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7 July 2017, 05:20 PM | #1 |
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Grand farting.
UNDER INTERNATIONAL RULES OF FARTING
TO BE HELD AT THE EAST GERMAN FARTING STADIUM FART OFF: 19:30 Hours FINAL FART: 21:00 Hours Referees: 1 Former Farting Champion (all classes) of Egypt and the Lebanon. 2 Wet Fart Champion of the United Kingdom and the Isle of Man. Chairman: Peter Pempslider - Who still holds the World Record Duration Fart for 9 seconds Unbeaten after training on Pernod, Duck Eggs,baked beans,broccoli,Guinness and Mushy Peas). (Mind-blowing and ars# blowing training program).And this program assures the added bonus,of a certain piquancy ensuing multiple farts. RULES: When called each competitor will step forward onto the raised platform and must lower his trousers, on the platform and not before. He will grip the Farting Post: Any grip is permitted, one hand or two. At a given signal from the referee, the competitor will commence to fart. A SHIT, OR BACKFIRE AND FOLLOW THOUGH, IS IMMEDIATELY DISQUALIFIED! GRADING: Dry farts, long tarts, wet farts, short farts, alternating long and short farts, rip raps,farts with bubbles, blobs and squeaks. The Judge will take into consideration quality of all farts strength, odour, posture of competitor, and grip used, Cushion dusters, blanket rippers and thunder claps are admissible. Echo chambers will NOT be allowed. After the final fart a demonstration will be given by the World Champion Farter, also a runner up who came within one second of the 1991 World Championship but was disqualified for SHITTING. The Thunder Box Farting Formation Team will then give a display of Formation Farting. The audience are requested not to fart during the competition as this upsets the Judge. The drinking of alcohol and the eating of peanuts is not permitted during the contest as this causes the ars# to quiver, which distorts the farts, giving a false sound. By Competition organiser. R.Sole.C.A.H. .
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7 July 2017, 11:35 PM | #2 |
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And for you Scientific types, there is a measure of the intensity of farts. It's called " Flaton ". invented by my cousin, a doctor it is defined as: the amount of force necessary to move 1 square cm of single sheet toilet paper weighing 1 g a distance of 1 cm.
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8 July 2017, 12:20 AM | #3 |
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9 July 2017, 10:23 AM | #4 |
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9 July 2017, 10:27 AM | #5 |
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