The Rolex Forums   The Rolex Watch

ROLEXROLEXROLEXROLEXROLEXROLEXROLEXROLEXROLEXROLEXROLEXROLEX


Go Back   Rolex Forums - Rolex Watch Forum > General Topics > Jokes & Cartoons

Reply
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
Old 8 January 2020, 02:42 AM   #1
mountainjogger
2024 Pledge Member
 
Join Date: Aug 2010
Real Name: H
Location: North Carolina
Watch: M99230B-0008
Posts: 5,671
Let's hear your 2 line jokes.

Ok. Here's the rules.

1. Two lines - short and sweet.

2. It's got to be funny.

3. Must fit within the forum rules.

I'll start...

My grandpa started walking 5 miles a day when he was 60. He's now 97 and we have no idea where the heck he is.
__________________
The King of Cool.
mountainjogger is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 8 January 2020, 03:15 AM   #2
BigBoy17
"TRF" Member
 
BigBoy17's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2019
Real Name: Nik
Location: NYC
Posts: 1,166
What time does Sean Connery show up to Wimbledon?
Tennish
BigBoy17 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 8 January 2020, 03:22 AM   #3
swils8610
2024 Pledge Member
 
swils8610's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2012
Real Name: shannon
Location: usa
Posts: 8,987
What do you call a guy with not arms and no legs on your door step? Mat

Floating in the lake? Bob

Hanging on your wall? Art

Floating in the ocean? Skip

Laying in a pile of leaves? Russel




Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk Pro
swils8610 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 8 January 2020, 03:25 AM   #4
swils8610
2024 Pledge Member
 
swils8610's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2012
Real Name: shannon
Location: usa
Posts: 8,987
Women...you can’t live them. Pass the beer nuts.

By Norm Peterson from Cheers


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk Pro
swils8610 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 8 January 2020, 03:30 AM   #5
subtona
"TRF" Member
 
subtona's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2011
Real Name: gus
Location: East Coast
Watch: APK & sometimes Y
Posts: 25,958
Quote:
Originally Posted by swils8610 View Post
What do you call a guy with not arms and no legs on your door step? Mat

Floating in the lake? Bob

Hanging on your wall? Art

Floating in the ocean? Skip

Laying in a pile of leaves? Russel
What do you call a dog w no legs?

It don’t matter, he ain’t coming.
__________________
subtona is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 8 January 2020, 03:31 AM   #6
Tri-Tip
"TRF" Member
 
Tri-Tip's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: CA, USA
Watch: Out!!!
Posts: 6,394
Quote:
Originally Posted by swils8610 View Post
What do you call a guy with not arms and no legs on your door step? Mat

Floating in the lake? Bob

Hanging on your wall? Art

Floating in the ocean? Skip

Laying in a pile of leaves? Russel

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk Pro
A few more...

Two guys hanging above a window: Curt & Rod

Guy and a Girl on a BBQ Grill: Frank and Patty

Girl in a Cash Register: Penny

Two guys on the floor smelling bad: Ralph & Chuck

Where you do find a guy with no arms and no legs? Right where you left him.
Tri-Tip is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 8 January 2020, 03:51 AM   #7
CRM114
"TRF" Member
 
Join Date: Sep 2015
Location: HK & USA
Watch: GMTs,1803, 16610LV
Posts: 2,001
Quote:
Originally Posted by Tri-Tip View Post
A few more...

Two guys hanging above a window: Curt & Rod

Guy and a Girl on a BBQ Grill: Frank and Patty

Girl in a Cash Register: Penny

Two guys on the floor smelling bad: Ralph & Chuck

Where you do find a guy with no arms and no legs? Right where you left him.
A girl with one leg shorter than the other? Eileen
CRM114 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 8 January 2020, 04:03 AM   #8
Kyle3130
"TRF" Member
 
Kyle3130's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2013
Real Name: Kyle
Location: Oklahoma
Watch: FXD
Posts: 1,940
Quote:
Originally Posted by subtona View Post
What do you call a dog w no legs?

It don’t matter, he ain’t coming.
Rollie
__________________
Kyle3130 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 8 January 2020, 04:04 AM   #9
MSchu
Banned
 
Join Date: May 2019
Real Name: Schumacher
Location: Las vegas
Posts: 826
well... well.

Two holes in the ground.
MSchu is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 8 January 2020, 04:06 AM   #10
Randy63
"TRF" Member
 
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: Scranton
Watch: 16610
Posts: 996
Icon1

Neutron walks into a bar and orders a drink.

Bartender says no charge for you.




Randy
Randy63 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 8 January 2020, 10:23 AM   #11
Beo3
2024 Pledge Member
 
Beo3's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2014
Real Name: Eddie
Location: NY
Watch: Too Many
Posts: 17,810
What did the blind man say as he walked by the fishstore?

Good morning ladies.
Beo3 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 8 January 2020, 02:13 PM   #12
clock
Banned
 
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: in a house
Posts: 13,510
Why did the spider cross the street?

To get to the next website.
clock is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 8 January 2020, 02:27 PM   #13
clock
Banned
 
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: in a house
Posts: 13,510
What do you call a deer with no eyes?

