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Old 19 January 2017, 11:41 AM   #1
Cerachrom12
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Married men; have you ever been forced to live with your mother in law?!

Unfortunately happened to me. My wife's father passed away and she insisted her mother move in with us! 7 long years later, God has truly blessed me. She is gone. Decided to move to Alabama and live with her sister. I am finally liberated. My house is finally mine again. I am so giddy I really don't know how to handle this. Been a long time friends!
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Old 19 January 2017, 11:43 AM   #2
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Old 19 January 2017, 11:55 AM   #3
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My mom, who is loosing her eyesight moved in with us. It has been very hard for lots of reasons. I wouldn't wish it on anyone. My wife is a saint, and actually is dealing with it better than I. Thank god I travel lots with my work or I'd go nuts. I'm glad you got your home and life back. It's lots of responsibility you don't really want or need. My other siblings are to screwed up to be of any help. Rant off.
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Old 19 January 2017, 11:58 AM   #4
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I turned off that idea when the signs were beginning to show. I said no way.
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Old 19 January 2017, 12:01 PM   #5
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Our family supports parents. Both my wife and I would welcome our elderly parents into our home rather than lock them up in some old folks home to whither and die.

After all your parents did for you (the proverbial you all), how is it that when it's time for you to return the love there isn't anyone home?
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Old 19 January 2017, 12:02 PM   #6
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I turned off that idea when the signs were beginning to show. I said no way.
Unfortunately my wife said deal with it or use the front door. So for 7 miserable years I dealt with it the best I possibly could. Definitely placed a hardship on the marriage.
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Old 19 January 2017, 12:06 PM   #7
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When I was young my Grandmother lived in

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Old 19 January 2017, 12:18 PM   #8
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When I was young my Grandmother lived in

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When I was in high school my grand mother lived with us after grandpa died. She died peacefully in my parents home a few years later.
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Old 19 January 2017, 12:25 PM   #9
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The Mother in-law or your wife moved out?
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Old 19 January 2017, 12:29 PM   #10
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The Mother in-law or your wife moved out?
Mother in law moved out. She decided to go live with her only live sibling, her sister.
I was never thrilled with her living in my house, but dealt with it. Lasted 7 long years.
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Old 19 January 2017, 12:31 PM   #11
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Our family supports parents. Both my wife and I would welcome our elderly parents into our home rather than lock them up in some old folks home to whither and die.

After all your parents did for you (the proverbial you all), how is it that when it's time for you to return the love there isn't anyone home?
They did, but to be completely fair we did not ask to be born, we are God's gift to them, we are their joy, even toys in many ways and their ego-boost, so I don't believe there is an automatic right they hold over you, it is all individual and ofc many relationships are so strained or damn right oppressive that a care home is a vital sanctuary for both sides.
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Old 19 January 2017, 12:36 PM   #12
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My wife's father passed away and she insisted her mother move in with us! 7 long years later, God has truly blessed me. She is gone.
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Originally Posted by Cerachrom12 View Post
Unfortunately my wife said deal with it or use the front door. So for 7 miserable years I dealt with it the best I possibly could. Definitely placed a hardship on the marriage.
Was this turmoil due to personality conflicts with your mother-in-law or her related health issues (if any)?
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Our family supports parents. Both my wife and I would welcome our elderly parents into our home rather than lock them up in some old folks home to whither and die.
The modern-day extended family is making a comeback. Perhaps not to the extent of the Walton clan but in many instances where the living arrangement provides some sense of continuity within the family. Of course affordability, location (and getting along with one another) are key factors.

Some of those assisted-living/rest-home environments strike me as little more than overpriced purgatories for the elderly who aren't quite ready to meet their maker. Despite their advertised activities and social outlets, I would imagine that many of these facilities can actually shorten one's life.
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Old 19 January 2017, 12:36 PM   #13
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They did, but to be completely fair we did not ask to be born, we are God's gift to them, we are their joy, even toys in many ways and their ego-boost, so I don't believe there is an automatic right they hold over you, it is all individual and ofc many relationships are so strained or damn right oppressive that a care home is a vital sanctuary for both sides.
Well said Neil. There are always 2 sides to a story. I could write a memoir that chronicles my life for the last seven years. I feel I have earned a gold watch!
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Old 19 January 2017, 12:42 PM   #14
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Well said Neil. There are always 2 sides to a story. I could write a memoir that chronicles my life for the last seven years. I feel I have earned a gold watch!
In my case, I have one parent who would burn my house to the ground if I did not let them live with me, and one who would burn it down if I did.
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Old 19 January 2017, 12:45 PM   #15
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...but to be completely fair we did not ask to be born, we are God's gift to them, we are their joy, even toys in many ways and their ego-boost, so I don't believe there is an automatic right they hold over you...
Tried this argument decades ago while being reprimanded as a teenager. The concept didn't fly.
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Old 19 January 2017, 12:56 PM   #16
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This thread is too funny.


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Old 19 January 2017, 12:59 PM   #17
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Originally Posted by Abdullah71601 View Post
Our family supports parents. Both my wife and I would welcome our elderly parents into our home rather than lock them up in some old folks home to whither and die.

After all your parents did for you (the proverbial you all), how is it that when it's time for you to return the love there isn't anyone home?
X2! I agree
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Old 19 January 2017, 01:08 PM   #18
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This thread is too funny.


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I somehow knew my unique situation would spark up some dialogue, lol.
FWIW, I would NEVER move in with my daughter and her future husband and impose on their marriage, especially if HE did not want me there. I have definitely learned what NOT to do in the future. My mother in law has given me a different perspective on things.

