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Old 5 August 2018, 05:39 AM   #1
JohnBaker3
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A Rancher's Tale of Woe

A rancher named Bud was overseeing his herd in a remote mountainous pasture in Montana when suddenly a brand-new 2018 BMW advanced toward him out of a cloud of dust. The driver, a young man named Cliff, in a Brioni® suit, Gucci® shoes, RayBan® sunglasses and YSL® tie, leaned out the window and said to the cowboy, "If I tell you exactly how many cows and calves you have in your herd, will you give me a calf?"

Bud looks at the man, then looks at his peacefully grazing herd and calmly answers, "Sure, why not?"

The guy parks his car, whips out his Dell® notebook computer, connects it to his Apple iPhone, and surfs to a NASA page on the Internet, where he calls up a GPS satellite to get an exact fix on his location. He then feeds to another NASA satellite that scans the area in an ultra-high resolution photo.

The man then opens the digital photo in Adobe Photoshop® and exports it to an image processing facility in Hamburg, Germany.

Within seconds, he receives an email on his Apple iPad® that the image has been processed and the data stored. He then accesses an MS-SQL® database through an ODBC connected Excel® spreadsheet with email on his Galaxy S5® and, after a few minutes, receives a response.

Finally, he prints out a full-color, 150-page report on his hi-tech, miniaturized HP LaserJet® printer, turns to the cowboy and says, "You have exactly 1,586 cows and calves."

"That's right. Well, I guess you can take one of my calves," says Bud.

He watches the young man select one of the animals and looks on with amusement as the man stuffs it into the trunk of his car.

Then Bud says to the young man, "Hey, if I can tell you exactly what your business is, will you give me back my calf?"

The young man thinks about it for a second and says, "Okay, why not?"

"You're a Congressman for the U.S. Government", says Bud.

"Wow! That's correct," says the yuppie, “but how did you know that?"

"No guessing required." answered the cowboy. "You showed up here even though nobody called you; you want to get paid for an answer I already knew, to a question I never asked. You used millions of dollars worth of equipment trying to show me how much smarter than me you are; and you don't know sh*t about how working people make a living - nor anything at all about cows, for that matter. This is a herd of sheep!”

“Now give me back my dog!”

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Old 5 August 2018, 10:20 AM   #2
cop414
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Old 6 August 2018, 01:54 AM   #3
Floorguy
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That was freakin hilarious!! Made my beer come out of my nose!!
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Old 7 August 2018, 12:56 PM   #4
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Old 8 August 2018, 09:36 AM   #5
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Old 10 August 2018, 10:14 AM   #6
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