Redneck house alarm

[figbo]

[MrCowboy99]

ok.. now you did it!!!

You get pics of my son....

[MrCowboy99]

pics of my dog....

[MrCowboy99]

pics of my pools....

[MrCowboy99]

pics of my camper.

[MrCowboy99]

pics of my boats.

[MrCowboy99]

and last but not least... my high rise and me playing horseshoes out back... enjoy!

[MrCowboy99]

oh yes.. heres the car alarm, the cowwash, and the wind chimes I've got. oh..and a picture of me at work painting the streets!

[figbo]

You forgot the luxury cruise liner.

[JJ Irani]

[Latrodectus]

Y'all have it all

[eric23]

[Greenring]

While we're Rednecking....

[figbo]

Don't forget the motorhome

[MrCowboy99]

.Dont forget the redneck cop with radar, the port a potties, the special forces team - redneck style, or the redneck christmas tree.

[JF23]

Redneck Wedding Cake

[Rolexitis]

[MrCowboy99]

1. You think "loading the dishwasher" means getting your wife drunk.

2. You ever cut your grass and found a car.

3. You own a home that is mobile and 5 cars that aren't.

4. You think the stock market has a fence around it.

5. Your stereo speakers used to belong to the Drive-in Theater.

6. Your boat has not left the drive-way in 15 years.

7. You own a homemade fur coat.

8. Chiggers are included on your list of top 5 hygiene concerns.

9. You burn your yard rather than mow it.

10. Your wife has ever said, "Come move this transmission so I can take a bath"

11. You read the Auto Trader with a highlight pen.

12. The Salvation Army declines your mattress.

13. You've ever raked leaves in your kitchen.

14. Birds are attracted to your beard.

15. Your wife's job requires her to wear an orange vest.

16. You were shooting pool when any of your kids were born.

17. You have the local taxidermist's number on speed dial.

18. You've ever hit a deer with your car...deliberately.

19. Your school fight song was "Dueling Banjos"

20. You think a chain saw is a musical instrument.

21. You've ever given rat traps as gifts.

22. You clean your fingernails with a stick.

23. Your coffee table used to be a cable spool.

24. You keep a can of RAID on the kitchen table.

25. Your wife can climb a tree faster than your cat.

26. Your mother has "ammo" on her Christmas list.

27. Every socket in your house breaks a fire code.

28. You've totaled every car you've ever owned.

29. There are more than five McDonald's bags in your car.

30. The Home Shopping operator recognizes your voice.

31. There has ever been crime-scene tape on your bathroom door.

32. You've ever been kicked out of the zoo for heckling the monkeys.

33. The taillight covers of your car are made of red tape.

34. You think a subdivision is part of a math problem.

35. You've ever bathed with flea and tick soap.

36. You think "taking out the trash" means taking your in-laws to a movie.

37. You have every episode of Hee-Haw on tape.

38. You've ever been involved in a custody fight over a hunting dog.

39. You’re considered an expert on worm beds.

40. Your kids take a siphon hose to "Show and Tell"

41. The dog catcher calls for a backup unit when visiting your house.

42. You've ever bought a used cap.

43. Your CB antenna is a danger to low-flying planes.

44. You pick your teeth….. from a catalog.

45. You've ever financed a tattoo.

46. You've ever stolen toilet paper.

47. You think a hot tub is a stolen bathroom fixture.

48. People hear your car a long time before they see it.

49. The gas pedal on your car is shaped like a bare foot.

50. You prefer car keys to Q-tips.

[MrCowboy99]

51. You take a fishing pole into Sea World.

52. You think a turtleneck is key ingredient for soup.

53. You've ever stood in line to have your picture taken with a freak of nature.

54. You think the French Riviera is foreign car.

55. You go to a stock car race and don't need a program.

56. You've ever filled your deer tag on the golf course.

57. You have ever used lard in bed.

58. You own more than 3 shirts with cut off sleeves.

59. You have ever spray-painted your girlfriends name on an overpass.

60. Your lifetime goal is to own a fireworks stand.

61. Someone asks to see your ID and you show them your belt buckle.

62. The primary color of your car is Bondo.

63. Directions to your house include "Turn off the paved road" 64. Your dog and your wallet are both on a chain.

65. You owe the taxidermist more than your annual income.

66. You ever lost a tooth opening a beer bottle.

67. Jack Daniels makes you list of most admired people.

68. Your wife's hairdo has ever been ruined by a ceiling fan.

69. You see no need to stop at a rest stop 'cause you have an empty milk jug.

70. You consider the fifth grade your senior year.

71. You have a rag for a gas cap (on a car that doesn’t run).

72. The dog can't watch you eat without gagging.

73. You have a hefty bag where the window of your car should be.

74. You have ever bar-b-qued Spam on the grill.

75. Your brother-in-law is also your uncle.

76. Redman Chewing Tobacco sends you a Christmas card.

77. You bought a VCR because wrestling comes on while you're at work.

78. Your dad walks you to school because you're in the same grade.

79. You view the next family reunion as a chance to meet girls.

80. Your wife has a beer belly and you find it attractive.

81. Your front porch collapses and kills more than five dogs.

82. The main course at potluck dinners is road kill.

83. Your other truck is made by John Deere.

84. You think suspenders are a type of shirt.

85. Going to the bathroom at night involves shoes and a flashlight.

86. You keep a spit cup on the ironing board.

87. You ever got too drunk to fish.

88. More than one living relative is named after a civil war general.

89. Your home has more miles on it than your car.

90. You think that potted meat on a saltine is an hors d'ouerve.

91. There is a stuffed possum anywhere in your house.

92. You consider a six-pack and a bug-zapper high-quality entertainment.

93. Fewer than half of your cars run.

94. Your mother doesn't remove the Marlboro from her lips before telling the State Trooper to kiss her ass.

95. You honestly think that women are turned on by animal noises and seductive tongue gestures.

96. You stand under the mistletoe at Christmas and wait for Granny and cousin Bobby-Sue to walk by.

97. Your family tree doesn't have any branches.

98. Your mother has been involved in a fistfight at a high school sports event.

99. The best way to keep things cold is to leave'em in the shade.

100. The neighbors started a petition over your Christmas lights.

[MrCowboy99]

... and the best one is......


Your idea of talking during sex is "Ain't no cars coming, baby!"

[alohanakoni]

i though i know rednecks. thanks figbo and mrcowboy99.....you have shed the light for me!

[figbo]

Don't forget the Christmas tree

[figbo]

And the birthday cake

[frostie]

[swatty]

I think I lead a sheltered life

[oneillba]

keep em coming.

[figbo]

[redshirt1957]

I read this whole thread twice and still could not find the jokes?

[Tony-GB]

Originally Posted by redshirt1957

I read this whole thread twice and still could not find the jokes?

[Tony-GB]

This thread is superb!