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AstroBoy · 6 November 2013, 07:33 AM

The wife's back on the warpath again. Last night she said she wanted to make a sex movie, and all I did was suggest we should hold auditions for her part.

My sister-in-law sat on my glasses and broke them. It was my own fault. I should have taken them off.

I spent a couple of hours defrosting the fridge last night, or "foreplay" as she likes to call it.

After both suffering from depression for awhile, the wife and I were going to commit suicide yesterday. But strangely enough, once she killed herself, I started to feel a lot better. So I thought, screw it, I'll soldier on!

I woke up this morning at 8 and just felt that something was wrong. I got downstairs and found the wife face down on the kitchen floor, not breathing! I panicked. I didn't know what to do. Then I remembered McDonald's serves breakfast until 11:30.

The other night, my wife asked me how many women I'd slept with. I told her, "Only you. All the others kept me awake all night!"

My wife packed my bags and said "GET OUT!!!". As I walked out the front door, she screamed, "I wish you a slow and painful death, you bastard!"
"Oh," I replied, "so now you want me to stay!"

I've just installed strobe lights in the bedroom. It makes the wife look like she's moving during sex.

Dr. Robert · 6 November 2013, 08:08 AM

Lol

SLS · 6 November 2013, 08:33 AM

Foxy1 · 6 November 2013, 09:44 AM

Ha Ha I like them

cop414 · 6 November 2013, 09:59 AM

mjclark32 · 6 November 2013, 10:02 AM

Hahaha

Cesium133 · 6 November 2013, 12:03 PM

Those are great! Lol.

Hairdude1 · 6 November 2013, 02:52 PM

Funny

dive_and_ride_1965 · 6 November 2013, 03:21 PM

I don't thank you: it remembers me home ;)

Cru Jones · 6 November 2013, 11:05 PM

MonBK · 6 November 2013, 11:13 PM

Very funny..:)

GeraldJ19 · 6 November 2013, 11:16 PM

Outstanding!!!!

Sent from my GT-P3113 using Tapatalk

77T · 10 November 2013, 12:34 PM

swatty · 10 November 2013, 05:58 PM

jatco · 11 November 2013, 03:54 AM

...Funny Stuff...

..Not sure if it's 'Safe' to share these with my wife...!! '

Designbuilt · 11 November 2013, 05:18 AM

The secret to a long lasting happy marriage is to have date night at least once a week... On that night, have the most wild, crazy sex you can imagine, get drunk, let it all hang out and don't worry about anything at all... Oh yeah, make sure that you don't run into your wife while you're on your date...

So then the hotel's receptionist said, "It's so refreshing seeing people so happy together, you make a great couple, are you two married?"

and I said "Yes, but not to each other"

The Joker · 11 November 2013, 09:37 AM

Bangel · 13 November 2013, 06:42 PM

Psmith · 19 December 2013, 05:04 AM

polarinda · 19 December 2013, 02:46 PM

Cc1966 · 20 December 2013, 04:27 AM

6 November 2013, 07:33 AM	#1
AstroBoy "TRF" Member Join Date: Feb 2009 Real Name: Lucky Location: Ohio USA Watch: TT-Tona/EXII/Tudor Posts: 696	Wife Jokes The wife's back on the warpath again. Last night she said she wanted to make a sex movie, and all I did was suggest we should hold auditions for her part. My sister-in-law sat on my glasses and broke them. It was my own fault. I should have taken them off. I spent a couple of hours defrosting the fridge last night, or "foreplay" as she likes to call it. After both suffering from depression for awhile, the wife and I were going to commit suicide yesterday. But strangely enough, once she killed herself, I started to feel a lot better. So I thought, screw it, I'll soldier on! I woke up this morning at 8 and just felt that something was wrong. I got downstairs and found the wife face down on the kitchen floor, not breathing! I panicked. I didn't know what to do. Then I remembered McDonald's serves breakfast until 11:30. The other night, my wife asked me how many women I'd slept with. I told her, "Only you. All the others kept me awake all night!" My wife packed my bags and said "GET OUT!!!". As I walked out the front door, she screamed, "I wish you a slow and painful death, you bastard!" "Oh," I replied, "so now you want me to stay!" I've just installed strobe lights in the bedroom. It makes the wife look like she's moving during sex. __________________ Astroboy "Life Is Not A Problem To Be Solved But A Reality To Be Experienced" "JJ - Your smile takes all my troubles away!"

