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Old 23 April 2024, 03:12 AM   #1
nyctoytimer
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The Quotes of Steven Wright:

1 - I'd kill for a Nobel Peace Prize.
2 - Borrow money from pessimists -- they don't expect it back.
3 - Half the people you know are below average.
4 - 99% of lawyers give the rest a bad name.
5 - 82.7% of all statistics are made up on the spot.
6 - A conscience is what hurts when all your other parts feel so good.
7 - A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
8 - If you want the rainbow, you got to put up with the rain.
9 - All those who believe in psycho kinesis, raise my hand.
10 - The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.
11 - I almost had a psychic girlfriend, ..... But she left me before we met.
12 - OK, so what's the speed of dark?
13 - How do you tell when you're out of invisible ink?
14 - If everythng seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something.
15 - Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.
16 - When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.
17 - Ambition is a poor excuse for not having enough sense to be lazy.
18 - Hard work pays off in the future; laziness pays off now.
19 - I intend to live forever ... So far, so good.
20 - If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?
21 - Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.
22 - What happens if you get scard half to death twice?
23 - My mechanic told me, "I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder."
24 - Why do psychics have to ask you for your name
25 - If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.
26 - A conclusion is the place where you got tired of thinking.
27 - Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.
28 - The hardness of the butter is proportional to the softness of the bread.
29 - To steal ideas from one person is plagiarsm; to steal from many is research.
30 - The problem with the gene pool is that there is no lifeguard.
31 - The sooner you fall behind, the more time you'll have to catch up.
32 - The colder the x-ray table, the more of your body is required to be on it.
33 - Everyone has a photographic memory; some just don't have film.
34 - If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you.
35 - If your car could travel at the speed of light, would your headlights work?
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Old 12 May 2024, 07:00 AM   #2
Maxtor
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Great quotes. He is fantastic.
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Old 14 May 2024, 11:47 AM   #3
carwash66
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Good ones. Loved his deadpan delivery.
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Old 16 May 2024, 06:29 AM   #4
ltmgeller
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Old 19 May 2024, 10:14 AM   #5
racerx
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Curiosity killed the cat, but for a while I was a suspect.
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Old 19 May 2024, 10:50 AM   #6
Andad
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That kicked off my Sunday.
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Old 20 May 2024, 05:35 AM   #7
miamiclay
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“I may not be much, but I’m all I think about”

S. Wright
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Old 24 May 2024, 11:54 PM   #8
m j b
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I saw him recently on a late-night talk show, pushing a book I think. He's all shaggy now with a big beard and looks like a kook, but he hasn't lost his unique attitude and presentation. Just more mature, I guess.
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Old 3 June 2024, 04:20 AM   #9
RandallBoris
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His quotes are too smart for us.
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