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Old 8 January 2020, 02:42 AM   #1
mountainjogger
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Let's hear your 2 line jokes.

Ok. Here's the rules.

1. Two lines - short and sweet.

2. It's got to be funny.

3. Must fit within the forum rules.

I'll start...

My grandpa started walking 5 miles a day when he was 60. He's now 97 and we have no idea where the heck he is.
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Old 8 January 2020, 03:15 AM   #2
BigBoy17
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What time does Sean Connery show up to Wimbledon?
Tennish
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Old 8 January 2020, 03:22 AM   #3
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What do you call a guy with not arms and no legs on your door step? Mat

Floating in the lake? Bob

Hanging on your wall? Art

Floating in the ocean? Skip

Laying in a pile of leaves? Russel




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Old 8 January 2020, 03:25 AM   #4
swils8610
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Women...you canít live them. Pass the beer nuts.

By Norm Peterson from Cheers


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Old 8 January 2020, 03:30 AM   #5
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Quote:
Originally Posted by swils8610 View Post
What do you call a guy with not arms and no legs on your door step? Mat

Floating in the lake? Bob

Hanging on your wall? Art

Floating in the ocean? Skip

Laying in a pile of leaves? Russel
What do you call a dog w no legs?

It donít matter, he ainít coming.
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Old 8 January 2020, 03:31 AM   #6
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Quote:
Originally Posted by swils8610 View Post
What do you call a guy with not arms and no legs on your door step? Mat

Floating in the lake? Bob

Hanging on your wall? Art

Floating in the ocean? Skip

Laying in a pile of leaves? Russel

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A few more...

Two guys hanging above a window: Curt & Rod

Guy and a Girl on a BBQ Grill: Frank and Patty

Girl in a Cash Register: Penny

Two guys on the floor smelling bad: Ralph & Chuck

Where you do find a guy with no arms and no legs? Right where you left him.
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Old 8 January 2020, 03:51 AM   #7
CRM114
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Tri-Tip View Post
A few more...

Two guys hanging above a window: Curt & Rod

Guy and a Girl on a BBQ Grill: Frank and Patty

Girl in a Cash Register: Penny

Two guys on the floor smelling bad: Ralph & Chuck

Where you do find a guy with no arms and no legs? Right where you left him.
A girl with one leg shorter than the other? Eileen
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Old 8 January 2020, 04:03 AM   #8
Kyle3130
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Quote:
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What do you call a dog w no legs?

It donít matter, he ainít coming.
Rollie
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Old 8 January 2020, 04:04 AM   #9
MSchu
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well... well.

Two holes in the ground.
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Old 8 January 2020, 04:06 AM   #10
Randy63
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Icon1

Neutron walks into a bar and orders a drink.

Bartender says no charge for you.




Randy
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Old 8 January 2020, 10:23 AM   #11
Beo3
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What did the blind man say as he walked by the fishstore?

Good morning ladies.
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Old 8 January 2020, 02:13 PM   #12
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Why did the spider cross the street?

To get to the next website.
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Old 8 January 2020, 02:27 PM   #13
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What do you call a deer with no eyes?

No idea
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Old 8 January 2020, 02:28 PM   #14
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Quote:
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....
Ha. I almost got banned for that one.
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Old 9 January 2020, 12:01 AM   #15
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My wife and I decided we didn't want any children...we're going to tell them in the morning.
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Old 9 January 2020, 12:15 AM   #16
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What was Jack the Rippers dog called?

Jack the Russell .....


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Old 9 January 2020, 12:16 AM   #17
Swiss Mad!
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Quote:
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What do you call a deer with no eyes?



No idea


What do you call a deer with no eyes & no legs?

Still no idea....


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Old 9 January 2020, 12:20 AM   #18
Swiss Mad!
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Why do farts smell?

So the deaf can enjoy them too...


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Old 9 January 2020, 12:28 AM   #19
Swiss Mad!
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Let's hear your 2 line jokes.

2 snowmen talking....one says ďcan you smell carrotsĒ ?


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Old 9 January 2020, 12:30 AM   #20
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I used to be a werewolf.....but Iím alright nowooooooooooiiiiiii


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Old 9 January 2020, 12:32 AM   #21
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Why has a milking stool only got 3 legs?

Ďcos the cows got the udder


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Old 9 January 2020, 01:05 AM   #22
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Where does the Policeman live?

999 Letsby Avenue


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Old 9 January 2020, 01:32 AM   #23
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I threw a boomerang a few years ago.
I now live in constant fear.


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Old 9 January 2020, 03:00 AM   #24
subtona
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I threw a boomerang a few years ago.
I now live in constant fear.


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Old 9 January 2020, 03:12 AM   #25
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A man goes to the zoo and the only animal there is one dog.

It is a shitzhu.
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Old 9 January 2020, 06:22 AM   #26
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Why do a pack of birds follow a single bird?

Heís the one with the map.
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Old 9 January 2020, 06:25 AM   #27
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How many psychologists does it take to change a light bulb?

Only one but the light bulb needs to want to change on its own.
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Old 9 January 2020, 06:57 AM   #28
subtona
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How many chiropractors does it take to change a lightbulb?


Just one but it takes 9 visits.
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Old 9 January 2020, 06:58 AM   #29
davincifinejewelry
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What do you call a cow laying on the ground?

Ground beef
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Old 9 January 2020, 07:01 AM   #30
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How many chiropractors does it take to change a lightbulb?


Just one but it takes 9 visits.
LOL too relate-able
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