Last edited by Cerachrom12; 19 January 2017 at 01:14 PM.. Reason: Addendum
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Old 19 January 2017, 01:25 PM   #19
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Our family supports parents. Both my wife and I would welcome our elderly parents into our home rather than lock them up in some old folks home to whither and

After all your parents did for you (the proverbial you all), how is it that when it's time for you to return the love there isn't anyone home?
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Old 19 January 2017, 01:34 PM   #20
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I come from a hispanic culture where taking care of your parents in their old age was a long set custom. My mother's generation was the last that really was expected to do this.

My cousin cared for her mother for the last 10 years of her life and, as much as she loved her mother, was very direct in telling other family members that this way of life was far too difficult in the current times of two working spouses, kids, financial pressures etc...

My mother and her remaining siblings took this to heart and were willing to accept that while they could be close to their kids and involved in the family, the needs of constant care need to be met with additional caregivers. While the kids contribute to this care according to their means they are also able to meet the needs of their own kids.
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Old 19 January 2017, 01:39 PM   #21
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Was this turmoil due to personality conflicts with your mother-in-law or her related health issues (if any)?

The modern-day extended family is making a comeback. Perhaps not to the extent of the Walton clan but in many instances where the living arrangement provides some sense of continuity within the family. Of course affordability, location (and getting along with one another) are key factors.

Some of those assisted-living/rest-home environments strike me as little more than overpriced purgatories for the elderly who aren't quite ready to meet their maker. Despite their advertised activities and social outlets, I would imagine that many of these facilities can actually shorten one's life.
I think these care facilities are the modern equivalent of taking the old ones out to the edge of the glacier and leaving them for the wolves. They allow the family to feel like they are being responsible without requiring the family to invest any effort into their parents.

Our parents are in their 80's and remain independent and active. They aren't ready to be looked after, but when they are, they know they will be looked after by family.
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Old 19 January 2017, 01:45 PM   #22
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Cudos to you, I couldn't do it. My current MIL has too much of an entitlement attitude for me to ever feel comfortable for her to live in my house. Plus the fact that she has ZERO respect for personal property makes it a complete no go on my end. My circumstance is purely limited to her personality, I don't think I have it in my heart to permanently ban all MILs, I just don't have one that's tolerable for a live in situation.
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Old 19 January 2017, 01:45 PM   #23
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Not yet, I could not live with myself to put my mum in a home, unless it was completely necessary.
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Old 19 January 2017, 01:48 PM   #24
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Originally Posted by Abdullah71601 View Post
Our family supports parents. Both my wife and I would welcome our elderly parents into our home rather than lock them up in some old folks home to whither and die.

After all your parents did for you (the proverbial you all), how is it that when it's time for you to return the love there isn't anyone home?
true, but everyones situation is different and not all parents are good parents -- or even fathers or mothers to begin with; things happen in life and boundaries can actually make for better overall relationships.

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Unfortunately happened to me. My wife's father passed away and she insisted her mother move in with us! 7 long years later, God has truly blessed me. She is gone. Decided to move to Alabama and live with her sister. I am finally liberated. My house is finally mine again. I am so giddy I really don't know how to handle this. Been a long time friends!
congrats on your parole!

i'm lucky with parents and in-laws who would never ask to move in because they themselves didn't like their parents living with them when they were young.

so, since we're blessed with being able to afford it, and since they're positive influences on my kids; my wife and i agreed that we would buy both our parents condos in our kids' names to live close by.

after they ride their Rascals to St.Peter's gates, the kids have their starter homes ready to use or keep as revenue properties. we told the parents that that's their shared gift to the kids -- and fwiw, its turned out to be a good business decision before they even move in.
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Old 19 January 2017, 01:49 PM   #25
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My mom went a little nuts after my dad died. She hooked up with a real jewel. They came for a visit and the motor home got damaged. She was supposed to be with me for a month. She left while I was at work with her boyfriend after two weeks and went to my sisters house.

My hubby didn't have to run her off. I did. Now I have no beds in my extra rooms. If my family wants to visit they stay in a hotel. My sister and my mom are visiting for Mardi Gras this year. I paid for the brother in laws charter fishing trip. They are paying the hotel.

After 21 years living with them it was way enough for me. I can't do it. We have a good time but trapped in one house it's a cat fight.

My husband gets along with them. I love them but can only do a few days.


Now if something happened and my mom needed nursing care we would pay for assisted living and visit daily. I know how bad things are if you don't go every day.
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Old 19 January 2017, 01:50 PM   #26
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Unfortunately happened to me. My wife's father passed away and she insisted her mother move in with us! 7 long years later, God has truly blessed me. She is gone. Decided to move to Alabama and live with her sister. I am finally liberated. My house is finally mine again. I am so giddy I really don't know how to handle this. Been a long time friends!
I know how... By a new Rolex to celebrate the momentous occasion! Every time you look at it you will feel happy and rewarded for 7-years of BS. Besides what's the wife going to say about it, you earned it!
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Old 19 January 2017, 01:52 PM   #27
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Unfortunately my wife said deal with it or use the front door. So for 7 miserable years I dealt with it the best I possibly could. Definitely placed a hardship on the marriage.
There must be a reward for that!

I'm ALL ABOUT family, but if BOTH don't agree with taking in a family member - it should be a no-go. Depending on the MiL, it could be a real nightmare.
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Old 19 January 2017, 01:53 PM   #28
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I know how... By a new Rolex to celebrate the momentous occasion! Every time you look at it you will feel happy and rewarded for 7-years of BS. Besides what's the wife going to say about it, you earned it!
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Old 19 January 2017, 02:10 PM   #29
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Interesting thread. The relationship you have with your in laws or parents make the difference. It would have to be a mutual decision with my wife and not forced upon me.


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Old 19 January 2017, 02:13 PM   #30
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Fortunately, my mother in law just turned 49 and is a long way from needing to move in with her children.
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