Ahem... As requested, more about my dating life...

[TheVTCGuy]

My last thread, I had a lot of TRFers looking for an update... seems... well, it seems some of you find it ... Entertaining, get a good laugh out of my.... Unique experiences. Everything from the: "Wash my watch" thread, to the: "You're HOW OLD!?" thread... to the... well, most of the regulars will get the pictue. I was inundated with requests for anoher story (by the way, NONE of my stories is fiction, as hard as it is to belive, they are ALL true... I wonder what that says about me.... ). Anyway, with a promotion I got at work a couple months ago I haven't been seeing anyone lately, but... that doesn't stop me from always looking for a future Ex-wife, so here is the latest.

Does anyone watch the show: "Addicted to Rehab?" It's on the DIY network and stars Nicole Curtis. A young, very beautiful single-mom that buys old houses, rehabs them, then re-sells. She is very cute, but more importantly, very .... not sure of the word, ... Spunky? She's got a lot of energy, determination, passion about her job, she's mature yet fun, a good mom, has a lot of qualities I'm attracted to in a woman. Yeah yeah, I know, I'm hearing you guys right now, SHE'S ON TELEVISION YOU IDIOT!!!! This is not someone you ever met! I understand, I'm a very rational person and don't consider this anythig more then it is, but hey! I can fantisize can't I? The biggest thing that I liked about her was she is NOT an actor, I got the sense she is very down to earth, one thing I really like! So, what the heck, I thought I'd write her a fan letter.

Silly me, wrote a realy letter-letter, you know, on paper? Then I E-mailed the show on the DIY network asking if there was a P.O. Box or some studio address I could (postal) mail it to, no luck. They suggested I contact her on facebook, which I did. She friended me and I sent a PM, asking for a P.O. Box, or business address or any place I could mail a fan letter. I understand with all the stalkers and weirdos out there, she probably get's fanatics asking for her address, that's why I was specific about asking for a P.O. box or studio, anything non-threatening. Alas.... No response. Sigh... Anyway I thought about just sending it to the DIY studio, I really don't expect a reply or anything, but thought if she ever did actually read it she'd get a kick out of it.... Anyone got any ideas?

Now, about the letter.... I'm sure she gets fan E-mails from guys hitting on her all the time... so... well, I thought I'd make mine a little differnt. I've been told I have a good sense of humor.... So... just sat down and wrote this up in about 5 minutes; it's still sitting in an envelope ready to mail! I thought you guys might get a kick out of it.



Dear Nicky,

Well, I’m a man of few words, so I’ll just ask up front; will you marry me? Now before you answer, I should explain I’m a pretty darn good catch! I’m middle-aged, divorced, unemployed and live with my parents. I’m currently going to night school and will very soon earn my PHD! Oh… uh… oh wait, no.. that is actually a G-E-D I’m working on… I keep getting those letters mixed up… Well, they both have the same number of vowels so it’s an easy mistake…

Now that I’ve peeked your interest, I’ll tell you a bit more that will entice you even further! I’m sure you’ll want to move in with me right quick! That’s just fine… Mom says there is plenty of room in the trailer. From your show I know you like working on fixin things around the house, well there’s plenty of that to do around here! The darn pigs keep getting loose. I’ve been trying to keep up but the stupid ankle bracelet-transmitter gizmo keeps getting in my way; (darn plea-bargains). Now, I don’t want you to think everything will be perfect from the git go, I have to learn how to properly court a fine woman again, haven’t had a date in five years.. (unless you count my cousin). But don’t you worry, I have been watching a relationship counselor on television EVERY day to learn the proper way a lady should be treated. That man is a genius too! Ever hear of “Jerry Springer?”

By the way, do you, by any chance, have any medical training? It's just that these (court-ordered) psyc-med injections are a real pain... Oh, and I know you like a large family, with those youngins of your own... Well, we got us a bunch hangin around here in the trailer, cousins, uncles... aunts, heck, I think we did start taken in people off the street! Some of them can even speak English!

