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Old 24 December 2019, 01:20 PM   #1
GradyPhilpott
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Knowledge for the New Year!

I find it ironic that the colors red, white, and blue stand for freedom, until they're flashing behind you.

Today a man knocked on my door and asked for a small donation towards the local swimming pool, so I gave him a glass of water.

I changed my password to "incorrect" so whenever I forget it the computer will say, "Your password is incorrect."

Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.

I'm great at multi-tasking--I can waste time, be unproductive, and procrastinate all at once.

Take my advice — I'm not using it.

My wife and I were happy for twenty five years; then we met.

I hate it when people use big words just to make themselves sound perspicacious.

Hospitality is the art of making guests feel like they're at home when you wish they were.

Every time someone comes up with a foolproof solution, along comes a more-talented fool.

If I had a dollar for every girl that found me unattractive, I'd eventually be attractive.

Behind every great man is a woman rolling her eyes.

If you keep both feet firmly planted on the ground, you'll have trouble putting on your pants.

A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing.

When I married Miss Right, I had no idea her first name was Always.

My wife got 8 out of 10 on her driver's test--the other two guys managed to jump out of her way.

There may be no excuse for laziness, but I'm still looking.

Women spend more time wondering what men are thinking than men spend thinking.

Give me ambiguity or give me something else.

Is it wrong that only one company makes the game Monopoly?

Women sometimes make fools of men, but most guys are the do-it-yourself type.

I was going to give him a nasty look, but he already had one.

Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.

The grass may be greener on the other side but at least you don't have to mow it.

If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you.

Sometimes I wake up grumpy; other times I let her sleep.

If tomatoes are technically a fruit, does that make ketchup a smoothie?

Money is the root of all wealth.

No matter how much you push the envelope, it'll still be stationery.
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Old 25 December 2019, 03:26 AM   #2
214270Explorer
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That is great, Grady! Thanks!
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The display of actual intelligence terrifies much of mankind

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Old 27 December 2019, 04:33 AM   #3
martinjames192
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Wow....How did you get all these...Nice

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Old 28 December 2019, 02:44 PM   #4
GradyPhilpott
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Quote:
Originally Posted by 214270Explorer View Post
That is great, Grady! Thanks!
My pleasure.

Quote:
Originally Posted by martinjames192 View Post
Wow....How did you get all these...Nice

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A guy I used to know, who still spams me with the craziest stuff, sent this gem to me and I thought I'd share it.
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Old 30 December 2019, 12:52 AM   #5
dnpina
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I enjoyed those. Thanks

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Old 30 December 2019, 11:05 AM   #6
THC
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Wonderful G
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Old 30 December 2019, 11:37 AM   #7
Nikrnic
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Old 1 January 2020, 12:13 AM   #8
Eric-London
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Fantastic thanks :)
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