6 November 2013, 08:08 AM	#2
Dr. Robert 2024 ROLEX DATEJUST41 Pledge Member Join Date: Dec 2009 Real Name: Bob Location: U.S.A. Watch: 1655 Posts: 61,766	Lol __________________ Founder & Card Carrying Member of the Global Association of Retro-Grouch-Curmudgeons

6 November 2013, 08:33 AM	#3
SLS "TRF" Member Join Date: Aug 2006 Real Name: Scott Location: GMT -7 Watch: GMT's & Sub's Posts: 10,399	__________________ "The bitterness of poor quality remains long after the sweetness of lower price is forgotten." -Benjamin Franklin Member No. 922

6 November 2013, 09:44 AM	#4
Foxy1 "TRF" Member Join Date: Mar 2013 Real Name: Steve Location: Everywhere Watch: Love them all Posts: 1,503	Ha Ha I like them __________________ There is only one difference between a madman and me. The madman thinks he is sane. I know I am mad. Salvador Dali

6 November 2013, 09:59 AM	#5
cop414 TRF Moderator & 2024 DATE-JUST41 Patron Join Date: Apr 2012 Real Name: Tim Location: Pennsylvania Watch: 14060M Posts: 71,859	__________________ Rolex Submariner 14060M Omega Seamaster 2254.50 DOXA Professional 1200T Card carrying member of TRF's Global Association of Retro-Grouch-Curmudgeons TRF's "After Dark" Bar & NightClub Patron P Club Member #17 2 FA ENABLED

6 November 2013, 10:02 AM	#6
mjclark32 "TRF" Member Join Date: Mar 2010 Real Name: MJC Location: PHL USA Watch: IWC, Rolex, AP Posts: 29,232	Hahaha __________________

6 November 2013, 12:03 PM	#7
Cesium133 "TRF" Member Join Date: Sep 2012 Location: USA Posts: 2,037	Those are great! Lol.

6 November 2013, 02:52 PM	#8
Hairdude1 "TRF" Member Join Date: Apr 2012 Real Name: Alex Location: Chicago Watch: AP,PP, Rolex Posts: 37,156	Funny

6 November 2013, 03:21 PM	#9
dive_and_ride_1965 "TRF" Member Join Date: Nov 2011 Location: PH & France Watch: Rolex SD4000 Posts: 201	I don't thank you: it remembers me home ;) __________________ Rolex Date 1500 1965 \|\| Rolex DateJust 68240 1986 \|\| Rolex Explorer II 16570 2009 \|\| Rolex Sea-Dweller SD4 116600 2015 \|\|

6 November 2013, 11:05 PM	#10
Cru Jones 2024 ROLEX DATEJUST41 Pledge Member Join Date: Mar 2010 Location: Paris, France Posts: 34,595

6 November 2013, 11:13 PM	#11
MonBK Banned Join Date: Nov 2010 Location: Kingstown Posts: 58,281	Very funny..:)

6 November 2013, 11:16 PM	#12
GeraldJ19 "TRF" Member Join Date: Jan 2012 Real Name: Gerald Location: Okinawa Watch: Seiko Black Monste Posts: 123	Outstanding!!!! Sent from my GT-P3113 using Tapatalk

10 November 2013, 12:34 PM	#13
77T 2024 ROLEX DATEJUST41 Pledge Member Join Date: Dec 2010 Real Name: PaulG Location: Georgia Posts: 40,927	__________________ Does anyone really know what time it is?

10 November 2013, 05:58 PM	#14
swatty 2024 Pledge Member Join Date: Dec 2007 Real Name: Peter Location: Sydney Watch: The Game Posts: 17,409

11 November 2013, 03:54 AM	#15
jatco 2024 ROLEX DATEJUST41 Pledge Member Join Date: Feb 2010 Real Name: Thomas Location: YVR Watch: 116233/79190 Posts: 48,297	...Funny Stuff... ..Not sure if it's 'Safe' to share these with my wife...!! ' __________________ . . ' A Crown for every achievement '

11 November 2013, 05:18 AM	#16
Designbuilt Banned Join Date: Nov 2013 Location: Chicago Posts: 15	The secret to a long lasting happy marriage is to have date night at least once a week... On that night, have the most wild, crazy sex you can imagine, get drunk, let it all hang out and don't worry about anything at all... Oh yeah, make sure that you don't run into your wife while you're on your date... So then the hotel's receptionist said, "It's so refreshing seeing people so happy together, you make a great couple, are you two married?" and I said "Yes, but not to each other"

11 November 2013, 09:37 AM	#17
The Joker "TRF" Member Join Date: Sep 2010 Location: Gotham Posts: 9,634

13 November 2013, 06:42 PM	#18
Bangel "TRF" Member Join Date: Oct 2011 Location: Australia Watch: 116610LN Posts: 15,802

19 December 2013, 05:04 AM	#19
Psmith "TRF" Member Join Date: Sep 2008 Real Name: Clive Location: Exoplanet Watch: spring-driven Posts: 38,856	__________________

19 December 2013, 02:46 PM	#20
polarinda "TRF" Member Join Date: Mar 2011 Real Name: Trav Location: singapore Watch: it Posts: 2,312

20 December 2013, 04:27 AM	#21
Cc1966 "TRF" Member Join Date: Aug 2013 Real Name: Christopher Location: Georgia, USA Watch: ing the Sea... Posts: 6,713	__________________ "I wish to have no Connection with any Ship that does not Sail fast for I intend to go in harm's way." Captain John Paul Jones, 16 November 1778 "*Curmudgeons* " Favorites: 1665 SD, Sub Date, DSSD, Exp II, Sub LV, GMTIIc

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