Oh, did I mention I was from Detroit? (Really am). I graduated from Cranbrook, class of 19 and *%(#( Hmmmm…. Class of 19 and *@(@)#) Well, must be something wrong with my printer… Anyway what’s in a number… Ahem… I lived in Clawson, on 15 mile and Crooks Road. Maybe we were childhood sweethearts!? Oh, and don’t you worry about your show, I’m one of those modern-kind of guys that don’t mind the woman bringing home the bacon! After we’re married you just keep doing what you’re doing and I’ll stay home… Have your slippers ready for you when you have to make a fast jaunt to the outhouse in the middle of a cold night…. The Trailer Park HOA said we were getting running water soon too! Will be a lot easier then walking to that darn well.... But hey, if you want me to work that’s fine too. I can finally attain my life’s ambition of working on the day shift at the local asbestos factory…

Well, after hearing what I have to offer I’m sure you’re ready to accept my proposal! I’ve told you that I am successful, kind-hearted, inteli- intalignti- intalilig- … smart, and you just can’t wait to get our relationship off and running!

I got to go now… Mom is calling me to dinner, we're having meat tonight! Thank goodness for those critters trying to cross the highway and truckers that can't stop in time... . I is sure I’ll be hearing from ya right soon!

[Dr. Robert]

[STEELINOX]

[AWS]

Nice one!

[Art 1]

[figbo]

Aw,Paul!!

[t e x]

[swatty]

That should work Paul

[Grumpy Badger]

I'm scared! What kind of card are you going to send "Paul the Foal" when he arrives?!

[swatty]

Originally Posted by Grumpy Badger

I'm scared! What kind of card are you going to send "Paul the Foal" arrives?!

[Dr.Brian]

Originally Posted by figbo

Aw,Paul!!

Thanks Raf. I just ate dinner, now I'm nauseated. I was going to change and go to the gym. Now I think I'll just go into the laundry room and wash my eyes out with bleach!

[Route 66]

I can think of only one other man that's as smooth with the ladies as you are Paul and that's Jethro Clampett!

[Saxon007]

LMAO, that oughtta get her interested!

Now for English class:

Now that I’ve peeked your interest...

Change peeked to piqued - we don't want her to think that GED story is a fib!

Raf, did she eat him all at once?

[SkyKing31]

Pmsl

[figbo]

Originally Posted by Saxon007

LMAO, that oughtta get her interested!

Now for English class:



Change peeked to piqued - we don't want her to think that GED story is a fib!

Raf, did she eat him all at once?

There's no words after that,I guess his done with!!

[Bisquitlips]

You didn't even mention that you are a Rolex owner! SHEESH!

You are never gonna get a woman if you don't know the first thing about presentation! Here, let me do it for you...

Hi,
My name is Paul, I am single and I own a Rolex and a hammer!

Done!

[Lion]

Paul, what a stitch...good luck and if it doesn't work out we have a town about ten miles away which is heavily invested by hillbillies!!!

[hdrazor251]

Paul, I bet you'll be married within two weeks of getting that PO box.

[Grumpy Badger]

Originally Posted by hdrazor251

Paul, I bet you'll be married within two weeks of getting that PO box.

But, alas, it will be to his new seven foot cellmate, Bubba!

[hdrazor251]

Originally Posted by Grumpy Badger

But, alas, it will be to his new seven foot cellmate, Bubba!

[wdalew5]

Paul, you forgot to tell her a few other not so important things about yourself: The V in VTC really stands for VOUYERISM.....

Also, did you mention to her that you are permitted to write letters to people as long as your parole officer reads them first.

Also, that you are saving your allowance money to fix the transmission in your ' 76 maverick with just 188,000 miles.

Also, matchmaker.com banning you for Internet stalking was just really a big mis understanding

The list could on forever...:lol

[rustedmetal]

Amy Matthews is currently available as well

[dddrees]

How can she possibly refuse?

Very amusing, thanks for the laugh.

[bewithabob]

in case you want to contact her directly... http://www.spokeo.com/Nicole+Curtis

[Gaijin]

What is more likely is the truth Paul. You ara a cool single fun guy, former Naval Aviator with a great job and you own your own house in San Diego.


You are a catch Dude. Don't forget it. Think positive. There are an abundance of women that would love to have you.

[rfknauss]

Yes Paul ...... I'm certain you will be hearing from her soon!

[wdalew5]

I got an idea....see next post below.

[wdalew5]

Originally Posted by Gaijin

What is more likely is the truth Paul. You ara a cool single fun guy, former Naval Aviator with a great job and you own your own house in San Diego.


You are a catch Dude. Don't forget it. Think positive. There are an abundance of women that would love to have you.

With a resume like that,I am considering dumping my wife and taking you as my next Charlie sheen goddess. you are a woman ? Right!

[Johny]

dear paul that was touching. it would melt the heart of any fair maiden. well done. ps can you post some pics of your trailer.

[mtrunner]