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Old 4 December 2017, 09:44 AM   #1
Eklipz
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Cowboy

On a hot, dusty day a cowboy rode into a small frontier town. After dismounting, he walked behind his horse, lifted it's tail and kissed it where the sun don't shine. An old man rocking by the general store witnessed the whole thing. "Whudd'ya do that fer?" he asked. "Got chapped lips," the cowboy replied. The old man asked, "Does that help?" The cowboy said, "Nope, but it keeps me from lickin' 'em."
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Old 4 December 2017, 09:45 AM   #2
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Book Report

Students at a local school were assigned to read 2 books, 'Titanic' and 'My Life' by Bill Clinton....
One student turned in the following book report, with the proposition that they were nearly identical stories!
..
His cool professor gave him an A+ for this report.

Titanic: Cost - $29.99
Clinton : Cost - $29.99
Titanic: Over 3 hours to read
Clinton : Over 3 hours to read
Titanic: The story of Jack and Rose, their forbidden love, and subsequent catastrophe.
Clinton : The story of Bill and Monica, their forbidden love, and subsequent catastrophe.
Titanic: Jack is a starving artist.
Clinton : Bill is a bullshit artist.
Titanic: In one scene, Jack enjoys a good cigar.
Clinton : Ditto for Bill
Titanic: During the ordeal, Rose's dress gets ruined
Clinton : Ditto for Monica.
Titanic: Jack teaches Rose to spit.
Clinton : Let's not go there.
Titanic: Rose gets to keep her jewelry
Clinton : Monica is forced to return her gifts.
Titanic: Rose remembers Jack for the rest of her life.
Clinton : Clinton doesn't remember anything..
Titanic: Rose goes down on a vessel full of seamen.
Clinton : Monica.. Ooh, let's not go there, either.
Titanic: Jack surrenders to an icy death.

Clinton : Bill goes home to Hillary - basically the same thing
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Old 4 December 2017, 09:56 AM   #3
Eklipz
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The Origin of Yodeling

Have you ever wondered where and how yodeling began?
Many years ago a man was traveling through the mountains of
Switzerland

Nightfall was rapidly approaching and he had nowhere to sleep He went up to
a farmhouse and asked the farmer if he could spend the night. !

The farmer told him that he could sleep in the barn. As the story goes, the farmer's daughter asked her father, 'Who is that man
going into the barn?'

'That fellow traveling through,' said the farmer. 'needs a place to stay for
the night, so, I told him he could sleep in the barn.'
The daughter said, 'Perhaps he is hungry.' So she prepared him a plate of
food for him and then took it out to the barn

About an hour later, the daughter returned. Her clothing disheveled and straw
in her hair. Straight up to bed she went.
The farmer's wife was very observant. She then suggested that perhaps the man
was thirsty. So she fetched a bottle of wine, took it out to the barn,! And
she too did not return for an hour. Her clothing was askew, her blouse
buttoned incorrectly. She also headed straight to bed.

The next morning at sunrise the man in the barn got up and continued on his
journey, waving to the farmer as he left.
When the daughter awoke and learned that the visitor was gone, she broke into
tears. 'How could he leave without even saying goodbye,' she cried. 'We made
such passionate love last night!
'What?' shouted the father as he angrily ran out of the house looking for the
man, who by now was halfway up the mountain.

The farmer screamed up at him, 'I'm going to get you! You had sex with my
​daughter!'

The man looked back down from the mountainside, cupped his hand next to his mouth, and yelled out..


'LAIDTHEOLADEETOO'













.
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Old 5 December 2017, 09:49 PM   #4
cop414
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Old 5 December 2017, 09:55 PM   #5
MonBK
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Haha...:)
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Old 5 December 2017, 10:44 PM   #6
flawatch
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Ha!
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Old 7 December 2017, 09:57 AM   #7
Eklipz
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Wesley

made a mistake

Last edited by Eklipz; 7 December 2017 at 10:04 AM.. Reason: made a mistake
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Old 8 December 2017, 11:26 AM   #8
Hairdude1
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Old 20 December 2017, 03:45 AM   #9
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Ha ! :)
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