The Rolex Forums   The Rolex Watch

ROLEXROLEXROLEXROLEXROLEXROLEXROLEXROLEXROLEXROLEXROLEXROLEX


Go Back   Rolex Forums - Rolex Watch Forum > General Topics > Jokes & Cartoons

Reply
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
Old 20 December 2017, 02:07 AM   #1
hsfrank
"TRF" Member
 
hsfrank's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2009
Real Name: Herbert Frank
Location: Middletown,De
Watch: President
Posts: 1,641
Henny Youngman One Liners and Murphy’s 15 laws

Went out last night and got really wasted. I woke up in the middle of the night next to some chick who was snoring
and farting, so I knew I made it home OK!


The wife is back on the warpath again. She was up for making a sex movie last night, and all I did was suggest we
should hold auditions for her part.

My sister-in-law sat on my glasses and broke them. It was my own fault. I should have taken them off.

I spent a couple of hours defrosting the fridge last night, or "foreplay" as she likes to call it.

After both suffering from depression for a while, the wife and I decided to commit suicide. But strangely enough,
once she killed herself, I started to feel a lot better. So I thought, “F##k it!”

I woke up this morning at 8, and could smell something was wrong. I got downstairs and found the wife face down on the
kitchen floor, not breathing! I panicked. I didn’t know what to do. Then I remembered McDonald’s serves breakfast until 11:30.


The other night, my wife asked me how many women I'd slept with. I told her, "Only you. All the others kept me awake all night!"


I've just installed strobe lights in the bedroom. It makes the wife look like she's moving during sex.


My missus packed my bags, and as I walked out the front door, she screamed, "I wish you a slow and
painful death, you bastard!" "Oh," I replied, "so now you want me to stay?"
Murphy's other 15 laws
1. Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.

2. A fine is a tax for doing wrong. A tax is a fine for doing well.

3. He who laughs last, thinks slowest.

4. A day without sunshine is like, well, night.

5. Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.

6. Those who live by the sword get shot by those who don't.

7. Nothing is foolproof to a sufficiently talented fool.

8. The 50-50-90 rule: Anytime you have a 50-50 chance of getting something right, there's a 90% probability you'll get it wrong.

9. It is said that if you line up all the cars in the world end-to-end, someone from California would be stupid enough to try to pass them.

10. If the shoe fits, get another one just like it.

11. The things that come to those who wait, may be the things left by those who got there first.

12. Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach a man to fish and he will sit in a boat all day drinking beer.

13. Flashlight: A case for holding dead batteries.

14. God gave you toes as a device for finding furniture in the dark.

15. When you go into court, you are putting yourself in the hands of twelve people, who weren't smart enough to get out of jury duty.
__________________
__________________

Time and Tide wait for no man

Rolex Cellini 4133
Tudor North Flag

HERS:
Rolex TTDJ
hsfrank is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 20 December 2017, 02:47 AM   #2
MonBK
Banned
 
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: Kingstown
Posts: 58,281
Hahaha...:)
MonBK is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 20 December 2017, 03:25 AM   #3
Tony64
"TRF" Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: U.S.A.
Posts: 2,796
These are great Herbert, thanks for sharing. Made my day!



Tony64 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 20 December 2017, 09:36 AM   #4
Bluside
2024 Pledge Member
 
Bluside's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2015
Location: Florida
Posts: 3,054
Very good....
Bluside is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 20 December 2017, 10:53 AM   #5
rootbeer7
"TRF" Member
 
rootbeer7's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2014
Location: london
Posts: 5,934
Brilliant
__________________
@imrootbeer7
rootbeer7 is online now   Reply With Quote
Old 20 December 2017, 11:24 AM   #6
Chewbacca
Banned
 
Join Date: May 2012
Real Name: CJ
Location: Kashyyyk
Watch: Kessel Run Chrono
Posts: 21,113
Chewbacca is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 20 December 2017, 12:33 PM   #7
GradyPhilpott
2024 Pledge Member
 
GradyPhilpott's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: New Mexico
Watch: Tudor Big Rose
Posts: 34,329
__________________
JJ

Inaugural TRF $50 Watch Challenge Winner
GradyPhilpott is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 20 December 2017, 09:51 PM   #8
KenNethcole
"TRF" Member
 
Join Date: Jun 2014
Location: Socal
Posts: 860
KenNethcole is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 21 December 2017, 12:33 PM   #9
Hairdude1
"TRF" Member
 
Hairdude1's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2012
Real Name: Alex
Location: Chicago
Watch: AP,PP, Rolex
Posts: 37,156
__________________
Instagram: @Hairdude
Watches in Collection 5070R, 5522A, 214270 MK1, 228238

16750, 26401, 5711, 116718, 116710LN, 116300, 16710"Coke", 372, 15300, 15703 (All Flipped)
Official Member "Perpetual 30" Las Vegas GTG 2016
Official Member "WIS-CON" Las Vegas International GTG 2017
Official Member 'WIS-CON' Las Vegas Int'l GTG 2018
Hairdude1 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 22 December 2017, 08:12 PM   #10
CPRWATCH
"TRF" Member
 
CPRWATCH's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2016
Real Name: Paul
Location: Chester UK
Watch: Rolex GMT Master
Posts: 4,589
Chuckled so loudly I was asked to leave the library , Some of the best jokes & one liners I have read in years .
CPRWATCH is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 22 December 2017, 08:24 PM   #11
Andad
2024 Pledge Member
 
Andad's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2006
Real Name: Eddie
Location: Australia
Watch: A few.
Posts: 36,695
Good work.
__________________
E

Andad is online now   Reply With Quote
Old 25 December 2017, 06:51 AM   #12
BNA/LION
2024 Pledge Member
 
BNA/LION's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2011
Real Name: Larry
Location: San Diego, CA
Watch: ROLEX
Posts: 25,123
__________________

✦ 28238 President DD 18K/YG ✦ 16610LN SS Sub ✦ 16613 18K/SS Serti ✦ 16550 Exp II Non-Rail Cream Dial ✦ Daytona C 116500 ✦ 126710 BLRO GMT-Master II ✦ NEXT-->?
Hole In One! 10/3/19 DMCC 5th hole, par 3, 168 yards w/ 4-Iron.
BNA/LION is offline   Reply With Quote
Reply


Currently Active Users Viewing This Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
 
Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off

Forum Jump

Takuya Watches

Bobs Watches

My Watch LLC

OCWatches

DavidSW Watches

Coronet


*Banners Of The Month*
This space is provided to horological resources.





Copyright ©2004-2024, The Rolex Forums. All Rights Reserved.

ROLEXROLEXROLEXROLEXROLEXROLEXROLEXROLEXROLEXROLEXROLEXROLEX

Rolex is a registered trademark of ROLEX USA. The Rolex Forums is not affiliated with ROLEX USA in any way.