No idea
clock is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 8 January 2020, 02:28 PM   #14
subtona
"TRF" Member
 
subtona's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2011
Real Name: gus
Location: East Coast
Watch: APK & sometimes Y
Posts: 25,958
Quote:
Originally Posted by Beo3 View Post
....
Ha. I almost got banned for that one.
__________________
subtona is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 9 January 2020, 12:01 AM   #15
keithl
"TRF" Member
 
keithl's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2015
Real Name: Onemoretime
Location: Atlanta
Watch: GMT Master II
Posts: 296
My wife and I decided we didn't want any children...we're going to tell them in the morning.
keithl is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 9 January 2020, 12:15 AM   #16
Swiss Mad!
"TRF" Member
 
Swiss Mad!'s Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2017
Real Name: Max
Location: UK
Watch: Various
Posts: 3,722
What was Jack the Rippers dog called?

Jack the Russell .....


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
__________________

instagram: max.parkin
Swiss Mad! is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 9 January 2020, 12:16 AM   #17
Swiss Mad!
"TRF" Member
 
Swiss Mad!'s Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2017
Real Name: Max
Location: UK
Watch: Various
Posts: 3,722
Quote:
Originally Posted by clock View Post
What do you call a deer with no eyes?



No idea


What do you call a deer with no eyes & no legs?

Still no idea....


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
__________________

instagram: max.parkin
Swiss Mad! is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 9 January 2020, 12:20 AM   #18
Swiss Mad!
"TRF" Member
 
Swiss Mad!'s Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2017
Real Name: Max
Location: UK
Watch: Various
Posts: 3,722
Why do farts smell?

So the deaf can enjoy them too...


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
__________________

instagram: max.parkin
Swiss Mad! is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 9 January 2020, 12:28 AM   #19
Swiss Mad!
"TRF" Member
 
Swiss Mad!'s Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2017
Real Name: Max
Location: UK
Watch: Various
Posts: 3,722
Let's hear your 2 line jokes.

2 snowmen talking....one says “can you smell carrots” ?


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
__________________

instagram: max.parkin
Swiss Mad! is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 9 January 2020, 12:30 AM   #20
Swiss Mad!
"TRF" Member
 
Swiss Mad!'s Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2017
Real Name: Max
Location: UK
Watch: Various
Posts: 3,722
I used to be a werewolf.....but I’m alright nowooooooooooiiiiiii


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
__________________

instagram: max.parkin
Swiss Mad! is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 9 January 2020, 12:32 AM   #21
Swiss Mad!
"TRF" Member
 
Swiss Mad!'s Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2017
Real Name: Max
Location: UK
Watch: Various
Posts: 3,722
Why has a milking stool only got 3 legs?

‘cos the cows got the udder


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
__________________

instagram: max.parkin
Swiss Mad! is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 9 January 2020, 01:05 AM   #22
Swiss Mad!
"TRF" Member
 
Swiss Mad!'s Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2017
Real Name: Max
Location: UK
Watch: Various
Posts: 3,722
Where does the Policeman live?

999 Letsby Avenue


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
__________________

instagram: max.parkin
Swiss Mad! is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 9 January 2020, 01:32 AM   #23
rex311
Banned
 
Join Date: May 2019
Location: USA
Posts: 49
I threw a boomerang a few years ago.
I now live in constant fear.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
rex311 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 9 January 2020, 03:00 AM   #24
subtona
"TRF" Member
 
subtona's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2011
Real Name: gus
Location: East Coast
Watch: APK & sometimes Y
Posts: 25,958
Quote:
Originally Posted by rex311 View Post
I threw a boomerang a few years ago.
I now live in constant fear.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
__________________
subtona is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 9 January 2020, 03:12 AM   #25
SydR
"TRF" Member
 
SydR's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2019
Location: United Kingdom
Posts: 338
A man goes to the zoo and the only animal there is one dog.

It is a shitzhu.
SydR is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 9 January 2020, 06:22 AM   #26
clock
Banned
 
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: in a house
Posts: 13,510
Why do a pack of birds follow a single bird?

He’s the one with the map.
clock is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 9 January 2020, 06:25 AM   #27
clock
Banned
 
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: in a house
Posts: 13,510
How many psychologists does it take to change a light bulb?

Only one but the light bulb needs to want to change on its own.
clock is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 9 January 2020, 06:57 AM   #28
subtona
"TRF" Member
 
subtona's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2011
Real Name: gus
Location: East Coast
Watch: APK & sometimes Y
Posts: 25,958
How many chiropractors does it take to change a lightbulb?


Just one but it takes 9 visits.
__________________
subtona is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 9 January 2020, 06:58 AM   #29
davincifinejewelry
"TRF" Member
 
davincifinejewelry's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2019
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 21
What do you call a cow laying on the ground?

Ground beef
davincifinejewelry is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 9 January 2020, 07:01 AM   #30
davincifinejewelry
"TRF" Member
 
davincifinejewelry's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2019
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 21
Quote:
Originally Posted by subtona View Post
How many chiropractors does it take to change a lightbulb?


Just one but it takes 9 visits.
LOL too relate-able
davincifinejewelry is offline   Reply With Quote
Reply


Currently Active Users Viewing This Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
 
Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off

Forum Jump

Takuya Watches

Bobs Watches

My Watch LLC

OCWatches

DavidSW Watches

Coronet


*Banners Of The Month*
This space is provided to horological resources.





Copyright ©2004-2024, The Rolex Forums. All Rights Reserved.

ROLEXROLEXROLEXROLEXROLEXROLEXROLEXROLEXROLEXROLEXROLEXROLEX

Rolex is a registered trademark of ROLEX USA. The Rolex Forums is not affiliated with ROLEX USA in any way.