Oh, I'd say 30." Again she proudly responds, "I am 50, but thank you." While waiting for the bus to go home, she asks an old man waiting next to her the same question. He replies, "Lady, I'm 78 an and my eye sight is going. Although, when I was young, there was a sure way to tell how old a woman was. It sounds very forward, but it requires you to let me put my hands under your bra. Then, and only then can I tell you EXACTLY how old you are." They wait in silence on the empty street until curiosity gets the best of her. She finally blurts out, "What the hell, go ahead." He slips both of his hands under her blouse and begins to feel around very slowly and carefully. He bounces and weighs each breast...He gently pinches each nipple. He pushes her breasts together and rubs them against each other. After a couple of minutes of this, she says, "OK, okay...How old am I?" He completes one last squeeze of her breasts, removes his hands, and says, "Madam, you are 50." Stunned and amazed, the woman says, "That was incredible, how could you tell?' The old man says, "promise you won't get mad?" "I promise I won't." she says. "I was behind you in line at McDonald's." __________________ ICom Pro3 All posts are my own opinion and my opinion only. "The clock of life is wound but once, and no man has the power to tell just when the hands will stop. Now is the only time you actually own the time, Place no faith in time, for the clock may soon be still for ever." Good Judgement comes from experience,experience comes from Bad Judgement,.Buy quality, cry once; buy cheap, cry again and again. www.mc0yad.club Second in command CEO and left handed watch winder

10 June 2017, 06:10 PM	#2
Psmith "TRF" Member Join Date: Sep 2008 Real Name: Clive Location: Exoplanet Watch: spring-driven Posts: 38,856	__________________

11 June 2017, 09:21 AM	#4
SemperFi "TRF" Member Join Date: Sep 2014 Real Name: Angelo Location: Brooklyn, NY Watch: Rolex Submariner Posts: 42,164	Haha. I'm still laughing. __________________ Rolex Submariner Omega Seamaster Aqua Terra Tudor Black Bay 58 Blue Tudor Ranger 79910 Nomos Club Datum 733 Nomos Metro 38 Stowa Flieger Classic 40 * Card carrying member of TRF's Global Association of Retro-Grouch-Curmudgeons *

13 June 2017, 01:33 PM	#5
Hairdude1 "TRF" Member Join Date: Apr 2012 Real Name: Alex Location: Chicago Watch: AP,PP, Rolex Posts: 37,156	__________________ Instagram: @Hairdude Watches in Collection 5070R, 5522A, 214270 MK1, 228238 16750, 26401, 5711, 116718, 116710LN, 116300, 16710"Coke", 372, 15300, 15703 (All Flipped) Official Member "Perpetual 30" Las Vegas GTG 2016 Official Member "WIS-CON" Las Vegas International GTG 2017 Official Member 'WIS-CON' Las Vegas Int'l GTG 2018

19 June 2017, 08:44 PM	#7
swatty "TRF" Member Join Date: Dec 2007 Real Name: Peter Location: Sydney Watch: The Game Posts: 17,404	__________________ 5513, 7928, 1601(gifted to my daughter), 16610LV, 14060, 16610(Random serial),116610, ,79280P, 70330, 25600TB, 792500BM, M56000, 79030B, 25707B/21 (won this special watch),

10 June 2017, 06:45 PM	#3
MonBK Banned Join Date: Nov 2010 Location: Kingstown Posts: 58,281	Good one.

14 June 2017, 02:47 PM	#6
brkanand 2024 Pledge Member Join Date: Jul 2009 Real Name: DrK Location: India Watch: 4=YMDaytonaGMTHulk Posts: 7,047	Great!

20 June 2017, 07:04 AM	#8
Sperry "TRF" Member Join Date: Jan 2009 Real Name: Jim Location: Alpha Posts: 3,383	Dang nabbit! Got me again!

20 June 2017, 07:09 AM	#9
BNA/LION 2024 ROLEX DATEJUST41 Pledge Member Join Date: May 2011 Real Name: Larry Location: San Diego, CA Watch: ROLEX Posts: 25,193	__________________ ✦ 28238 President DD 18K/YG ✦ 16610LN SS Sub ✦ 16613 18K/SS Serti ✦ 16550 Exp II Non-Rail Cream Dial ✦ Daytona C 116500 ✦ 126710 BLRO GMT-Master II ✦ NEXT-->? ⛳ Hole In One! 10/3/19 DMCC 5th hole, par 3, 168 yards w/ 4-Iron.

20 June 2017, 08:14 AM	#10
cop414 TRF Moderator & 2024 DATE-JUST41 Patron Join Date: Apr 2012 Real Name: Tim Location: Pennsylvania Watch: 14060M Posts: 71,824	Good one Peter! __________________ Rolex Submariner 14060M Omega Seamaster 2254.50 DOXA Professional 1200T Card carrying member of TRF's Global Association of Retro-Grouch-Curmudgeons TRF's "After Dark" Bar & NightClub Patron P Club Member #17 2 FA ENABLED

20 June 2017, 08:56 AM	#11
Rebel "TRF" Member Join Date: Jul 2008 Real Name: Dr Mark R Nail Location: New Albany Watch: Tudor Sub 75090 Posts: 8,055	Cute. __________________ ------------------------------- Member of the Nylon Nation

20 June 2017, 02:02 PM	#12
Al1969 2024 Pledge Member Join Date: May 2008 Location: New Jersey Posts: 6,601	__________________ WG SUB-116719 GMT MASTER II 126719

21 June 2017, 03:10 AM	#13
Cobain "TRF" Member Join Date: Sep 2016 Real Name: Michael Location: USA Posts: 440	Bill Burr has a great bit about face lifts

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